Thursday, August 23, 2012
Caption This Pic
#1: “It’s true! Grape Nuts contain neither grapes, nor nuts!”
#2: “So I says, ‘Angie! I don’t care if he’s hung like Tommy Lee, Giuseppe is bad news!’ And she was like, ‘Nuh uh!’ And I was like, ‘Yuh huh!’ And then I set her weave on fire and it was, like, totes hilarious! You shoudda been there.”
#3: “Chylamidia is that new diet skin cream they sell at Nordstroms, right?”
Can you do better? Take yer best shot in the thread.
“Damn these cheap X-Ray glasses I got from that comic book!”
(Must . . . not . . . look . . . directly . . . at . . . boobies . . . Dammit! Maybe she didn’t notice.)
“So I said, do you love me?” and she said “No, but that’s a real nice ski mask!”
“The doctor told you to stay away from open flames too?”
So I said, “do you love me?” and she said “No, but that’s a real nice ski mask!”
“Thag no understand pretty girl’s story . . . Thag am getting migrane.”
^migraine
” You are 50?”
So it’s 250 for an hour, 425 for two then 200 for each additional hour?
“Mother?”
“According to their wristbands, these two have been committed to the Extreme Narcissist Ward of the hospital.”
Jose Canseco regrets nothing.
Shayla does her best Freddy Krueger impression, but Marc has seen better.
See mom? THIS is why I want my own room …. stop rubbing lotion on my bacne
“You wanna feel my tits tonight”….. “Groooooooooo”
“My vagina stretches this wide!”
Fillipo Largeman stares longingly at Vito’s fake Rolex…….. Oh…. it will be mine …..
“Nice to meet you, paunch — I mean Ponch!”
THAT’S NOT MY CUMSTAIN ON YER RED DRESS,… I WIPED MY COCK ON THE DRAPES !!!>..
“So, like, is that the sound of one hand clapping?”
“And it wasn’t until the doctor got the speculum open this wide did he discover the entire stating line up of the 1989 Dallas Cowboys.”
Pretty decent turnout for Zyzz’s wake.
^ FUCCK! obviously starting not “stating” whatever the fucck that is.
“You talk and boner gets sad. Stop talking so much.”
“I don’t believe for a second that you got THAT much of the horse in your mouth!”
Are those breasticles real?
Wait…your geeky neighbor is how hung?
I don’t care how hung your neighbor is, I can always cut him down to size…
“OMG, did you watch “The Batchlor” last night?” -Him
“And that’s when I realized he was a proctologist and not a gynecologist.”
The only ban I support…(puts on glasses)…is a Ray-Ban. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
Does my boob job make me look stupid?
“No, Pino Noir is far more exalting and refined than Australian Shiraz.”
Don’t look, but blue shirt guy has his hand in his pants.
.
NO!! I SAID DON’T LOOK!!
“Does my bacne make my balls look small?”
Inside his overly developed cranial plating the following is being said while she yammers on: “So uh how fuggin’ long are ‘dem pills I plopped in her drink gonna take, hurry up already!”
“I’m thinking about getting another meaningless tattoo.”
Water? You’re gonna hit on me drinking water? What do you think I am, a jump off whobag?
“I wish those Roofies he put it my drink would kick in already so I don’t have to listen to his boring spiel about how great Brotein Bars are, and I can finally get some action.”
So I’ve been totally working my core lately, cuz, ya know, my face is about as attractive as fish guts…
“So…you work out?”
Wow Marty! They look great I see the surgery you had in Brazil really went well and those hormones are really kicking in. So Frankie wanted me to ask since you’re getting your sausage lopped off if he can have it. We’ve all seen him in the locker room and he could use the extra inches!
–
Wachowskis
So then the director says, “yeah, you should audition for Real Housewives. I think you got a shot,” but that jew bastard wouldn’t let me blow him like in a legit audition, even though I told him like 10 times I wanted to blow him so I’d know he was on the up and up.
So what’d ya say we get outta here and you give me an oral hernia exam?
