Thursday, June 7, 2012

Herpsters in the Wild

It’s like witnessing a rare Yangtze River Dolphin after breaking the crest of the morning tide in search of food.

And by rare, I mean common.

And by witnessing, I mean stupid-ass herpster shirts in presence of giggle former librarian hotts who know not for whom they cuddle, and whose douche glasses make the DB1 shed a single tear.

# posted by douchebag1
2:33 pm June, 7 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Based on today’s submissions I’ve concluded the following: herpster = gay

2:38 pm June, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

H-Mo’s (No Bigot) and fag hag.

2:44 pm June, 7 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Photo shoot for this months issue of Modern Eunuch magazine.

2:53 pm June, 7 Vin Douchal said...

You just know both of these twinks have all the Spiderman gif moves down

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3:07 pm June, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

These two are no homo. Just very metro. I would hose down the left one, buy him a real shirt, fuck the shit outta him and then take a dump in his bathroom and high five his roommate on the way out.

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I’m proud of you DB1 for seeing the error of your ways in regards to “librarian” hotts. Soon you’ll be ready to take those training wheels off and ride on your own.

3:10 pm June, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Douche Toddlers

3:20 pm June, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ok all this herpster garbage is hurting my eyes so in response I offer you this* and yes Rev Chad they will be playing in Canadia and DarkSock don’t get too excited they aren’t real horses.

*http://concerttour.org/neil-young-tour

3:43 pm June, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Is this some weird alternate universe where Christian Bale and Charlie Sheen are flamingly gay?

5:45 pm June, 7 Guid is Good said...

Herpsters killed the Librarian Hott – The Buggles.

5:46 pm June, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Kurvy Karen needs a warm yogurt spray across the irono glasses.

6:23 pm June, 7 Morbo said...

That picture is like looking in the world’s saddest funhouse mirror, which may itself be a herpster activity at this point. Who can keep up anymore?

Everyone in the photo has some sort of weird migratory thing going on with their bodies.

James Peen on the left has his pants and lower torso shifting toward his feet.

Kurvy Karen (tip o’the hat, Dude) has her boobs sagging toward her belly button. Sadly, the dress does not get pulled with it.

And the Elvis Costello wannabe on the right is the worst of all. He’s shaved his armpits and replaced the hair with a tattoo that sort of looks like hair, only about 8 inches removed.

I’d say the two guys need a swift kick in the nuts, but those are probably glued to their knees. If you tried to educate Karen in the error of her ways by vigorously pounding her vagina, you’d probably be getting a toe job.

This picture makes Waldo cry. Shame on you, herpsters. Shame on you.

7:00 pm June, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d bang her doggie style and rest her glasses on her lower back whilst doing so. Doing so, I says.

7:01 pm June, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Some Ballsac Septum Reveal (thanks for the anatomy lesson McCrudeshoes) would really help these two dudes hold my interest.

7:49 pm June, 7 The Dude said...

I am absolutely sure that suicide is painlesser than xperiencing this:

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good fucking god

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8:04 pm June, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, you could be right. With suicide its all about getting over that first hump. Watching J.Lo in abbreviated Hammer pants (what does she need the extra crotch room for, is she hiding a massive front butt too?) equates to several humps. Why did you find this? Are you okay?

8:08 pm June, 7 Vin Douchal said...

The Dude, anything that states “ft. Pitbull” is automatically atrocious. That said, check out these MoFo’s, super group “Flying Colors”:

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I’m about halfway throught the cd. The songwriting is very Prog-Rock with the occassional flash of a pop touch. Steve Morse is his usual amazing self. Portnoy is tasty and under control on the drums. Neal Morse’s keyboard work is strange and slightly out of place but with a few more listens I’m sure I’ll pick up what he’s up to, he’s usually really good.

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I’ll check out the best track and put it up later

9:20 pm June, 7 The Dude said...

thanks Nancy, and Vin. I feel better, and I mean that.

9:32 pm June, 7 The Dude said...

Vin, I have opinions about ‘Flying Colors’, none of which pertain to anything here. Maybe I’ll turn into a genius, and figger out how to send you some kind of PM 🙂

12:46 am June, 8 The Dude said...

Nancy, I can’t remember why the J-Lo vid was thrust upon me. I also can’ remember parts of my pre-school indoctrination. I can spell, like a muthafucka. Add? no parblem. Subtract? Even easier.

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What was the question?

3:40 am June, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Re JLo’s extra crotch room in the pants: She has massive Latina meat curtains, or “carne cortinas.”

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Also, Zombie update. Notice the reporter in the upper left. I think it’s the Rev Chad Revealed.

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http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2012/06/07/zombie-bullets-in-high-demand-following-flesh-eating-attacks/

3:42 am June, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Oh, and I am always up for a Vulva Reveal. Vulva, I says.

6:25 am June, 8 C. K. Doucheter-Haven said...

Rock Lobster, the B-52s tribute band, is off to a very, very bad start.

6:53 am June, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Hipster-bags sporting James Dean tees are about as rebelious and retro-cultural as me sporting my Eroll Flynn fencing gloves or John Wayne ass-less riding chaps. Sure they’re all cultural icons, but we just look desperate for attention and stupid don’t we? Plus the chicks don’t get who the dude on your shirt is or why I’m going bare bottom, and nobody lets either us sit down at the nice tables in the restaurant, am I right irono-pud?.

10:25 am June, 8 Anonymous said...

If it was up to me, I would give the hott a pass. Those glasses look real, and frankly, whatever she is wearing just needs to come off anyway.

8:51 pm June, 8 Little Willie said...

Decent looking library hott tries and fails to cut in on two faggots dancing.

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