Friday, July 27, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Your humb narrs is spending the week in NYC on a bit of a melancholic mission.

You see, ever since I was a wee lad at NYU back in the 1990s, I’ve had this rent stabilized apartment in the east village. I lived there in a state of perpetual festivity for many a southern moon.

But, after venturing forth to the city of angels in 2002, and many years and roommates and adventures traveling back and forth between Hollywoodland and reality, it is finally time for me to give my beloved apartment up. And cease the stalking of all east village boobie hottie suckle thighs once and for all.

And so I arrive in humid NYC for a final pack-up of all reminders of DB1’s carousing life back in the dreamland phantasmagoria New York. I sit in the rain and eat raisin challah, and reminisce. Back when the federal budget was balanced, the subway was introducing sweet new technology, and “Sex and the City” inspired a generation of 18-24 year olds to order cosmos and make out with strangers on the street.

What a different world stares at me in NYC today. My hatred for conservatism remains unabated. I experienced 9/11 up close, and then watched a bunch of moronic right wing con-men use it to manipulate the rubes for a decade. What damage to this world a bunch of sexually repressed angry old white men have caused. Throughout world history, if you think about it.

But that is all in the past. Well, sort of. But it is a fairly beautiful Friday on 1st Ave. And so I sit at a coffee shop and oggle aspiring model/actresses walking their tiny yapper dogs on 9th street.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Kindle Book of the Week: “As Mel said to me, he wanted to make a movie that would ‘convert the Jews to Christianity.'”

Ever wonder what a typical day in the Los Angeles life of the DB1 is like?: Robert Blake staring at me by the turkey carving station at Gelson’s.

Speaking of the 90s. When nothing was going on.

CNN covers the Hipster Olympics. To quote Jon Stewart, this… is CNN?

Bleeth runs for the Senate. It’s like a bad early 00s Reese Witherspoon chick flick, only without a Wilson brother.

For the foodies among us, douche mocking now includes a restaurant offering a douche burger. The $666 price tag is pretty genius.

Jesse Pinkman was once on The Price is Right. Gives new meaning to “Showcase Showdown.”

Even the legendary and forever nottabag Snoop Dogg challenges Rockstar Leniency Rule by calling himself Snoop Lion.

7-11 now has a mashed potato vending machine. And it is awesome.

But you are not here for mashed potato vending machine. You are here for pear. And so here’s some un-NYC pear for you:

Attitude Pear

Attitude that you would put up with. Because you deserve it.

# posted by douchebag1
11:58 am July, 27 Wheezer said...

Attitude Pear asks me, “You wanna piece o’ me? Huh? Do yaz?”

.

“Yes,” I respond. “Yes, I do.”

12:11 pm July, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

Bad attitude or not that pear is scrumptious.

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I agree forever nottabag for Snoop and I even give him credit for branching out into another genre. Thank goodness he didn’t try that dancehall crap. Now as a connoisseur of reggae let me share with you a taste of the old school, real deal stuff. This is how you lay down a track.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5vba50lT5k&feature=player_embedded

12:15 pm July, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

That’s a sweet piece of plump ass on hott in black bikini.

12:37 pm July, 27 Anonymous said...

More pear!!!

12:50 pm July, 27 Douchetastic Sam said...

Ah, I love this site: Fat Chicks and Fuck Bags.

1:19 pm July, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Hmmm….7-11 now has a mashed potato vending machine.

All’s I can think about is Brown25

1:24 pm July, 27 jonezy said...

More Arpakasso!

1:36 pm July, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Those links reminded me of three things.

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1. I forgot that I make great Challah bread topped with honey and poppy seeds. Nice treats for my small tribe.

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2. I have lots of roomate stories to incorporate into some late night rants.

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3. Nancy Dreuche is back.

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4. The summer Olympics bore me except for water events.

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5. I hope the English have an embarrssing Olympics. Cause I hate those Limey cocksuckers.

