Reader Mail: Brett is Upset
“Brett” writes in from an email account with a different name:
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to: douchebag1
subject: Delete please!!!!
Hi,
My name is Brett —– from Gadsden, Al. I’m emailing you from my friends gmail account. There are pictures and an article about me on your webpage.
I would like for you to remove them please! Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you could tell me who submitted the information or give me the email address that did it! Thank you!
Brett —-
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The email address that did it? Who really does anything? Can any of our actions really be construed as choice in this chaotic netherworld of worldly nethers we call the underwear trapeze of life?
I believe it was Ionesco who first posited the notion of the meaningless circuity of life itself impacting any claims to defining the lived experience via the accumulation of knowledge. And by Ionesco, I mean Tommy Lee’s self-aware peen. Which ain’t got nothin’ on what Berle was packin’.
This PuertoRican beach pear is to die for….I know #3 on the right is sublime, but Im gonna pick door number 1 on the far left, green bikini,,,,its more G BLess level.
These women could solve World Peace and end hunger with this kind of universally high quality pear.
Tks for re-posting that pic Db1.
ps – (we all know Dark Sock had his way with the horse)
Actually, Forrest Tucker – aka Sargent O’Rourke from F-Troop fame – was known to have a bigger pecker than Berle. Although Berle was more likely to show-off. Uncle Milty was known to take it out and say, “See how purple it gets when I squeeze it?!?” Tucker was a lot more low key. There’s a legendary story about Berle and Tucker at the Friars Club, with Totie Fields officiating and Angie Dickenson hands-on judging.
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Also, Brett’s a douche.
Somebody once said they saw Milton Berle in the sauna and his schlong was so huge they thought he was sitting with his son.
Brett are you the guy who likes to fuck balloons from that video by any chance? The name “Brett” = Autodouche
You know speaking of the name Brett, the company I work for hired a district manager and his name was Brett too and I instantly knew he was douche from the moment I saw him noticed he was wearing tasseled loafers! Tasseled fucking loafers I says!!
Far left, green bikini pera is a joyous sight to behold on this lovely day. Thanks boss for posting again.
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@Brett,
The email address that did it? here it is jagoff@urfriendssuck.com
Still having trouble getting past that Avril Lavigne thing.
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Well, this should be interesting. How many Bretts can there be in Gasbag, Alabama?
I would greatly enjoy a 3 hour long make out session with green bikinis mud whistle.
When DSock sees this I can only imagine the emotional & physical confusion that he’ll have to grapple with. The pear or the horse?
http://www.bustedmugshots.com/alabama/gadsden/brett-tyler-thompson/58259751
This site has articles? Brett, what a horse’s ass.
There has never been a Bret, Brett, or any other affectition of the name who was not a douche. Fuck of Brett!
Bret Michaels – douche
Bret Ellis Easton – douche
Brett Favre – douche
Nice work FredN. Its confirmed, Brett is a ‘bama mullet douche.
Here’s a lesson for you kids out there. If your picture appears on this site, your one and only option is to beg for forgiveness for your douchey ways and seek penance. Requesting to have the pic taken down and seeking out those that outed you only reinforces that you think there is nothing wrong with your douchey ways.
testing. one, two, three.
^ Sorry ’bout that but I wasn’t able to get anything to post in “The Critique of Pure Reason” thread.
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“Aw shit man, now my mom knows I’m a douche. Now my dad knows I’m a douche. Now my ‘bros knows I’m a douche AND my parole officer knows I’m a douche. Oh wait, he already knew that.”
@ Bret
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Lemme break your pansie-assed email to DB1 down so that others may benefit from it:
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“Hi,
My name is Brett —– from Gadsden, Al. ”
Translation: Hi, I suck at life. The abortion my mom should’ve had as a teenage crackwhore didn’t quite take so I’m gonna waste some of your oxygen right now.
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“I’m emailing you from my friends gmail account.”
Translation. I”m a HUGE fucking pussy and I need somewhere to hide in case you haven’t realized already that I have no real friends.
