Monday, June 11, 2012

Monday Thoughts and Scratches

Somewhere out there, even in today’s sobering economic instability, a douchebag shows his undies to a hot chick. Or at least, the nearest Vegas cocktail waitress working the midnight to eight A.M. shift on a Tuesday.

Your humble crotch scratcher is still recovering from a weekend of debauchery, post-Celtic depression, Mad Meningitis, Hollywooditis, and a whole plantar wart medley of the scratch tickets lottery of life.

Hopefully will be upgrading the site a bit in the upcoming weeks. Other than that, I have way too much time on my hands these days. But I water the alpacas. And stare at anorexic back arch pear. So that is good.

It’s 2012. I want an android love slave.

# posted by douchebag1
12:28 pm June, 11 creature said...

scoliocous pear…now those are some cheeks I would buss…or is it bust?

…actually both!

12:31 pm June, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

android love slave = great band name

12:53 pm June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

I like Fergie Bleeth’s buttockal thickness.buttockal, I says.

1:06 pm June, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Can anyone make out her TSdM (ramp stamp de Mons)? Does it say “Over 10,000 served and counting”? My screen gets a little blurry when the image is enlarged.

1:08 pm June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Steven’s getting ticked off at these douchebags hypin’ his style:

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1:08 pm June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Maybe this?

.

1:08 pm June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Doh! Try this Here

1:20 pm June, 11 Dick Fingers said...

It’s one of those USDA stamps. “Utility Grade Beef”.

1:22 pm June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Okay here’s an editorial:

.

Motherfucking websites that don’t let you hotlink their shit are assholes. Like, you are so fucking groundbreaking at random gifs dot com that a wee gif of Steven Urkel needs to be protected by not allowing someone to HTML it on their posts?

Fucking kidding me? It’s not even your fucking content to begin with, all you did was make a gif of something ALREADY AVAILABLE and most likely previously protected.

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It’s the internet: The Wild West of Judge Holden, 1993 Bosnia, South Central L.A. after the Rodney King Beating Verdict, Somalian Pirate territory and most of all 4Chan’s home court.

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Get over yourselves, dickholes. I hope they contract computer AIDS -Cancer

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1:23 pm June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Ahem italics fixed

2:00 pm June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

The only thing that can cheer me up now is looking at Nigel Tufnel’s Mr Horsepower. I win the Mega Millions , I’m getting one of those

2:34 pm June, 11 Rev Chad too drunk said...

I has learned 2 things tofay

;

1. DB1 and I have differnet clincal info regarding anerexia.

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2. Im not hte only dude with sagging man clavage.

/.

Ggotoight and foof luck.

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Ebward R. Furroes

3:26 pm June, 11 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He’s giving that look because someone just drove by and beeped their horn at him and yelled “Nice tits bro!”

3:43 pm June, 11 hermit said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than a Prince William Sound penguin (circa 1989)

3:45 pm June, 11 hermit said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than the underbelly of a rutting alpaca.

3:46 pm June, 11 hermit said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than Eric Holder.

3:47 pm June, 11 hermit said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than a Jiffy Lube® break room.

3:50 pm June, 11 hermit said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than the poop deck of a whaling vessel.

3:51 pm June, 11 hermit said...

And by “poop deck” I mean maritime anal lovemaking on the high seas.

4:00 pm June, 11 Olddog1 said...

And here I thought the Cocktail waitress wasis an android love slave.

4:47 pm June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

An Android love slave sounds tits. After dealing with people all day the last thing I want to do is come home and deal with more people. Also being an Android he wont have any Daddy or ex-girlfriend issues. Fuck it, I’ll take two.

.

.

.

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To do the laundry, and clean the kitchen, two at a time I want robots

4:48 pm June, 11 hermit said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than the Greasepitz stool sample.

4:59 pm June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

First cup of coffee in 25 years. Wow.

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The manpuppet was born many years ago in another country. His future unknown like Liev Schrieber’s in a different movie. A douchebag reigned supreme.

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In a tiny hovel/lab in 17th century Europe a lowly Jew lay out his shingle as a money-changer. Not fucking much of a title in those days, but it’s a living! Years pass and the family fortunes grow. The family makes money on most sides of the Napoleonic Wars, what we can’t save a sheckle for our old times? A kevorka off the N-th degree on your gentile children. Foreskins! Zim schavatz! Oy fuck off! By the end of the 1800’s these Hebes were lending money to everybody and their Yedda, or Yoda, or Hoda or some fucking shit like that cunt.

.

So they get into DeBeers and shit and cause this great fallacy that the Sons of Abraham (respect) are all a bunch of Shylocks and diamond misers. Crazy antisemitism was all it was.

