Thursday, August 23, 2012

Caption This Pic

#1: “It’s true! Grape Nuts contain neither grapes, nor nuts!”

#2: “So I says, ‘Angie! I don’t care if he’s hung like Tommy Lee, Giuseppe is bad news!’ And she was like, ‘Nuh uh!’ And I was like, ‘Yuh huh!’ And then I set her weave on fire and it was, like, totes hilarious! You shoudda been there.”

#3: “Chylamidia is that new diet skin cream they sell at Nordstroms, right?”

Can you do better? Take yer best shot in the thread.

# posted by douchebag1
8:46 am August, 23 DouchYouWannaDance said...

“Damn these cheap X-Ray glasses I got from that comic book!”

8:50 am August, 23 Douche Wayne said...

(Must . . . not . . . look . . . directly . . . at . . . boobies . . . Dammit! Maybe she didn’t notice.)

8:51 am August, 23 Incognito said...

“So I said, do you love me?” and she said “No, but that’s a real nice ski mask!”

8:52 am August, 23 Kurt Hockerscrote said...

“The doctor told you to stay away from open flames too?”

8:53 am August, 23 Incognito said...

So I said, “do you love me?” and she said “No, but that’s a real nice ski mask!”

8:55 am August, 23 Douche Wayne said...

“Thag no understand pretty girl’s story . . . Thag am getting migrane.”

8:56 am August, 23 Douche Wayne said...

^migraine

8:59 am August, 23 Anonymous said...

” You are 50?”

9:00 am August, 23 Flounder said...

So it’s 250 for an hour, 425 for two then 200 for each additional hour?

9:01 am August, 23 Anonymous said...

“Mother?”

9:02 am August, 23 Douche Wayne said...

“According to their wristbands, these two have been committed to the Extreme Narcissist Ward of the hospital.”

9:04 am August, 23 Douche Wayne said...

Jose Canseco regrets nothing.

9:05 am August, 23 Douche Wayne said...

Shayla does her best Freddy Krueger impression, but Marc has seen better.

9:17 am August, 23 Vin Douchal said...

See mom? THIS is why I want my own room …. stop rubbing lotion on my bacne

9:20 am August, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“You wanna feel my tits tonight”….. “Groooooooooo”

9:23 am August, 23 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

“My vagina stretches this wide!”

9:23 am August, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Fillipo Largeman stares longingly at Vito’s fake Rolex…….. Oh…. it will be mine …..

9:24 am August, 23 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

“Nice to meet you, paunch — I mean Ponch!”

9:27 am August, 23 Vin Douchal said...

THAT’S NOT MY CUMSTAIN ON YER RED DRESS,… I WIPED MY COCK ON THE DRAPES !!!>..

9:30 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“So, like, is that the sound of one hand clapping?”

9:31 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“And it wasn’t until the doctor got the speculum open this wide did he discover the entire stating line up of the 1989 Dallas Cowboys.”

9:32 am August, 23 This just in... said...

Pretty decent turnout for Zyzz’s wake.

9:32 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ FUCCK! obviously starting not “stating” whatever the fucck that is.

9:34 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“You talk and boner gets sad. Stop talking so much.”

9:35 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“I don’t believe for a second that you got THAT much of the horse in your mouth!”

9:38 am August, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Are those breasticles real?

9:39 am August, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Wait…your geeky neighbor is how hung?

9:40 am August, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I don’t care how hung your neighbor is, I can always cut him down to size…

9:41 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“OMG, did you watch “The Batchlor” last night?” -Him

9:43 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“And that’s when I realized he was a proctologist and not a gynecologist.”

9:43 am August, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

The only ban I support…(puts on glasses)…is a Ray-Ban. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

9:44 am August, 23 Duck Duck Douche said...

Does my boob job make me look stupid?

9:45 am August, 23 CB Popped said...

“No, Pino Noir is far more exalting and refined than Australian Shiraz.”

9:45 am August, 23 Duck Duck Douche said...

Don’t look, but blue shirt guy has his hand in his pants.

.

NO!! I SAID DON’T LOOK!!

9:47 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“Does my bacne make my balls look small?”

9:50 am August, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Inside his overly developed cranial plating the following is being said while she yammers on: “So uh how fuggin’ long are ‘dem pills I plopped in her drink gonna take, hurry up already!”

9:50 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“I’m thinking about getting another meaningless tattoo.”

9:54 am August, 23 Dickie Fingers said...

Water? You’re gonna hit on me drinking water? What do you think I am, a jump off whobag?

9:54 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“I wish those Roofies he put it my drink would kick in already so I don’t have to listen to his boring spiel about how great Brotein Bars are, and I can finally get some action.”

9:55 am August, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

So I’ve been totally working my core lately, cuz, ya know, my face is about as attractive as fish guts…

9:56 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“So…you work out?”

9:59 am August, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Wow Marty! They look great I see the surgery you had in Brazil really went well and those hormones are really kicking in. So Frankie wanted me to ask since you’re getting your sausage lopped off if he can have it. We’ve all seen him in the locker room and he could use the extra inches!

Wachowskis

10:01 am August, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

So then the director says, “yeah, you should audition for Real Housewives. I think you got a shot,” but that jew bastard wouldn’t let me blow him like in a legit audition, even though I told him like 10 times I wanted to blow him so I’d know he was on the up and up.

