Tuesday, August 28, 2012

JaMon is Not a Douche

Some dudes, many of them brothas, can pull off a look that no white man can achieve. This is the immutable nature of coolness, and has been since Cab Calloway first donned a zoot suit.

Even with ‘bag hand gesture #26 and chest reveal, I’m willing to go notta. Why? Because JaMon’s fro crosses over into Jewfro territory, and for that, I feel a kinship. He’s verging on violation of the brothabag leniency, first enacted as penance for the appropriation of black subculture by white suburban tools since the mid 1980s. But he has not crossed over.

Seductive Spanish Paprika Hott Pilar makes my nethers cha cha to gringified salsa. She is the spicey chiquita of life, and I bow to her ancestral thigh rub.

# posted by douchebag1
9:13 am August, 28 FredN. said...

Interesting. In laboring to bestow a notta, you overlook the gold chain, facial hair, and [likely] ass grab.

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Add those to the mix and the notta cannotta stand.

9:19 am August, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

There is something in this pic other than Pilar, the Iberian goddess? She could poop in my Cheerios and I’d just smile.

9:20 am August, 28 icame isaw idouched said...

Bag!

9:27 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Later that night:

.

“Doo dah doo dah doo dah doo,…. WOOB Whoaaaah”

.

9:36 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Jamon also probably pays bass. Therefore he is a necessity and not a douche. Around these parts bass players are rare ….

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[URL=http://gifsoup.com/view/425280/stupid-bass-player-moves.html][IMG]http://gifsoup.com/imager.php?id=425280&t=o[/IMG][/URL] [URL=http://gifsoup.com/]GIFSoup[/URL]

9:37 am August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Nice link, dick:

9:46 am August, 28 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Dissenting vote. Jamon is definetily douchewank.

Note the belt. Note the necklace. Note the untucked shirt and cheap, highly stylized leather jacket. Note the carefully arranged face pubes. Everything about this he-bitch is a front, a pose, a preening peacocking strut of metrosessual unmanly twinkness. Hence, douchosity is easily achieved.

9:57 am August, 28 Anonymous said...

BelT PaRt oF JaCKet AnD jAmOn pArT OF ThE pRObLem. MaSTurBatORy CraMp rEvEal aLsO DecIdEs iT.

10:04 am August, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’m confused is his name pronounced JaMon in a Jamaican patois? or does his name pronounced to sound eerily similar to ticket scalping, Jennifer Jason Leigh banging Damon?

.

10:05 am August, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmm…………. Seductive Spanish Paprika Hott Pilar.

10:22 am August, 28 This just in... said...

Dudes a fuckin douche. Look at all that blatant peacockery. Also I vote the hand signal Masturbatory Cramp Reveal be placed in the hall of douchal hand signifiers. NiCe WoRk AnOn.

10:25 am August, 28 This just in... said...

Also it looks like they’re using the top of the Stanely Cup as an ice bowl for their douchey bottle service! Why I never!

10:30 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Lenny Manichevitz

10:30 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

AHole

10:31 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

P-Knotty

10:31 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Hilarious W.I.G.

10:32 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Andre 100

10:32 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

BlUsher

10:32 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dreck

10:33 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bob Farley

10:33 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Chris Frown

10:35 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Boobyface

10:36 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bobby Clown

10:43 am August, 28 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Button the shirt, then tuck it in and I’ll give you the notta and go in peace with the pear of your dreams.

11:03 am August, 28 Jasper said...

This here chick for HOH! Sure she’s covered up, but come on fellers, at least she’s got a flower in her mouth so you know what that means….she’ll gobble your stem. Well as long as it doesn’t have any thorns that is. Back when I was doing my first tour of duty I picked up a wicked case of thorny peen. It was either in Danang or when I was stationed in Detroit. Point is…heh…point is, only skizziest of skanks would touch it. So I got some medicine for it and wouldn’t ya know that’s when I met the Mrs.

11:55 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

MaSTurBatORy CraMp rEvEal FTW!

11:58 am August, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I’d crawl on my belly across a field filled with fresh creamy cowpies, and resist the urge to shower for a week, just to hang out and try to sniff the undersoles of the gardner who may have come in contact with Pilar when he offered her that clipped white rose!

12:07 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

There’s a theme song for this song, and this thread, by the great Tom Lehrer.

12:07 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

*post* not “song”.

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The first “song”, not the second one.

12:09 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And the word “song” not the song song, which isn’t titled “song”, but the actu- Oh, never mind.

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I’m goin’ back to bed.

12:10 pm August, 28 FredN. said...

“Andre 100” made me giggle.

12:46 pm August, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Jamon is both a douche and a ham. The concept that a black guy can’t be a douche because somehow black coolness offsets the douche vibe is raysis.

1:37 pm August, 28 Capt. James T. Douche said...

The Grieco virus does not descriminate and neither do I he’s a major bag!

1:31 am August, 29 Stephanie said...

Rasta dung.

6:19 am August, 29 JustDan said...

If that’s a cross, he crossed.

8:56 pm August, 30 Jeff said...

Oh, man, soooo true about black guys being able to wear things that white guys can’t. Years ago, I was the only white guy in the room with my girlfriend, some of her family, and assorted other friends, all of them black. We were all watching a Steve Harvey standup special. He was wearing a bright lemon yellow suit. Most of the people in the room had a comment about the suit, most of them positive, and I thought he looked good in it, too. I said that there wasn’t a white guy on the planet who could wear that suit. There was dead silence for about a second and then everyone laughed their asses off and agreed with me. There hadn’t been any “racial tension” in the room before, but there was sure none after I said that and it was a really fun evening with everyone.

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