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The new age starts, full on industrial revolution. Carnegies, Mellons, Hearsts, Rockefellas all pissing into the same big pot of fuck you everybody else with the old big nosed man from Frankfurts money. Hey they’re not making any more gold or land so let’s take it from the hard-working rubes that make us every fucking penny we have stashed under our fat tracts of mansion laden Adirondack retreats.

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The Founding Father’s had already begun to segmentize their wealth into the present value of their children’s education. They built or endowed schools full of douchebags to ensure that the grandchildren would meet and diddle with like minded comrades of similar background or worthy buttmunchers to carry the families fortunes into a future of even more net worth. Rise of the douchebag.

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WW1 came and went and Prescott bush had a liason with an alien reptillian at which point the die was cast that the Versailles Treaty would become de facto blueprint for the WW2. So Prescott in the middle of his malfeasance against humanity does on a walkabout where he impregnates a Zulu chieftess. Ndubu tells him of his awesome cock and his families future. She is also a soothesayer who can preclaim evidence from future luminaries. The ghost of Joel Osteen appears before him and says ” Don’t worry man. God loves you unconditionally” Prescott mounts his jet-ski to return to North America to fulfill the prophecy.

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So scions are born attending homosexual initiation ceremonies and the family fortunes blossom. George W. Bush becomes POTUS sucking the last breaths out of the bonfire of the vanities which gilded the 40th presidents legacy as a supply-side economist. Suck it Keynes, Freidman is where it’s at.

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A total douchebag at the time president 42 was busy getting his candle waxed while deregulating the financial system. Fucking Fed! It should not exist. Fiat currency when proven for what it is will be the downfall of the world. Thanks for that Nixon you cocksucker. History has been kind to P-42 and his pussy cigars but he was just a pawn of the spawn of the Jew in the hovel/lab from centuries before.

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Some Jews have been mentioned in this treatise. I must reming all that I own three Jews and love them conditionally. The condition is that they go to Mass a few times a year and they can wear burkas and shit if they so choose.

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So another Bilderberg/Council on Foreign Relations/ IMF fuck gets in after being some kind of pass through baseball coach and shit and totally fucks the economy and ruins the GOP. This is where things get interesting.

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Bush 41 could blame it on the business cycle after unprecedented accumulation of wealth, income increases, and social calm. Cause all good things must come to an end my fellow Star Trek fans. Clinton follows up with nearly a decade of growth and is remembered as a smart dude everybody grew to admire except for his choice of a horse as wife (Dark Sock peed in Hillary Clinton once).

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But the old soothesaying African woman Ndube who Prescott had impregnated knew that something was about to go terribly wrong in the Rothschild/Bush future.

It wasn’t that they would make millions or billions or credit swaps but that the eldest Bush child would be a moron.

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So Bush gives a whole shitload of money to the old families. Makes their banks bigger and leaves the crumbs of the presidency to the great-grandson of the African woman. And he turns out to be a fag loving Ivy-league douchebag like the rest. Vote Paul 2012.

5:01 pm June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than the lubed up anus of one of RevChad’s immediate family members.

5:07 pm June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yes, the rumors are true. He is a cousin humper. Do you want to vote for the same guy that the guy who considers family reunions to be a form of speed dating is voting for? Then vote Paul 2012.

5:45 pm June, 11 The Dude said...

That cocktail waitress’ hair is more greasy than the lubed up anus of John Travolta at the Ricky Martin Massage Institute.

5:46 pm June, 11 hermit said...

Nixon never drank coffee. That fascist bastard also created the E.P.A. which still haunts Amërïká to this day.

8:14 pm June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

The History of the World, as told by The Rev and paid for by Jews should be made into a Broadway show. It would be way funnier and more outlandish than The Book of Mormon. Plus Chad Ochocinco could play the lost African Bush soothsaying Ndube Titsune.

8:50 pm June, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin D

I’m counting on you to provide your expert eye on whatever is the best website to view all the hot Euro chicks supporting their squads at Euro 2012.

9:57 pm June, 11 The Dude said...

*Ndube Titsune* made me pee on my keyboard.

9:58 pm June, 11 The Dude said...

hermit found the umlaut key.

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hermlauts

10:47 pm June, 11 creature said...

I’m for rev chad…that dude is fucking brilliant…save for the vote RuPaul thing ofcorse…fuggit, more Johnny Red!

thank you….bitches!

6:11 am June, 12 CB Popped said...

DB with backwards, red cap, slight tilt needs a blanket party.

6:14 am June, 12 CB Popped said...

I would lube my cockk on her head before vaginal insertion – – then I would have the 2 Android love slaves join the fun.

Probably do this to the tune of Ozzy’s “Diary of a Madman” on vinyl.

Vote Paul, def.

6:22 am June, 12 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

She is deliziously thick in tha middle. Deliziously, I says.

8:38 am June, 12 schlicht bindenburger said...

so that’s what happened to Billy Zane!

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