Thursday, July 12, 2012

Reader Mail: Jonezy Tags the HCwDB Book And Gets Some 23 y/o Suckle Thigh

Long-time regular Jonezy writes in with a report:

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Yo DB1,

Long time. Hope you are doing well.

I was walking in downtown St. Louis a few weeks ago, on their main strip, Washington Ave. I was pleasantly surprised to see one of the finest literary feats of modern man displayed prominently in their window. Take a look at the attached.

I can’t recall the name of the shop, and couldn’t really tell what the hell their angle was- was it an art shop, or a chic clothing retailer? Perhaps a hipster haven? Most of the shop was just empty white space, but I can get the name of the store if you’d like to know- Google maps doesn’t have it listed yet, so it must be pretty new. Anyway…

I was in Santa Monica last weekend. My buddy claims that Mom’s is the best bar in town- I think it’s just his favorite cuz he has a lot of luck there. I must admit, it was right up my alley. Not many d-bags, and tons of young hotties. And cheap, very boozy drinks. That’s pretty much all I can ask for.

I was pretty happy some 23 year old chick took me home with her that night- girls that young don’t come my way much anymore- but honestly, and I think this was actually my line to her, I was just happy to sleep in a bed rather than my buddy’s rock hard futon.

Jonezy

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And by your buddy’s rock-hard futon you mean paying for shelter like a homeless Greek bathroom attendant during the age of Hellenism.

Good work Jonezy, and I’m pleased to see St. Louis has such impeccable literary taste.

All hail the 23 year old who feels pity for the bedless man. Many a memorable night that await recall when we’re all eating pudding in the retirement home begin in just such a way.

# posted by douchebag1
9:27 am July, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

Way to go Jonezy! Details please. Also congrats to DB1 on having your book prominently displayed in a sex shop window. I’ll get around to buying it someday. Nah, just playin.’

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Mr. Biggs take a note from Jonezy when sending in your next stalking photo.

9:45 am July, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Based on the conclusion to the story, Jonezy is gay.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

9:49 am July, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Damn, I’ll to try that one. I’ll take it on faith that the futon wasn’t the only thing rock hard

10:00 am July, 12 Jeet Kune Douche said...

None of you rump gaucho’s even NOTICED the brunette in the pic? SHe’s so smoldering hawt that she makes magma feel chilly.

10:02 am July, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Jonezy you look different but that chica is hott. I’d like to trade Mrs. Kroeger for two 23 year olds but I don’t think young chicks are into devastatingly handsome rugged old men with moobs and little kids. Am I right Nancy you little hambeast?

10:20 am July, 12 hermit said...

That store in St. Louis is called Bob’s Half-priced Used Books.

Dammit Jonezy I wish you would have picked up “Mental Hygiene” for Reverend Chad.

10:35 am July, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RevChad, the best part of Jonezy’s story is the 23 year old wasn’t even related to him. And yeah, us hambeasts prefer them single and baggage (kid) free. And also emotional baggage free but that seems to be a tall order with dudes today. Jonezy should be an inspiration to the rest of you players. Sure picking up a drunk girl in a bar is like shooting fish in a barrel, but still he’s out there and he’s working that Jonezy mojo. Three points for her not being a relative, not having a dick, and not taking a dump on him during sexy time. HOH nom for our man Jonezy!

10:48 am July, 12 hermit said...

I’d like to poke my rock-hard futon between that brunnett’s fetus-flaps.

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O.K. my droopy davenport.

10:50 am July, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

Right on Jonezy!!!!

11:18 am July, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And what is wrong with a chick leaving a fecal deposit on her way out? I kind of dig that. I got a chick coming to town soon who usually meets with me for an hour or two when she’s here and starts the games with golden showers in the grimy motel tub. Good times when it’s hot out. Chicks get all horny and do crazy shit. I have to go watch some RedTube on account of the Mrs. coming home for a boning before her staff party. Whooooo!

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Son. Where’s Wedgie?

11:27 am July, 12 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Jeez, between Jonezy’s story above and Troy’s recounting old memories of past styrofoam closet hookups, the lame married sex I’m getting seems like, ah, well, lame married sex.

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sucks

11:32 am July, 12 Melvil_Duchi said...

and he would walk 250 miles,, ah screw it

11:46 am July, 12 jonezy said...

I’m the resident vicarious bachelor to all my married friends. When I updated one of them on my recent exploits, his response was “if there is no picture or video to show me, don’t bother” so I apologize for not supplementing the story with any multimedia.

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A few notable chuckles from the experience. She was with her 2 roommates who were ready to go home early. I told her to stay out. I always enjoy watching the huddled deliberation where they debate your value and if their friend is allowed to stay out and/or go home with you- glad the verdict fell in my favor.

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She offered to drive me home. Only in LA, right!? I walked it, despite not really knowing where my buddy lives, and my phone was dead. Luckily found my bearings. I swear she lived on the set of Melrose Place. She did not know what I was talking about when I said that, so, yea.

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Finally, she is from New Cannan, CT. She had ribbons in her room from her horse riding awards. And pictures of her European vacations. Take that you 1%ers!

12:00 pm July, 12 The Dude said...

Nicely done, jonezy. by that I mean, I hate you, temporarily.

12:53 pm July, 12 UFO Destroyers said...

jonezy, did she mention a strange person reeking of Ambien and Makers Mark with Mickey Mouse ears hanging around her stables in the past. Just wondering if one of her steeds had been befouled previously.

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And yes, I hate you temporarliy as well.

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Now that that has passed, on with the day!

2:32 pm July, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

Naughty, privileged wealthy chicks from Connecticut rock!!!!, I don’t hate you Jonezy you are my newest hero.

10:21 pm July, 13 Little Willie said...

The goofball’s head looks disproportionately a couple sizes too large. And that stupid grin makes him look retarded and odds are he actually is mildly retarded with a 68 IQ. The taught, skinny chick is very doable. Not a complaint really but I like my babes to have a little more meat in the posterior area if possible.

2:21 pm July, 15 Squeak said...

The hot girl in this pic is Arianny Celeste from UFC…

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