10:02 am August, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

So what’d ya say we get outta here and you give me an oral hernia exam?

10:04 am August, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Uh..You blew Obama 5 times?”…”Ya. He’s got a huge cock, it tastes like pistachio and Chicago gangsters.”….”Do you know how badly he’s fucking this country?”…..”Whaaaat!”

10:05 am August, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

So then I said, “Brah! you did not just look at me. Oh no you didn’t. Cuz if you did, I’d have to fuck up your shit.” And he was all just like, “You want fries with that? You want fries with that?”

10:08 am August, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

So uhh you’re in luck babe, you caught me at just the right time during my juice cycle and I can fully ejaculate.

10:08 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“I bet those loosers in their Mom’s basements are totally jelly of us right now. I mean look at us, you with your fake…everything and me with my sweet boardshorts.”

10:19 am August, 23 This just in... said...

“Eh?”

11:16 am August, 23 Anonymous said...

She: “Speculative Realism is not 100% congruent to Object Oriented Ontology. You really should read Meillassoux.”

.

He: “Meillassoux’s got the skinny on correlationism, for sure, and I can see why you think Harman and Morton might depart from Speculative Realism into a new kind of orthodoxy, but I got one question.”

.

She: “What’s that?”

.

He: “Did you name your Boobies? Because I think one of them is screaming SUCK ME and I don’t ant to address it improperly.”

11:35 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“And when I run really fast my meat curtains flapping sound just like the drum solo in Wipeout.”

11:37 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“I actually did put someone’s eye out with these. He was a midget though.”

11:38 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“This is called a thumb. T-H-U-M-B. It’s what separates you from… Oh nevermind.”

11:40 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Why all the girls slap Groo so hard? Groo just want to touch boobies!”

11:42 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Now if I remember what my personal defense instructor said, it was a striking motion to the Adam’s apple that will kill him instantly…”

11:43 am August, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“And then when I turned back around, the horse was running away. “

12:06 pm August, 23 donniedouchebags said...

Hey,Tony! Wit dat blonde wig on I barely noticed your Adam’s Apple.

12:11 pm August, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“So I was at Rehab Bar last night and Ashton Kutcher was SO hitting on me. He told me I looked just like Tara Reid!”

12:11 pm August, 23 Morbo said...

Her: What’s the most number of guys I’ve had inside me at one time? That’s a tough one. Let’s see, I guess it would be that time I met those frat guys at Rehab … there was Paul, Joe, I think his name was Joe at least, Steve, Ryan , another Joe … five. Five guys.

Him: Whoa, babe. That’s impressive. Most chicks get freaked out at four. Wanna go for the record?

Her: Sure!

12:12 pm August, 23 Morbo said...

“You look just like my fifth child!”

12:15 pm August, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“This one time a guy was pulling out of my ass and a hemorrhoid just went,”Pow!” and exploded all over him.”

12:28 pm August, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Hear about the Dreuches newest alias? she’s still a pain in the ass and has no life.

12:53 pm August, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“So this bitch cut in front of me, and I really had to pee, so I slapped her. just like this.”

1:06 pm August, 23 DarkSock said...

“Hey, babe…you interested in some legitimate rape?”

1:07 pm August, 23 DarkSock said...

“So, what’s your name, pretty lady?”

.

“CAW!!! CAW!!!! CAWWWW!!!!”

1:07 pm August, 23 DarkSock said...

“Let’s go to the bar and push in each other’s stool…”

1:59 pm August, 23 Duck Duck Douche said...

“So…you wore out?”

2:17 pm August, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

“David Brenner’s your dad? Really, ‘cuz you don’t look nuthin’ like him. NAAAA! I’m shittin’ you you look just like him. ‘Cept with nicer tits.”

2:21 pm August, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

“Seriously, if you spit in your hand instead of, you know, on the shaft, you don’t have to spit nearly as often and then your mouth doesn’t, you know, go all dry and sticky while yer workin’ it and shit.”

3:35 pm August, 23 Stephanie said...

Didn’t I see you yesterday at the doctor’s office,I was getting my 2 month exam,er…no,never mind,it’s personal.

3:38 pm August, 23 Stephanie said...

So,how much did you spend on those boobs? Boing.

6:24 pm August, 23 T-Mark said...

She: so the particle accelerated went online just as we were calculating the Higgs-Boson coefficient… we just missed making the discovery

He: you’re fucking kidding me

7:45 pm August, 23 Little Willie said...

Him – you look pretty hot for a tranny. How about checking out my anal tattoo and screw me in the rear end for a couple hours.

“She” – sure and I’ll even give you a left handed reach around.

5:07 am August, 24 Eponymous Douche said...

“Look, you said you had a cock, not a pencil.”

.

“Ya, and I thought you said you wuz a virgin not a canyon.”

7:03 pm August, 24 Douche McAllister said...

“You know, I always thought that William Gibson’s most visionary concepts were man’s increasing isolation from one another due to the encroachment of technology into our lives, symbolized by the many implants his characters had, in essence, surrendering a portion of their humanity.”

6:41 am August, 27 MissMon said...

My hand still smells from rubbing Gino’s crotch last week!

9:49 am August, 29 Groupon said...

Him: I am just arguing that reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics.

Her: Totally disagree, I agree with Kant via the categorical imperative which states that, ontologically it exists only in the imagination

Him: Ok, agree to disagree, nice Boobies.

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