Monday, August 27, 2012

Jack the Lipper

There are many schools of flush that circle the toilet bowl of life.

Jack the Lipper is one of them.

A steaming brown turdlike substance that smells vaguely of wheatgrass and trust fund.

A shmorgasboard of faux “Rock star” impersonative taint.

I write this not as poetry. But as mock. For Pouty Michaela’s Mayan Eye of Coitus suggests the girl you did drunken shooters with at the oyster bar near the sandy cove during junior year spring break. And for that, I wistfully honor her memory by rubbing up on a tree stump and humming the theme to Kojak.

# posted by douchebag1
11:37 am August, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I had no idea this got you hard Boss:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie3u05fJwj0

.

I thought you were more of a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5DnqW3F57E&feature=fvwrel

.

.

.

yeah, I’m too fuccen lazy right now.

11:46 am August, 27 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Dendrophilia is a victimless crime!

11:48 am August, 27 Capt. James T. Douche said...

However engaging in any sort of activity involving the exchange of bodily fluids with creature in the picture without medical supervision is a crime !!

12:00 pm August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Hee hee hee! She’s taller than him. Either that or he sold his feet for a chance to read from Milton’s greatest works to no one on the community college quad for half an hour, or until campus security came up and impounded his Vespa, which ever came first.

12:24 pm August, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Little Bang Theory.

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https://www.tuscl.net/stripclub.php?DID=2765

12:26 pm August, 27 The Dude said...

Mons! I’m booking my flight for whenever those ‘tards have left.

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Sloppy seconds

12:28 pm August, 27 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Siegfried and Roy did have a child. Vee lohve zee vhite tiger!

1:32 pm August, 27 jonezy said...

It’s been a couple dozen years but I just remembered there was a time when a girl wearing a wifebeater was a real bad ass thing to do- and damn was it hot! Your tale of spring break coupled with Michaela’s attire reminds me of memories long lost.

.

…and of the clap I got from it.

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Surprised DW’s reminisces don’t refer to the Clap more often. The Clap I says.

.

Douche up above probably thinks he’s wearing Tim Burton’s clothing line. Very dark of you, dude! But where’s the guyliner?

1:38 pm August, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Just though of this. Since the prophecy that was been foretold happened this past weekend, what this playing in the delivery room?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrSiIqCpxB8

1:52 pm August, 27 DouchYouWannaDance said...

“Fake glasses with no lenses” is reaching the point of “autodouche” now and yet goes unacknowledged.

2:12 pm August, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

Jack Tripper would pound the shit out of Jack the Lipper in a fight for that matter so would Jack the Stripper in his fairy boots.

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Geezers

2:17 pm August, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

Dems mighty perky tits she’s wearing. Chap faintly reminiscent of Peter Sellers appears to be ignoring the obvious, which in turn is an obvious symptom of douchebaggery.

Punishment: a salon treatment with a Vagisil rinse.

8:45 pm August, 27 The Dude said...

Perky boobies are good. Like crunchy cereal in the morning, a baloney sammich for lunch and a cupla sqigs from a giant bottle of whisky, couple of lines, a doob and perky boobies for din din.

.

Am I right? Or, am I right? Take yer pick. Perky

8:46 pm August, 27 The Dude said...

^swigs. Fukn retard button keeps slipping.

10:21 pm August, 27 The Ever-Present Anonymous said...

Neck tatts. On a wanna-be hipster bag. Ok, a hipster bag, let’s call him (it) what it is.

What is going on when the neck tatt signifier has migrated/mutated from its traditional nesting grounds on hard-rockbags and burnt-out meth users to homes on squirrely looking schlubs like this?

The virus still spreads.

We must stop it. We will stop it. As soon as I finish the last OE I have in my fridge.

Neck tatts? Really?

4:55 am August, 28 CB Popped said...

Fake glasses without lenses are autodouche.

9:07 am August, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Michaela is all kinds of skanky goodness. She is why you want to keep a discreet doctor with a thick prescription pad on speed dial.

11:59 am August, 28 Troy Tempest said...

His scrotum is made of welded steel. It’s a defensive manoeuvre for getting his nads pummelled in junior high EVERY DAY.

1:40 am August, 29 Stephanie said...

It’s a photo with your girlfriend ,not a music video. She’s almost done with you and your inflated ego,and promises.

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