1:45 pm July, 27 Douche Wayne said...

That ass looks comfy.

Will be in NYC tomorrow for Dark Knight on IMAX. See ya there, Boss – I’ll be the one in the Batman shirt cuz my tux is at the cleaners.

On a recent trip to NYC during a recent heatwave, mere hours away from seeing Roger Waters perform The Wall, I was walking east across 24th Street and was struck. Struck by sundresses. Having been employed in the Big Apple in the late 90’s-early 00’s (my first cell phone was a BIG deal)I’m no stranger to the hotness in the heatness. I un-quit smoking just to have an excuse to go downstairs and sit outside every hour and go sightseeing without moving. But having since relocated to the suburbs, and having begat offspring there, I’ve been missing out. Was again dumbfounded, while sipping tequilla at Blockheads, by how slutty/classy Manhattan girls can be. And lo, it is good.

And then a pig flew. Literally. And came crashing down on the mezzanine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwhJoc_EQ9s

And it was great. Son.

1:50 pm July, 27 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Attitude Pear…………..oooooh, yeah.

I’d lick the peanuts out of her bunghole and think they tasted like honeyed almonds.

3:07 pm July, 27 Anonymous said...

Hey Stupid,

Please read the Reliance of the Traveller as it is available in pdf from google (http://www.shafiifiqh.com/maktabah/relianceoftraveller.pdf).

In this manual of Islamic law that was certified by the clerics at Al Azhar University in Egypt, you will discover that Islam condones the following:

the death penalty for apostasy

female genital mutilation

amputation of a hand for theft

and most important, open ended, offensive warfare against non Muslims.

But you’re right, it is all George Bush’s fault.

You are just too stupid to live.

3:39 pm July, 27 Mr. Biggs said...

Ewgottaproblemwidat? Fuggedaboudit!

3:45 pm July, 27 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The voice on the phone said, “We’re not all dead yet, but some may be closer than others.” Good thing it wasn’t Mrs. Wallnuts that picked up the phone the other morning. So I got to thinkin’ who it could be that was steamed that I started spillin’ the beans about Ike, JFK and the Mob. I guess there are still some CIA spooks left over from the Bay of Pigs days who might have a beef with me, but c’mon it’s over 50 years ago. Na mean?

.

So anyways, I blurted out, “Go fuck yourself, strunzo! I’m tellin’ everyone it was Alfie “Doughnuts” Accordi in the Grassy Knoll, that it was Silvio “Lug Nuts” Rizzo up there in the Book Depository and that the mob, the Teamsters and a few CIA mooks were behind the whole thing and gave the marching orders for Jack Ruby to ice Oswald!” Strunzo, I said. That made me feel better, like I took me a big dump after eating a lousy, greasy meal from the Chinks’ restaurant on Havermeyer Street.

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Then there was silence and whoever it was who called me to tell me who-knows-what, hung the fuck up. Sometimes these scare calls are nothing more than that. You call a guy and tell him he’s gonna wake up dead if he don’t stop sayin’ so-and-so about this-and-that, and it’s enough to get a guy thinkin’ and then shuttin up. Plus whoever it was, if it was anyone who was someone, is too old to do anything to me anyways.

.

So we’ll see what happens this week and I’ll get back to tellin’ tales next week. That JFK loved the Cuban whores more than anything. The hairyer the better. Gabiles, I says. We had pictures of him with this one broad we called, “La Bestia Pelida.” Looked like freakin Sasquatch down below. Down below, I says. Oofa!

4:58 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

The shag carpet matched the shag drapes? Shag drapes, I says.

5:01 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

Arpakasso FTW! again! Fantfknarpakasstic! My new favorite thing, ever

5:17 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

Rev Chad, do you really find Olympic golf boring? I mean c’mon, except for the lack of TnA and…what?

