Friday, August 3, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Oh LarryBirdbag. How your white trash ‘stache impresses the hotties of Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Your humb narrs is back in Los Angeles.

A final goodbye to NYC. But a mental promise to the city that if/when I sell my next show, I’mma buy a condo in your overpriced nether region.

That’s the fact, jack.

So a bit light on links this week, but what are ya gonna do. I scratch myself and pontificate on the post-douchebag moment. Thank God for hot chicks.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Classic CD Pick of the Week: “Well it’s Ninth and Hennepin, All the doughnuts have names that sound like prostitutes, And the moon’s teeth marks are on the sky, Like a tarp thrown all over this, And the broken umbrellas like dead birds, And the steam comes out of the grill, Like the whole goddamn town’s ready to blow…”

Seagalbag. Still out there. Still pretending his last name isn’t Jewish by misspelling it and giving it a French pronunciation and misspelling it.

The real reason people watch the Olympics.

It’s safe to say that, in spite of the gold medals, Ryan Lochte is a bit douchey.

There is art. There is modern art. And there is the greatness that is William Wegman.

The Meyerbag.  Still out there.  Still shallower than a thimble full of aardvark pee.

But you are not here for boring updates of undeserving hack “celebrity” musician frauds who suck the tailpipe on the jalopy of life. You are here for pear.

Brasil Olympic Pear

Or, if you need to be pro-American in your pearabrations:

Cowgirl Pear

In the spirit of the games. And the fact that it’s overdue that the world admits the #1 reason one billion people watch the Olympics: hot, young, grunting, global chickas in bikinis and tight spandex.

# posted by douchebag1
12:09 pm August, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy Pear. I’d like to Johnny her Cash.

12:10 pm August, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowgirl Pear. I’d like to Slim her Whitmans.

12:12 pm August, 3 I R A Darth Aggie said...

That’s some mighty fine Olympic pear, there, boss. Also, the farm pear? I’d give her John Deere a work out…

12:25 pm August, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Cowboy Pear. I’d like to bust her bronco.

12:26 pm August, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Cowboy Pear. I’d like to 3:10 Her Yuma.

12:38 pm August, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Cowboy Pear. I’d let her ride me side saddle.

12:44 pm August, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Does anybody remember this twat?

.

.

Oooooooo, she sure got us. Wheeeeeeeeezeerr!

12:44 pm August, 3 IL Douchee said...

NYC’s “overpriced nether region”?

Is condo buying in Staten Island that expensive?

12:48 pm August, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Sorry y’all but I’m really fuccen bored and don’t wanna work

.

.

Sheesh

12:55 pm August, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Can’t tell if they’re being ironic or not.

.

1:03 pm August, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

DON’T CLICK ON THIS!!!!!!

.

.

Why does no one ever listen??

1:25 pm August, 3 CB Popped said...

LOL Ill douchee….

Cowboy Pear,,,,oh Cowboy pair,,,,

Spank that shit.

1:30 pm August, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Well shit, don’t click on this either

.

“This

1:31 pm August, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Or this

2:45 pm August, 3 Jaan Kanellis said...

Cant believe you missed these pears:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/19-photos-that-are-definitely-not-just-of-sexy-wom

3:00 pm August, 3 Freckles said...

Ryan Lochte is gonna win the gold medal for most pussy scored at the games. Damn.

3:00 pm August, 3 The Dude said...

Cowgirl Pear. I’d Duke her Daisy.

3:02 pm August, 3 The Dude said...

Ryan Lochte is a momma’s boy. Tell him to come over here, and I’ll say it to his face, then run away. Swimmers can’t run very well.

3:16 pm August, 3 Bobzilla said...

I bet Ryan Lochte can just point at a girl and her panties auto drop. Dude probably doesn’t even need to use the internet he’s that good. Must be nice.

3:19 pm August, 3 Bobzilla said...

Like right now he’s probably getting blown by at least two Brazilian chicks while a Spanish chick cups his balls.

3:20 pm August, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Some of these Olympians are seriously , uniquely talented athletes and others are fucking pussies named Apolo Ohno

3:38 pm August, 3 Bobzilla said...

Ryan Lochte doesn’t even know how to use Google, but the dude can’t take a step without his penis falling into a willing vagina. Maddening for us computer guys isn’t it?

4:16 pm August, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Annette,” I says, “what the hell are you doing starting the car with the keys? Use the remote! You remember what happened to Tony Coffee Cups? Baboom,” I says. Mrs Wallnuts turned and gave me the, “Go-fuck-yourself hand gesture,” by punching her left arm straight out at me and slapping the inside of that arm with her open right hand. That Annette, whatta minchiona!

