Saturday, July 14, 2012

Comment of the Week: DoucheyWallnuts

Because sometimes ya just gotta reminisce, kid:

——————

So I decided to lay a little low this week with the Ike, JFK, mob thing. The other day Mrs Wallnuts got a package containing a cow’s tongue with a spike through it. She thought it was a box of Sfogliatelle (pronounced, “sfee-a-dell,” I says.) from Natale’s Bakery. It was a hell of a thing. It might be Big Angie Testaforte or Sonny “Coca-Cola” Villani playing a practical joke on me, but better safe than sorry. Na mean?

It reminds me of the time me, Sinatra and Petey Lawford lit a bag of dog crap on the stoop at Lew Wasserman’s mansion, rang the doorbell and ran. Wasserman was an ugly, humorless prick with a little schmeckle and Sinatra hated him. But he weilded a lot of power. Frank f@#ked Wasserman’s wife Edie in the entry foyer of their mansion during a big party one night, in front of everyone. Wasserman threatened to ruin Frank’s career, but couldn’t. Frank banged Edie again, for good measure, and wiped his schwantz on the drapes in their bedroom when he was done with her. I f@#ked her too. What the hell, I wasn’t in pictures so he couldn’t do nothin’ to me.

Anyways, Frank told Lew Petey did the lit dog crap gig. Wasserman ruined Lawford’s career and saw to it that he never did anything better than sit-coms and the f@#kin’ “Love Boat.” Madon, a real sin.

—————–

# posted by douchebag1
11:47 am July, 14 The Dude said...

Gorgeous. Another tale of courage from our illustrious DW!

11:49 am July, 14 The Dude said...

btw, nice touch with that pic, Boss! That’s like almost onomatopoeia

12:06 pm July, 14 creature said...

funny stuff from DW as always…btw I had heard that Frank tossed Louis Mayer’s salad to get his break into movies, back in the day

12:21 pm July, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

Congrats!!! but when are you gonna share some stories about the Patriarca family and that crooked mayor Buddy Cianci out of Providence? Gennaro Angiulo’s of the North End was no slouch either.

12:46 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

I onomatopoeia’d in a horse once. Well, technically twice if you count the shake.

1:12 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

Douche in the pic looks a little like Old Blue Eyes too. Nice job D.Wallnuts.

1:27 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

This is by far the most recent Comment of the Week!

1:42 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

That it is The Dude, that it is.

1:49 pm July, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Patriarca Family was your run of the mill bunch of mooks, however, up there in Beantown and the rest of New England they was like Einsteins compared to the Micks that were runnin’ around tryin’ ta be mobsters. Them Micks, I swear they was retarded the nonsense they would pull. The only thing that they had goin’ for them was the cops was Micks, too.

.

And the Jew mob up there wasn’t worth a shit either.

2:32 pm July, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

A truer word has never been spoken than “drapes.”

2:33 pm July, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

Great reply, I got a good chuckle out that. Keep the reminiscences coming. You’ve picked up, and admirably I might add, the large void that was Hermits screeds. Both equally awesome!!!!

2:56 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

Hoping, for Frank’s sake, that the carpet matched the drapes!

4:16 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

He shoulda just rubbed it on the meat curtains. That woulda showed ’em!

5:15 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

Does this website make my cocck look big?

5:21 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, yes, but it makes your balls look tiny. Find some!

5:25 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

Nicely done, Nancy. I’m just glad it wasn’t Rev Chad hitting that slow pitch out of the park 🙂

5:40 pm July, 14 Troy Tempest said...

Nancy – Does The Dude make your bub bubs bounce?

6:18 pm July, 14 Troy Tempest said...

Also, perhaps Stephanie can weigh in on this – would a guy like this be optimal for chowing down on your PUSSY?

7:35 pm July, 14 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

I could go for some ketchup, mustard and a nice little piece of snatch right about now.

.

Carnivores

7:39 pm July, 14 Stephanie said...

Lighting bags of dog crap on people’s porches,my summer fun hobby.

7:44 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Troy 5:40p, see that’s what I’m talking about right there by you occasionally having tall guy status. And I’m gonna let Stephanie field all the pussy related questions from here on out.

.

@The Dude, and the crowd goes wild. I’m still waiting on my Cinderella story though.

7:45 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Stephanie, do you do it for the shits or just the giggles?

7:49 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

I want “wiped his schwantz on the drapes in their bedroom ” burned into barn wood and hung over my bed.

7:52 pm July, 14 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

Hey Nancy/Stephanie how you girls doing? Nothing says Saturday night like hanging out on the internets talking nonsense. If you ever get hungry I got some extra dill pickles and some secret sauce for you.

.

Winners

8:47 pm July, 14 Troy Tempest said...

@Stephanie – perfect response. I just saw that huge mouth and a giant tongue, and was too drunk to type “Stephanie or Nancy can weigh in” and fumbled my way through the rest.

.

@Nancy – there’s a huge dramatic difference between me and Tall Guy. Actually several. But the two things that are most different are

1. I never intend harm. If I think someone is an asshole, I say “you’re an asshole.” So, if I intend harm, I don’t beat around the bush.

2. I almost always intend to amuse and edify.

3. I try to be funny.

.

So that’s three things and I can think of a few more, such as, I am basically a good natured and cheerful puppet. And because I am such a good puppet, I always hang wood. Because I’m made of it. But that’s not your problem.

.

Also, I have a very bizarre sense of humour and I spend too much time reading philosophy and theory books. DB1 does it for fun, I get paid to do it. As a consequence he takes it a lot more seriously than I do.

.

So, just so’s ya know.

.

http://loneplacebo.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/rick-rolled.jpg?w=600

10:40 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

Troy, you’re very strange and I like you < two not necessarily unrelated comments. I also like Stephanie (prolly a bit too much) and Nancy (on principle, and by "on principle" I mean, well, you get the idea).

.

What?

10:48 pm July, 14 The Dude said...

Nice pic too!

11:36 pm July, 14 Little Willie said...

Robert is showing us the technique he’s about to use on his tranny girlfriend’s gaping anus when he gives “her” a rusty trombone.

5:14 am July, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Leave Norm MacDonald and his pierced tongue out of this.

.

Turns out OJ was a thrice killer: His ex, Goldfarb, and Norm’s career.

.

True story: Somewhere in last night’s/this mornings dream/awake states I saw a comparison of “how long tv show credits take”. The average tv show was like 2 minutes. Norm MacDonald’s show was 14 seconds. That was the whole graphic. I was impressed at the time.

5:41 am July, 15 Dickie Fingers said...

Congrats DW.

I didn’t see Troy at church this morning. Think he’s nursing a hangover?

Actually, I didn’t see anyone at church today, I was busy wiping my schwantz on the drapes.

12:51 pm July, 15 The Dude said...

Good God, I’m going to live ten minutes longer, thanks Fickie Dinger!

.

huh?

12:56 pm July, 15 The Dude said...

Gyroscope is doomed

Now that the monkey hole has

schwantz wiped on its drapes.

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)