Friday, August 10, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Your humb narrs is now in Boston for a little family time. Dunkin Donuts coffee will be consumed. Oh yes, it will be consumed.

The legendary ‘Sock has graciously agreed to step in and keep you entertained next week while I troll through the traumatic memories of the teen years and search for Rosebud.

The mock must continue. Oh yes.

King Douchuous the IV and the Bobble Blondes would have it no other way.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Classic CD of the Week: “I met my love by the gas works wall, Dreamed a dream by the old canal, I kissed my girl by the factory wall, Dirty old town, Dirty old town…”

If you’re a fan of the card games, but aren’t sure about which sites are legit, give pokerblog.com a checkout. It’s also one of HCwDB’s friends, so it’s a good cause, too.

Eagle-eyed Hector tags The King desperately trying to get his fledgling acting career going.

Another eagle-eyed reader, Derek catches a true 100% purity of douche trying to get a job on LinkedIn. “I basically worked here because the girls were hot” for the win/loss.

A bunch of Gwai-Lo Bros get matching Beef with Broccoli tatts. Attempts to locate a self through the iconography of foreign culture continues among the spiritually broken.

Here’s a depressing read on the legacy of Zyzz, aka Mecha Hineyho, in Australia. Rape, ultraviolence, and Beethoven, without the Beethoven.

From the mixed emotions department: Mohawk Guy helps land the Mars Rover.

The technology changes, but the douchebags do not.

Someone named Bill Schultz, who hosts a show on Fox News called Red Eye, is apparently a violently nauseating Grieco Bag. Yeesh, what a greasy maroon.

America’s youth. Still shoving vodka-soaked tampons up their butts.

The Olympics are almost over, but I’m still recovering from the fact that Ryan Lochte wore a grill.

But you are not here for endless Olympic references. You are here for pear.

Real world flotation pear.

And if that ain’t enough, try on some

Daisy-Dukes Shoe Pear

And life suddenly has meaning and worth again.

# posted by douchebag1
11:48 am August, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

King Douchious is The Man, and by The Man I mean he is a fuccen douchebag.

11:50 am August, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

And in case anyone cares, my new favorite band is, “Pussy Riot.” Perhaps picking up the mantle that Quiet Riot dropped.

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http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/10/entertainment-us-russia-madonna-pussyrio-idUSBRE8790P420120810

11:54 am August, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Great quote. Should be comment of the week.

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”I am increasingly seeing a new breed of extremely narcissistic, under-fathered adolescent male,” says the psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg. ”He is beset with rigid, inflexible thinking, has no respect for authority, little exposure to tradition or ritual and has few, if any, skills in anger management.”

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I am beset with a boner and few , if any skills in boner management.

11:57 am August, 10 FredN. said...

Flotation pear absolutely, positively has to be p’shopped.

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Cuz otherwise, I have to marry her.

12:03 pm August, 10 Anonymous said...

Both pear somewhat hamish, and by hamish I mean hambeast-ish.

12:17 pm August, 10 FredN. said...

P.S. Rum Sodomy and the Lash is a perfect album.

12:19 pm August, 10 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Bill Schultz is no one to worry about – apparently he’s a professed cornholer, and is thus using the exotic brunette slurpaliciousness in the pic as a ‘beard.’

Interesting that Fox News would have an openly confessed fudgepacker on their network……

12:27 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

Bill Schultz’s teeth are so yellow when he smiles, traffic slows down.

12:28 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

I want to take a nap on Flotation Pear’s perfect ass globes.

12:28 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

Bill Schultz’s teeth are so yellow he drinks Sprite and spits out Mello Yello.

12:29 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

Bill Schultz’s teeth are so yellow they use gold fillings to color-match.

12:31 pm August, 10 FredN. said...

I can’t stop staring at Flotation Pear.

12:34 pm August, 10 Duck Duck Douche said...

Flotation Pear really should have red and green navaids installed before someone crashes a boat into it.

12:38 pm August, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Kids these days, such lightweights. When I was younger we used to hook up gallon jugs of 200 proof everclear to gravity lines and alco-sodimize each other with pure grain alcohol enemas. And that was just for happy hour. I’m not supposed to talk about the stuff we did after dark an account of my mate Petey’s parole hearing is coming up and whatnot.

12:45 pm August, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

No photoshop detected for Floatation Pear?! How can that be? The brunette in front of her has that low center of gravity look to her too. You could have them both stand by the boat rail and you wouldn’t need fenders.

12:51 pm August, 10 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Bill Schultz’s teeth are so yellow he gets mistaken for being British

12:52 pm August, 10 Anonymous said...

Bleeth on right is Miss Chernobyl. Left bleeth w/ raised sunglasses risks blinding flash of irradiated bacon rind from Chernobyl’s ham-encrusted backside.