.

Anyways, I’m sick of this story about the mob, Ike and the whole JFK mishegas. It really is pretty simple; the mob ran things – all things – and when things weren’t going their way they got rid of the people who was gettin in the way of them gettin things the way they wanted. Cuba was taken from the Families and they weren’t happy. When they couldn’t get it back, people got dead. Capice?

.

Oswald was a half-a-retard who could barely hold a rifle but was so pazzo he really thought he was the shooter. Meanwhiles it was Silvio Lug Nuts behind him with the silencer who pulled off the shot; Oswald didn’t even know he had blanks in his rifle. Whatta busone! 

.

Alfie Doughnuts in the Grassy Knoll was insurance just in case Lug Nuts missed the shot. Doughnuts messed things up. He was gettin blowed in the bushes behind the fence in the Grassy Knoll and, in the excitement, shot his load and his gun. Oofa, what problems that caused! Good thing they never found that bullet because it was supposed to be the same ammo Lug Nuts was using, but Doughnuts lost the bullets and had to improvise. 

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Oh, and the whole Jack Ruby thing was a fuck up, as well. The message he got was don’t kill Oswald, but the messenger, Pauly “The Nose” Capobadonza had too much Grappa and slurred his words to Ruby, who didn’t ask Pauly the Nose to repeat the message, and almost blew the whole thing. The Nose wound up being put into an industrial sized drum of Puttanesca sauce – alive – that was sealed up and dumped in the Gulf of Mexico. Whatta way to go…

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There were so many screw ups in this caper I’m amazed nobody could ever prove what really happened.

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Anyways, I gotta run. Women’s Beach Volleyball is on the NBC. 

4:29 pm August, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Apparently I’m the first person to click the William Wegman video which don’t work.

4:48 pm August, 3 Bobzilla said...

The guy in the pic above buys his chicken from Dude-Fe-Late.

5:57 pm August, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

What was up with Santo Trafficante? and was the original Fontainebleau all that it was cracked up to be?

5:59 pm August, 3 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Cowboy Pear: I’d like to plow her fields!

6:01 pm August, 3 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Cowboy Pear: I’d like to rim her black tire!

6:02 pm August, 3 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Cowboy Pear: I’d like to plant my cornstock!

6:04 pm August, 3 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Cowboy Pear: I’d like to milk her jugs!

6:59 pm August, 3 The Dude said...

Cowboy Pear: I’d La Plante one in her Ass Pear

8:07 pm August, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Laugh out loud @ D. Wallnuts

10:16 pm August, 3 DarkSock said...

Well…now I understand why Steven Seagal wasn’t invited to The Expendables 2…

12:25 am August, 4 The Dude said...

I’m a little drunk. This is the only place where I can say something awful and not regret it in the morning.

.

For example, an Olympic observation: I think women’s cycling is sexier than women’s volleyball. As an old volleyball player, I say this with clinical perspective. Check out the start — young, perfectly-toned teenage girls being held by guys my age. Cameratoes (you get it) abound as these excited young girls await the

.

There, see? I didn’t put that on my Facebook Page! Thanks Boss!

12:27 am August, 4 The Dude said...

Female hurdles = renob

Female cycling = renob

Female Basketball = what else is on? Classic Arts Showcase? cool

12:28 am August, 4 The Dude said...

Jenna Jameson in bed with Mitt = LLIK RENOB

10:21 am August, 4 Olddog1 said...

Having been to 9th and Hennepin I can say with with assurance that it’s not that cool. I think old Tom was on something. I can pretty much assure that it’s rather dull, in a dingy, dirty way. BTW, I am referring to the intersection in Minneapolis, otherwise known as the corner of No and Where.

11:27 am August, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Santo Trafficante, molto spietato. Like a yenta at a Neiman Marcus trunk sale. Capice?

4:18 pm August, 4 Douchble Helix said...

What a cock up!!

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Black & white video. No sound. And the ball doesn’t make an appearance until the end.

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Waiter! Check please!

11:15 pm August, 4 Guid is Good said...

Weimaraners are only bought by stupid people to make themselves look smarter.

6:50 pm August, 5 Little Willie said...

AJ from the Sopranos showing his feminine side. Red looks like she could be underage but not by much.

9:29 am August, 7 Jeff said...

This guy got his hairstyle from A Flock of Pigeons, the lesser-known 80s band.

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