5:22 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

If Attitude Pear got her ass destroyed, I’d pick up the pieces, you can be sure of that. And by ~sure of that~ well, you get my drift. And by *get my drift*, I mean I can’t waaaaait for Olympic Golf telecasts to begin!

5:30 pm July, 27 Douchble Helix said...

How can a twenty-something, or whatever, take so many consistently shitty, out-of-focus pics?

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Oh, it’s Instagram! Instant art!

6:06 pm July, 27 Truth said...

Islamic law is still more liberal than the Bible. Compare Deuteronomy to the Koran, you’ll think Muslims are a bunch of hippies. Read Laying Down The Sword by Philip Jenkins if you want to compare Bible and Koran on this stuff. I’ll summarize it for you — in the Bible, you are exhorted to kill not just the enemy men, but their women, children, infants and livestock. The Bible is filled with commands to commit complete genocide against unbelievers. I am sure the babies of thNoshua’s victims would have preferred to live as “dhimmis” under Islam than to be killed in their cribs by good Bible reading holy warriors. With that said, can we go back to ogling hotts and denouncing douches rather than mock people’s religions? Especially when you are living in a glass house?

6:10 pm July, 27 Truth said...

TheNoshua = Joshua, successor of Moses and glorified mass murderer who left not even Canaanite children live in his conquest of the Holy Land. Damn you Autocorrect, messing with my righteous screed.

7:42 pm July, 27 Douchble Helix said...

Did someone mention Samsqantch?

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http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1617/742/1600/demi%20bush.jpg

7:43 pm July, 27 Douchble Helix said...

^^^ NSFW

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But it’s 11:23 pm eastern. Who the fuck is at work?

8:16 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

omg you can’t see any trees in that forest. Crikey!

8:52 pm July, 27 Anonymous said...

Truther,

Read the Catholic catechism and find where the fuck any of the shit you said is permissible. The Bible, for Catholics, is not the literal word of God. For many evangelicals it is the literal word of God. So, why aren’t they running around killing and quoting scripture to do it? Sure, Pat Robertson is a tool, but compare him to an most mid-east Imams and it’s a whole ‘nother story.

Oh Really? the Bible commands killing? What about Thou Shall not Kill??? What about Jesus telling you to love your enemies? The Qur’an which is the literal word of God revealed in the 7th century, commands harsh treatment for disbelievers, to deceive them, and kill them wherever you find them. By the way, mohammed was a murderer many times over who also had some interesting sexual peccadilloes.

8:57 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

What is this, the holy land? wtf?? I got word from above for you tools to go back to the tool shed. This place is for giggles and mocking and NOT for biblquranical tirades. c’mon, don’t make me pee in your horses!

9:00 pm July, 27 Stephanie said...

Speaking of the 90’s…Well the only thing I could possibly care about is The Frogs video from MTV with Sebastian Bach, which is hilarious. Too bad we recently lost Dennis Flemion the drummer from The Frogs he drowned while out boating and swimming. RIP Dennis.

9:14 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

Thanks Steph…RIP Dennis

9:37 pm July, 27 Anonymous said...

@ the dude

you’re right….but DB1 started it…

10:00 pm July, 27 The Dude said...

Et tu, that Natty Dread track was good medicine, thank you!

10:00 pm July, 27 turtle boy said...

i like turtles

12:27 am July, 28 Anonymous said...

Any wingnut posting religious nonsense, regardless of religion, should be IP blocked. There are a lots of other places for that type of jerking off if it’s your thing.

2:00 am July, 28 CB Popped said...

Nothing worse than a bunch of clueless, out of town, rightwingers milking 9-11-01 for political gain.

Except for all the tourists viewing a graveyard as a attraction while shirts made in China are sold freely.

All the locals know people that didnt come home from work that day.

I need to get my VSR (Veiny sack reveal) on.

2:02 am July, 28 CB Popped said...

Snoop “Lion”,,,,,?

Fuck him too.

Sharkjumpers

2:44 am July, 28 The Dude said...