“Uh..You blew Obama 5 times?”…”Ya. He’s got a huge cock, it tastes like pistachio and Chicago gangsters.”….”Do you know how badly he’s fucking this country?”…..”Whaaaat!”
So then I said, “Brah! you did not just look at me. Oh no you didn’t. Cuz if you did, I’d have to fuck up your shit.” And he was all just like, “You want fries with that? You want fries with that?”
So uhh you’re in luck babe, you caught me at just the right time during my juice cycle and I can fully ejaculate.
“I bet those loosers in their Mom’s basements are totally jelly of us right now. I mean look at us, you with your fake…everything and me with my sweet boardshorts.”
“Eh?”
She: “Speculative Realism is not 100% congruent to Object Oriented Ontology. You really should read Meillassoux.”
.
He: “Meillassoux’s got the skinny on correlationism, for sure, and I can see why you think Harman and Morton might depart from Speculative Realism into a new kind of orthodoxy, but I got one question.”
.
She: “What’s that?”
.
He: “Did you name your Boobies? Because I think one of them is screaming SUCK ME and I don’t ant to address it improperly.”
“And when I run really fast my meat curtains flapping sound just like the drum solo in Wipeout.”
“I actually did put someone’s eye out with these. He was a midget though.”
“This is called a thumb. T-H-U-M-B. It’s what separates you from… Oh nevermind.”
“Why all the girls slap Groo so hard? Groo just want to touch boobies!”
“Now if I remember what my personal defense instructor said, it was a striking motion to the Adam’s apple that will kill him instantly…”
“And then when I turned back around, the horse was running away. “
Hey,Tony! Wit dat blonde wig on I barely noticed your Adam’s Apple.
“So I was at Rehab Bar last night and Ashton Kutcher was SO hitting on me. He told me I looked just like Tara Reid!”
Her: What’s the most number of guys I’ve had inside me at one time? That’s a tough one. Let’s see, I guess it would be that time I met those frat guys at Rehab … there was Paul, Joe, I think his name was Joe at least, Steve, Ryan , another Joe … five. Five guys.
Him: Whoa, babe. That’s impressive. Most chicks get freaked out at four. Wanna go for the record?
Her: Sure!
“You look just like my fifth child!”
“This one time a guy was pulling out of my ass and a hemorrhoid just went,”Pow!” and exploded all over him.”
“Hear about the Dreuches newest alias? she’s still a pain in the ass and has no life.
“So this bitch cut in front of me, and I really had to pee, so I slapped her. just like this.”
“Hey, babe…you interested in some legitimate rape?”
“So, what’s your name, pretty lady?”
.
“CAW!!! CAW!!!! CAWWWW!!!!”
“Let’s go to the bar and push in each other’s stool…”
“So…you wore out?”
“David Brenner’s your dad? Really, ‘cuz you don’t look nuthin’ like him. NAAAA! I’m shittin’ you you look just like him. ‘Cept with nicer tits.”
“Seriously, if you spit in your hand instead of, you know, on the shaft, you don’t have to spit nearly as often and then your mouth doesn’t, you know, go all dry and sticky while yer workin’ it and shit.”
Didn’t I see you yesterday at the doctor’s office,I was getting my 2 month exam,er…no,never mind,it’s personal.
So,how much did you spend on those boobs? Boing.
She: so the particle accelerated went online just as we were calculating the Higgs-Boson coefficient… we just missed making the discovery
He: you’re fucking kidding me
Him – you look pretty hot for a tranny. How about checking out my anal tattoo and screw me in the rear end for a couple hours.
“She” – sure and I’ll even give you a left handed reach around.
“Look, you said you had a cock, not a pencil.”
.
“Ya, and I thought you said you wuz a virgin not a canyon.”
“You know, I always thought that William Gibson’s most visionary concepts were man’s increasing isolation from one another due to the encroachment of technology into our lives, symbolized by the many implants his characters had, in essence, surrendering a portion of their humanity.”
My hand still smells from rubbing Gino’s crotch last week!
Him: I am just arguing that reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics.
Her: Totally disagree, I agree with Kant via the categorical imperative which states that, ontologically it exists only in the imagination
Him: Ok, agree to disagree, nice Boobies.