Thursday, July 19, 2012

Dmitri and Yakov have Ukrainian bride for you!

douche

Bridal Emporium take Visa and AMEX; no Discover card!

# posted by Bagnonymous
1:23 pm July, 19 Dickie Fingers said...

That little raccoon on the left is giving me wood.

1:57 pm July, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Dah, Ve lirnt Amyerikanisch culture from zee Tom Cvuise. Vhere are money’s? Show myet the moneys!

1:57 pm July, 19 Capt. James T. Douche said...

You vant guhrl? Ve get you guhrl, young, tight, clean fresh vrom eastern bloc no question asked. Best vucking guhrls in Miami man no disease, my brother Yakov is guinea pig ve try each von himzelf bevore passing onto customer no drip or burn, cleanest vucking guhrls in Miami

Champagne Katya is giving the Slavic eye of the nut borscht gargle and gulp.

2:02 pm July, 19 Colossus of Choads said...

Hahahahaaaaaa

2:12 pm July, 19 Troy Tempest said...

this is also a repeat, only shot from another angle. The original had this massive glowing light (the sun) in the distance, but I remember writing it so that it was a nuclear explosion. Fun times.

2:26 pm July, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Een Zoviet Ookrain ze glasses vear you. Comrade.

2:29 pm July, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Champagne Katya is giving the Slavic eye of the nut borscht gargle and gulp.” Brilliant Capt.

2:33 pm July, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

In Soviet Russia, Ukrainian bride mates you!

2:38 pm July, 19 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Vhat? You vant ashthole lick? Is extra 200 zhower or no zhower before I don’t care man, zees vucking guhrls will do anyzing you vant, but is extra 200 for tongue in asht, ve gotta deal here or vhat…? I tell you vhat 250 for ashthole lick, cupping zee balls and she stick finger in ashthole 3 knuckles deep, 3 knuckles deep! You know any odder guhrls in city zhat do zhat for zis price man…? Tell you vhat I give you my friends and family discount I do zis for my own Uncle Vladimir laz week in fact, zhat zick vucking bastard but iz vamily you know? For 300 ve get you zee… uh how you zay uhhh zee blumpkin, ashthole lick, cupping of zee balls and zee finger in ashthole, 3 knuckles my friend, 3 knuckles zhower, don’t zhower I don’t care man zees vucking guhrls! So we have a deal here or vhat?

2:48 pm July, 19 Stephanie said...

Really if you break this down they’re pimps.

In Soviet Russia, Ukrainian bride mates you and then eats you.

3:10 pm July, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I was on the phone and reading CJTD’s last story with the blumpkin and barely kept a mouthful of beer from spewing over phone and computer. Funny son.

3:37 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

How do you say Woo in Russian whore-speak Capt. JT? And agree with Capt. James Et Tu Douche (wait, what?) Champagne Katya for the win.

3:46 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Repeat pictures make me so happy! We finally did it gang. After putting our noses to the grindstone, mocking douche after douche. Bleeth upon bleeth. It’s finally over Johnnie. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do with myself now that Im a well decorated Doucheapocolypse War Vet. I hope I don’t go all Born on the Fourth of July on everyone. I’ll probably just live out the remainder of my days quietly cruisin’ my local hot spots for a high bro to ho ratio. Maybe take up online poker. Who knows really.

3:56 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hey remember when we used to vote? What happened to our working democracy? Where’s Pfah and Plinky? And what about Mr. White, its a shame they couldn’t be here to enjoy our victory. Final score: Douchebags: 2 Us: 3. A real nail biter but we got them in the end. We got em good.

3:59 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Damn, I never type this much. I guess I’m just too excited over our victory. Again, great work from everyone. Even you RevChad, even you. I’m gonna go drink now. It’s what Jesus would do after kicking the kind of ass we just kicked.

4:23 pm July, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I’d say I’ll take the one the right that’s pre-intoxicated and save a few bucks buying her drinks, but first I want to find out if my insurance covers virulent crotch slime… Eh, on second thought I’ll pass.