12:56 pm August, 10 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

And Zyzz’s death by “Bankok sauna” is definitely code for gay sex with young Thai ladyboys.

1:02 pm August, 10 gmokery said...

The Brothers’ tattoos seem to be “House Friend Love.” Could be a fraternity thing.

1:13 pm August, 10 Douche Wayne said...

Dude @ 12:52

Next you’ll tell me there’s no Santa. Maybe the photoshop was a reduction? And DB1 posted actual pic? I dare to dream.

Objects in Mirror are Closer Than They Appear

1:13 pm August, 10 Vin Douchal said...

@ Db1

.

Nah, you’ve got Bill Schultz all wrong. He’s aight, that’s obviously a costume party. Maybe your liberal slant is showing….

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Without “Red Eye” and “The Five” we’d have never been exposed to the enchanting Carrie Keagan:

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And where would we ever get to see Ex-of-Ex-Mayor-of-San Francisco’s DSL’s ? Nice glasses Kim, Rrrr!

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Or what about Juliett Huddy? You can’t just turn on the tube and see her anywhere…

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Or Patti Anne Browne, classy NewsMILF / underground sex symbol for everyone from frat boys to retired accountants?

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And the funniest man out there right now, Canadian-Scottsman , Gavin McInnes

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and HERE, too

1:14 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

DAMMIT DUDE McC…WHY MUST YOU TEAR DOWN EVERYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE?

2:40 pm August, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

That’s some quality pear, there, boss. And by quality, I mean I’ll be in my bunk.

2:50 pm August, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sorry, sons. Spotting fakes is kinda my OCD.

3:52 pm August, 10 Wheezer said...

For all those disturbed by Dude McCrude’s finding of the Photoshop (12:52 p.m.), why not console yourselves by repeatedly clicking on the “Switch” button shown there.

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Oh yeah. Or you can just wait for Vin to post more hotties and develop the Pavlovian boner seeing his name always gives me.

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What?

3:52 pm August, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I hear Lindsay Lohan is soaking tampons in jizz and shoving them in her rectum instead of sucking dick and swallowing.

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Guzzlers

3:55 pm August, 10 Wheezer said...

Well, OK, yeah…..I meant that you need to click on the “real” pic TinEye found and then do the “Switch” thing.

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And is King Douchuous trying to win another Irving Thallbag Award? He’s been in the ‘Bag News a lot lately. Maybe he wants to dampen Stackhouse’s chances.

4:17 pm August, 10 Colossus of Choads said...

Holy God flotation pear must go into Hall of Pear.

Also of note is “asshole on phone in background”.

4:32 pm August, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Daisy-Dukes Shoe Pear is dirty yet intriguing all at the same time and that’s the way it should be. I tip my shoe tree to her.

4:42 pm August, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Colossus of Choads

“Also of note is “asshole on phone in background”.”. That was my first thought too but then I thought maybe it’s DarkSock doing some bag hunting recon work. Am I to understand that it’s SockWeek™ again? if so note to self to pick up some tissues, Makers Mark and a bottle of Jergens. Sock love Pear and sharing it as much as the Rev loves chiba, as much as nancydreuche loves being a troll.

4:44 pm August, 10 Vincenzio said...

Yes DB1, life is certainly worth living thanks to the photoshopped buttocks. I was on a ledge earlier, but then I checked in and viewed some fake ass heiny and now all is golden. Also I think there should be a Halloween costume exemption re: Bill Schultz. Sure he’s probably a bag but I’m not basing it purely off of one Halloween pic. What is this Stalingrad? And those ladies featured on that show got to where they are today by their own journalistic integrity and hard work. And that is why they are featured there. And if anyone disagrees you better have some facts to back up your argument.

4:59 pm August, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

For what it’s worth Mrs Wallnuts had one-too-many Dubonnet Cocktails tonight and we had a Pussy Riot in her coat. Ya hear me, Cool Breeze?

5:01 pm August, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That should read, “in her house coat.” My fingers are slippery, na mean?

5:04 pm August, 10 Vincenzio said...

Who wears a housecoat, well besides my grandma when she was really sick.

6:08 pm August, 10 Vincenzio said...

Also grill or no grill Ryan Lochte is having sex with the Romanian gymnastics team as I type this. Comanecis ate having the shit Nadia’ed outta them. Again, whatta lucky bastard.

7:29 pm August, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Speaking of poker, just got back from the local Indian casino where I had dinner and a couple hours of video poker. And by dinner I mean 8 beers and a cigar.

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If you play right you can beat them games. If you drink enough you’ll make friends with the barkeep and they’ll let you know which games have been singing. Don’t need a royal flush , just a half dozen four of a kinds and its time to leave, $ 440 richer. It also guaranteed I wouldn’t be near a tv to suffer through another Red sox game.