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“There are pictures and an article about me on your webpage. I would like for you to remove them please! ”
Translation: YAHOOOOOO! SOMEONE NOTICED ME!!!! However, my pathetic attempts at existence are failing miserably and causing embarrassment to my family and all my ‘bros at Jiffy Lube. Now they won’t stop making fun of me and my bruised little ego can’t take it anymore.
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“Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you could tell me who submitted the information or give me the email address that did it! Thank you!”
Translation: I need to maintain some form of masculinity by making the emptiest of threats possible via the interwebz. “You should have seen the Facebook war I had with Dennis from JL (that’s what we call Jiffy Lube so outsiders won’t know what we’re talking about). I really got his punk ass in trouble with the districtmanager. Showed him!”
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So in conclusion Brett, while we love you for the hilarity you bring to our day, just go fuck off. Thanks!
Doc Bunsen nails it!! Do I hear a follow up mi mi mi meep from Beaker?
@ Capt. JTD
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I was just translating for Beaker. It seems as though someone pissed in his Wheaties this morning. He’s a mouthy little motherfuccker when he gets going.
I’d fondle the horses nut sacks for a chance to drool awkwardly in the general direction of the Puerto Rican beach pear.
Great stuff Doc B. Except for the Jiffy Lube part. People in the service industry hate uppity pricks such as yourself (good for you, you don’t have to do manual labor. These jobs still need to be done by someone though.)and we can smell you comin’ a mile away. And that’s why we spit in your food. Other than that, nice take down.
3 pears with 2 horse’s asses. DarkSock shouldn’t have a problem here. Long day at the beach.
@ This just in
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Thanks! I do enjoy the extra flavor and all (I worked in the service industry all through highs school AND college so I know these jobs need to be done) but but that’s why I got an education so I wouldn’t have to do it any longer.
Bama sucks, War Damn Eagle!!!
I can understand why women might want their photos removed from this site because they don’t want to be forever associated with the douchebag with whom they allowed themselves to be photographed. But when a man asked to be removed I have to wonder, I mean, he was photographed with a hot chick (hence the name of this site) and the resulting photograph is all over the internet – what’s so bad about that?
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Captain @6:43 = totally right about the tassel loafers.
” Okay Okay I did it”
-Email Address
I imagine most of us have worked a service industry level job at one point or another. Sadly, it’s guys like Brett, who wasted their opportunities and simply don’t have the capability of doing even that job reasonably well, that make companies like Jiffy Lube and the jobs they offer the butt of so many jokes. But not to worry. Once Jeff gets his Dell back from the pawn shop he’s going to load the latest version of “Spin Da-D” and his career as a DJ is going to take off yo! Then we’ll see who has the last laugh.
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And by last laugh I mean “I’ll take careers that really aren’t careers and will result in rapidly deteriorating douchebags paying off their tattoo bills with tip money they steal from other waiters’s tables for $100, Alex.”
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Please don’t spit in my food.
@Mr. Scrotato Head, don’t call a vacation a walkabout and we won’t. There’s way more of us than there are of you, so sleep tight on that and keep your prickery to minimum when dealing with the help.
Indeed, an excellent takedown by Doc, but one correction is needed. Brett doesn’t work at Jiffy Lube…he works at Biffy Lube, and the job involves lubing arse not cars. The pneumatic lift is used in a way not endorsed by the manufacturer and a grease job is exactly what you think it is.
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This Avril Lavigne thing is *still* bothering me.
Uncle Milty is on the far right.
I hate tassel loafers.
Because i like playing devils advocate
Bret Mckenzie- notta
because anyone part of the Wellinigon Ukulele Orchestra canoot be a douche
Something tells me Brett Somers will be emailing another takedown request from another friend’s account soon enough, for it appears he didn’t exactly identify himself.
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And that deconstruction (8:20 a.m.) of this message is spot-on, Doc Bunsen!
Hmm, I just got an e-mail advertising round trip flights from Detroit to Puerto Rico for a very low price. I think this picture may cause me to buy one. I wonder if DB1 is secretly working for the Puerto Rican tourism industry.
I would enjoy sodomizing those three pears in turn each on all fours.