VSR is really just the icing on the cake. And no thanks. No cake for me. <In my best Don Rickles impersonation

6:39 am July, 28 Anonymous said...

Religion is just a mechanism for social control, and a way to justify killing people because you want to take their shit. It has never served any other purpose. All that Jesus preaching love and harmony? Yeah, that lasted for a few before he was crucified, and then…well why don’t you read up on the romans and the crusades–and the Iraq war.

DB1 didn’t start anything–he made an observation on his website–go read your fucking bible somewheres else.

6:50 am July, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As I returned from the Mountaintop I saw that my brethren had fallen from the Lord and they were speaking in tongues and feasting and fornicating and worshipping false idols. Crestfallen, I retreated for a few moments to reflect and had a vision defining all of lifes toils and tribulations. The vision was brought back to my brethren and they have followed this true path since that day.

.

This was that vision. I pray that you all follow the path of the vision of the Righteous and The Chad. Sons.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ud4M6jnz78&feature=fvwrel&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D20tWDFxQq5A

8:01 am July, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Forget religion an politics. Zombies don’t care if you’re Jew or Gentile or Towel Head. They will eat your face.

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http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2012/07/26/company-selling-zombie-preparedness-kit/

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Son

9:30 am July, 28 Anonymous said...

I read in in Bible that if you went more than two years without having sex then you might be a gay. Just sayin.

9:55 am July, 28 DarkSock said...

I’d tap that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvbAqw0sk6M&feature=player_detailpage#t=11s

10:49 am July, 28 The Dude said...

yeah, ‘Sock! I’d get all domo arigato in there. Would’ve been funny if she walked thru that office divider.

11:34 am July, 28 DarkSock said...

It would’ve been funny if there were a couple hundred bottles of Aunt Jemima syrup sitting all over the place. And if she’d shat out a couple of iPhones or TV remotes.

1:15 pm July, 28 The Dude said...

It would’ve been funny if there were a couple of hotts in French Maid outfits doing three stooges routines. And if she’d shat out one of those new Fiats. or Cadillacs.

1:17 pm July, 28 The Dude said...

It would’ve been funny if there were a couple of douchebags and she took a huge dump on them.

3:35 pm July, 28 douche equis said...

>>My hatred for conservatism remains unabated. . . . moronic right wing con-men . . .What damage to this world a bunch of sexually repressed angry old white men have caused. Throughout world history, if you think about it.<<

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Yeah, world history is quite the thing. But it helps to remember all of it, not just part of it.

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Stalin

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Mao

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Pol Pot

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Then there are the useful idiots . . . Duranty, Lattimore, the Webbs . . .

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So the left has its own share of things for which to answer. I always wonder why they conveniently forget that, while simultaneously adopting the "worldlier than thou" pose. Cognitive dissonance, I call it. When Lord Acton said "abolute power corrupts absolutely", he didn't qualify it with "unless you're on the angelic socialist left". And he was correct not to do so.

3:38 pm July, 28 douche equis said...

Yeah, those hard right white angry old man conservatives like Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot really fucked things up for their constituents, while idiot right wing apologists like Duranty, Lattimore, and the Webbs aided and abetted them . . . hmmm wait, I seem to be a little mixed up here. Could that be because I remember ALL of world history, not just part of it?

3:42 pm July, 28 douche equis said...

Hmmm . . . sorry, I just finished reading The Great Terror by Robert Conquest, and after being immersed in Stalin’s millions of murders for book-length, being to be told that conservativism is the root of all evil was just a little more than I could take.

8:09 pm July, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

What’s with them Japs and the obsession with makin robots that looks like dames? It tells me they ain’t too happy with their women. I mean it’s like the guy who is always workin on their car because they want to make it better because they don’t like their car as it is. If we all wind up bangin robot broads it’ll be thanks to the Japs not liking their own brand of snapper. Am I right when I say that, Cool Breeze?

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