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Kemosabi

8:34 pm August, 10 The Dude said...

Butt chugging? Thank god for Patti Anne Browne

8:51 pm August, 10 Elwood BluezBag said...

Flotation Pear quotes: “Does this thong make my ass look big?”

9:03 pm August, 10 Rev Chad Raving Drunk. Son said...

I just got drunk on cheap Jagerbombs with some kids at a wedding. Now I’m going ape on the Grapefruit Haze x Big Bang Autoflower just harvested so I can get to sleep.

Fucking Red Bull is like speed and I feel revved up like a douche.

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10:25 pm August, 10 Little Willie said...

I would enjoy sodomizing floatation pear’s perfectly round ass for hours.

10:36 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

…revved up like a douche…

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And now I’m running with a knife?

10:37 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

…revved up like a douche…

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And just another foreman in the night?

10:38 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

…revved up like a douche…

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Amanda Rum and HerbaLife™?

11:54 pm August, 10 The Dude said...

“Thank god for Patti Anne Browne” says The Dude.

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‘No probs, The Dude’ says God. Or one of them.

12:36 am August, 11 Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, Vincenzio Dreuche is salivating over food once again… You need to lay off the ham, remember?

5:45 am August, 11 CB Popped said...

Revved up like a douche,

Douches make me wanna lose my sight.

Revved up like a douche,

Dark Sock for another fortnight.

Revved up like a douche,

AMERICA KICKS ASS @ THE OLYMPICS.

Except for our Men’s gymnasts – 2 months ago I was watching the qualifying games,,,one of the guys was a bonified DB, shirt off in front of camera way too long, serious hair gel spikage, and went for the douchebag face/hand gesture for the TV crowd.

It was then I knew the Chinese would kill us.

Our women Gymnasts did us proud, soccer too.

5:49 am August, 11 CB Popped said...

Travel safe DB1.

http://www.striped-bass.com/Stripertalk/scuppers/69089-babe-s-week-twins.html

Check out the Colombian twins.

Pear like this is extremely high – grade, grass fed on the Mountains of South America….rare pear.

5:52 am August, 11 Wheezer said...

Hey ‘Sock, perhaps you can incorporate something like this into your Pear work here next week:

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http://fontmeme.com/

6:00 am August, 11 The Dude said...

I want to have Logan Tom’s children.

7:31 am August, 11 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Thoughts:

“Flotation Pear”: Is it just me, or are we suddenly drifting from “Pear” to “Watermelon”? There’s a fine line between “badonk-a-donk” and “fat-ass”.

“Shoe Pear”: When you wear shorts THAT short, no one is looking at your shoes.

And Fox goes heavy on the blond bimbo Spokesmodels because otherwise, you might just pay attention to the nonsense coming out of their mouths.

8:03 am August, 11 The Dude's Mom said...

@My little Dudie, make sure you marry him first boobala.

8:16 am August, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ok I just got back from the store shopping in anticipation of SockWeek. They were out of Jergens so I went with Neutrogena® I also picked up a buy one get one free package of tissue paper. I got a case a beer, a line on some good sheesh which hopefully be hear by Monday and new splash guard for my laptop. The one I bought last time when DarkSock was manning the helm was trashed by the end of that week. BRING ON THE PEAR.

10:05 am August, 11 Sir Douche said...

Bill Schultz’s nail polish is chipped.

10:58 am August, 11 entropy1 said...

11:00 am August, 11 entropy1 said...

The link was to the Eddie Carr original(?) version of “Dirty Old Town” from the 60’s. Some of us were alive back then.

11:59 am August, 11 DarkSock said...

There will be Pear, Et Tu…Oh Yes.

If’n any of you miscreants have pear to share, or Friday Thoughts, or even an unholy bag/hott coupling, shoot me a Gmail. Son.

12:20 pm August, 11 The String Part of Flotation Pear's Thong said...

Is it daytime? Is the sun shining? Is it dark out? Is there a garment being worn over me? Somebody help me out, I can’t see a fuccen thing!

4:22 am August, 12 Techno Dan said...

Real World Flotation Pear is awesome – a huge, round booty on a non-hispanic white girl! Woo!

8:01 am August, 12 The Dude said...

Mohawks are completely fucking stupid. They need to be shunned, and mocked. I don’t care if that guy is a genius rocket scientist — he should know better. Fuck!

11:25 am August, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Fox is to “News” as Rasslin’ is to “Sports”.

5:03 pm August, 12 Guid is Good said...

Those crazy kids.

10:18 pm August, 13 Anonymous said...

Bah-stin. Do they still play Dancing Queen (I assume that’s the name of the song) and say wicked retah-did? Gotta love ’em.

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