Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Breaking: Faux-Punk Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Cliche to Marry Nickelbag

Someone’s marrying someone. This is news for some reason.

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AVRIL Lavigne has shocked fans by announcing she’s engaged – to Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger.

The pair have only been dating for six months, after teaming up to write a song for the Canadian pop star’s new album.

Avril and Chad – who, at 37, is 10 years older than his bride-to-be – have managed to keep their romance under wraps since meeting.

But a spokesperson for Avril has confirmed she’s to tie the knot after the singer retweeted news of their engagement.

The unlikely duo fell in love while working together on a tune for the singer’s upcoming fifth studio album – the follow-up to her 2011 collection Goodbye Lullaby.

An insider told People: “A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together.

“He makes her so happy. Both of their families could not be more excited.”

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# posted by douchebag1
8:59 am August, 22 jonezy said...

I did not know that the good Rev’s name had it’s etymology steeped in this douchenozzles bio- shame on me. But moreso, shame on the real Chad- what a fuckin ‘bag…

9:00 am August, 22 This just in... said...

I think the most un-punk thing someone could do is marry the lead singer of Nickelback.

9:01 am August, 22 Vin Douchal said...

This couple is the very definition of “Meh”. Middling talent backed by mega-conglomerate corporate budgets over-exposing their feeble product to content starved pre-pubescents spending their not-hard-earned allowances on whatever is the dreck of the day.

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Avril and Chad are purveyors of “Dreck Of The Day”

9:02 am August, 22 Vin Douchal said...

And Nickelback? Stay the fuck out of my country music, you holes

.

“Sit The Fuck Down! Sit Down !”

9:16 am August, 22 Dickie Fingers said...

Cute little fella

9:21 am August, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Will this be their wedding song?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzwmsZjzTZQ

9:24 am August, 22 Dickie Fingers said...

How do you marry a guy who head is half the size of yours?

9:37 am August, 22 YA said...

‘sup Rev

9:43 am August, 22 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Weird. I thought Avril Levine was dead.

.

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And that Chad Kroeger was woman.

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Learn somethin’ everyday.

9:44 am August, 22 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Avril Lavigne is to punk rock as ping pong is to global thermonuclear war. We’ve all cut wet farts that could be auto-tuned that sound better than the bilge these two pump out! This is the shit someone’s Bleethy ass girlfriend downloads as a ringback tone!!

9:50 am August, 22 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

The over / under on this marriage currently stands at 6 months. Um, I think I’ll take the under. Please let me know when the divorce is filed, as I try to stay as uniformed as possible when it comes to the celebrity (and that term is used very loosly here) news.

9:57 am August, 22 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Every tune Nickelback has ever done sounds like the soundtrack to a light beer commercial. That’s no way to go through life, Advil.

10:13 am August, 22 This just in... said...

This is almost as exciting as the time I found out my high school shop teacher married his TA. Twenty years after we all graduated. What was I talking about? I nodded off spell checking my first sentence.

10:17 am August, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sweet fucking cock on a pike. I met her ex at a hot air balloon festival I help out with, and by help out I mean bartender N’mean. Ugly little fucker but a nice dude. Her career went up, his tanked. Is Chad Kroeger worse than Brody Jenner? I don’t know. The worst part of the linked story is that a Nicklebag lick Chad here can afford to gice his ex-common-law spouse 400K/yr.

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Girlfriends

10:19 am August, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Their first cd collaboration will be titled “Poo Cocktail Supreme”

10:19 am August, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d hate fuck tiny Advil though cause I like pink hair and sexual abuse.

10:23 am August, 22 Troy Tempest said...

Avril Levigne. Scarberia’s bleethy toxic contribution to the death of music. She’s from a suburb of Toronto called Scaroborough. It’s remote and boring and cold as fuck in the winter, hence, Scarberia.

11:32 am August, 22 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

That ain’t Chad Kroeger. That’s the dude from Sum-41. She married that dude first.

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Yup. Shit I shouldn’t know but I do.

12:59 pm August, 22 Charlie Smith said...

I consider myself a patriotic Canadian but I’m proud to say I’ve never listened to Avril (nor Shania, for that matter). Incidently, is it just me or is Avril looking a little rough in that photo? I guess she’s all grown up now and/or her team of airbrushers missed this photo.

1:21 pm August, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I can tell Avril likes to take it in the ass; She’s Canadian.

5:06 pm August, 22 DarkSock said...

Wait…Reverend isn’t the real Chad Kroeger?

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I need to sit down for a minute…

6:35 pm August, 22 Stephanie said...

Both of them don’t look too happy after only 6 months of screwing around. They just look like a couple of kids going to the local Olive Garden. I’m betting the marriage lasts about a year from now. Body language says a lot.

9:48 pm August, 22 Little Willie said...

Jerkoff on the right looks like a ventriloquist dummy.

11:03 pm August, 22 schlicht bindenburger said...

…who the fuck are these two pooholes?

4:35 am August, 23 CB Popped said...

Really fortunate Canadians….

1:40 pm August, 23 Prince Ahmed Al FaDuche said...

that is the first sign of the apocalypse

9:38 pm August, 30 Jeff said...

Not “Chadril” as the media will surely name them, but “Chadvil” — because we’ll all need lots of Advil to survive the media coverage.

Dear god, please let there NOT be a sex tape.

By the way, Troy, you can’t blame Scarberia for Avril. She was born in Belleville and then moved to Napanee. No, I didn’t have that factoid memorised, I looked it up. :-)

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