4:26 pm July, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s a Topeka penthouse ultralounge… Towering a majestic 3 stories above the Home Despot.

4:29 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, out of all the hunters on here you were the shoeiest. Thank you. (FYI, I’ll be doing our post game wrap-ups and honorable mentions for the remainder of the week. Stay tuned. Or in McCrudeshoes case, stay shoend.)

4:32 pm July, 19 Dickie Fingers said...

This would be a good time for Tatiana Groinshavia to weigh in.

4:41 pm July, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Drueche, oh shit… was that a eulogy? Am I dead already?

5:03 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, nah man, just showing my respect for the work we’ve done here. Since DB1 was on walkabout when the war ended, I thought someone should pick up the slack and do the post-game wrap ups and shout outs to the key players. And since I’ve been the soberest I thought it should be me.

6:49 pm July, 19 The Dude said...

Yakov’s spikey hair is going prematurely black.

7:08 pm July, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This picture smells like Wodka, abortions and vintage Chernobyl radiation.

7:09 pm July, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This picture smells like Putin’s cock, Rasputin’s taint and Tolstoy’s bung hole.

.

Wait, what?

7:10 pm July, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This just in: Poland called and wants to know why all the jokes aren’t about Russia. Film at 11.

7:13 pm July, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Channel Z is proud to present for very first time the MTV music videos. Here is song heard for first time in our great country, “Video Killed the Radio Star.”

7:29 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Doucheywallnuts, you were like the father I never wanted and the Dad I never had. But the lessons I learned from your RatPack stories have been immeasurable. If I had to sum them up it would go like this. Lesson 1: My bra can be used as a deadly weapon. And Lesson 2: Invest in blinds if you don’t want your window treatments

to reak of jizz.

7:53 pm July, 19 creature said...

ND fall on your sword…

my credit is sterling, I can rent a half dzn of these broads…please comrades!

they’re nearly as good as koreans!

8:27 pm July, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@creature, you were……………..old and drunk. Also you’re old. And then there’s the age thing. And there was that one time you said something similar to what my great great great grandfather might have said. And then there’s that whole old guy thing you’ve got going for you. So keep working that angle. RIP buddy. I will remember you vaguely when that old guy on the bus offers me his seat but he’s still hella old and smells of Bengay and Benson and Hedges. Also he’s advanced in age. Did I mention how old he was? Anyway RIP Creature, as far as baghunters went you were underaverage and less than adequate. But your avatar is super cute…so there’s that.

8:31 pm July, 19 Morbo said...

Is that some holy golden triangle I see poking its wondrous self at us, like a glowing beacon from Chernobyl?

If so, I jump eeen it.

9:51 pm July, 19 The Dude said...

“Video Killed the Radio Star” – winner, chicken dinner.

.

and, I bet creature’s not as old as I feel after three days working on spec for some bullshit Aaron Sorkin show.

10:25 pm July, 19 DarkSock said...

Um….Nancy, just because the surrogate general is drunk and incompetent doesn’t mean the war’s over.

.

Unless you wanna be “MISSION COMPLETE” Bush.

.

Son.

10:26 pm July, 19 DarkSock said...

I’m so drunk I got Chinese eyes.

.

No Racist

.

.

RevChads

10:48 pm July, 19 The Dude said...

Nancy’s Bush says “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED”. I think. I wasn’t really paying attention, on account of I was prolly slaving on an Aaron Sorkin oeuvre.

.

Sorkins

3:37 am July, 20 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@ND Thanks for the compliment! And if I may say you are the daughter I would NOT have aborted in the third trimester, but definitely would have put up for adoption. And I mean that in the most positive way imaginable!

5:39 am July, 20 Melvil_Duchi said...

we are here to poop you up

6:07 am July, 20 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I left all 36 of my children on top of a cliff in the way of the ancient Trojans. Only I was too lazy to find a cliff so I used the rock climbing wall at my gym. And they were beanie babies.

11:51 am July, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So if I play my cards right in this situation I can get the best hookers available behind a strip mall in Punxsutawney? Damn, that would be the best $7 I prolly ever spent!

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