Saturday, August 18, 2012

Star-Shouldered Sneech Evinces Disturbing New 2012 'Bag Trend

Wedge-Vertabrae Vin sported a scapula star on the site Thursday. Now the Sneech sports stereo scapula stars.

One more be-spangled ‘bag and it’s a trend.  Not good.  But better than the dreaded Shaved Groin Reveal Plague of 2011.

Salvageable Sara beckons hope with corseted compressed cow cones.  So there’s that.

Speaking of nobody at home…I will be out in the Gulf deep sea fishing most of today…wish me luck.  Perhaps the regulars could have a “what’s the worst that could happen” contest in the comments thread.

# posted by Bagnonymous
7:12 am August, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

Nothing to see here, moving on.

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Hey DSock here’s hoping you catch some Red Snapper, Mmmm… Red Snapper

7:15 am August, 18 shawk said...

Hook in eye.

7:16 am August, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Zooming ahead of a wake of Ambien packages and semi-floating bottles of micro-brew and whiskey, Dark

Sock takes out his expolding harpoon gun and mistakenly hits a tanker of crude which he thought to be a marlin. Son.

7:21 am August, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Cow cones… Sara has some nice ones. Too bad about the Barry Manilow face.

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Hopefully sock will be back soon to give The Dude some pear. What’s the worst that can happen? Dolphin rape?

7:40 am August, 18 Sally said...

She looks like Boy George with tits. So, she looks like Boy George. What’s the worse that could happen? Dark Sock could get lost at sea and then this site would lose the majority of its appeal. So I guess me having to go to The Chive for shits and giggles is the worst that could happen.

7:41 am August, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Horny dolphins warming up for their date with DarkSock:

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What’ the worst that can happen though? It’s not like he can get pregnant and give birth to half dolphin monster baby?

7:42 am August, 18 The Dude said...

Sara misspelled “Savage” on her shirt. RAWR!

7:45 am August, 18 The Dude said...

I’ve considered going with a two-layered moob harness, but I think i’ll go for a nice run up Sarah’s misspelled hills instead.

7:49 am August, 18 Sally said...

What’s the worse that could happen? DarkSock will pee in a seahorse. Get arrested by the Coast Guard, get thrown in a cell with none other than Donkey Douche and then you lazy fucks would have to search the internet for ass pics on your own.

7:51 am August, 18 Dickie Fingers said...

I feel confident that this guy can become a three star douche.

Darksock be careful what you pee in out there. Maritime law can get a little sticky.

7:52 am August, 18 Dickie Fingers said...

Damn Sally, how did you get that peeing reference in before my comment showed up?

7:54 am August, 18 Sally said...

@Dickie, I guess you might refer to me as differently gifted.

7:56 am August, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I thought it said sausage.

7:57 am August, 18 CB Popped said...

Lots of worst cases already to shudder at…..

Dark Sock has some maritime mishap that was unforseen because he was still fantasizing about Pear onslaughts…abondons ship to be dramatically rescued by the only boat close by – yes –

A boat full of Douchebags, Bleeths and John Largeman at the helm.

Its a 2 – 3 hour ordeal to get Sea Tow /Coast Guard to retrieve his boat, and he spends the time drinking out of red cups, surrounded by pure evil.

8:11 am August, 18 Troy Tempest said...

The worst that could happen? Sock gets hammered and bored and rather than fish with line and hook he tosses dynamite into the deep blue and then scoops up the results. After a few hours of this, the coast guard shows up, and finds the other case of dynamite and arrests him as a domestic terrist. They throw a bag over his head, kick him in the gut, and toss him in the back of a van where he is whisked off to the nearest airbase where he is dumped in the back of an old 707 flown by Air America (a subsidiary of the CIA) and is tortured day in day out and questioned about his friendship with some nitwit named Al. Al Kayda. Under massive duress Sock admits that he once peed in a horse. This enrages his captors and they drag him to an open door of the plane and say “GIVE US AL! GIVE HIM UP OR WE TOSS YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THE PLANE!!!” and at that point, after having been awake for three days and beaten constantly, Sock surrenders and says “Plinky. Find Plinky, and you’ll find his mom. His mom runs the whole stinkin outfit. Get Plinky’s mom and you get Al.” At that, the interrogator drops Sock to the floor, and shouts “You heard the man – GET PLINKY!”

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The jet does a tight swerve to the left and heads back across the arctic ocean towards the USA. The interrogator looks down on Sock and says “OK, motherfucker. You better not be lyin’. cuz we’ll come and getcha again. Now we don’t want no bullshit fro myou so have some of this, and good night.”

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At that moment, Sock felt a pin prick in his neck. For a moment the world spun into a whirling haze – memories flashed before him – bewbies, pear, lots of pear, the Donkster, disgruntled horses, pear, Halo Angel, Francine, spinning spinning, pear, bewbies… pear… and then blackness…

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He awoke on the floor of a jail cell in Mobile, Alabama. He was exhausted. He pulled himself up and looked around. He was in a drunk tank. On one bunk was a fellow covered in puke, completely passed out, possibly dead. Behind him, a deep, if completely drunken, voice intoned:

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“Oh look who woked up. If it isn’t sleepy fuckin beauty.”

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Sock turned around and there was this fat african american with blood on his shirt. “How long have I been lying there?”

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“Ever since I got here motherfucker, and that was 12 hours ago.”

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“What’s today?”

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“Thursday”.

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“No, I mean the date.”

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“Fuck if I know. September 15th? Something like that.”

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Sock knew he had a lot of ‘splainin’ to do…

8:16 am August, 18 Sally said...

His boat could capsize while trying to haul Plinky’s Mom back to shore after he Moby Dicked her ass.

8:18 am August, 18 Sally said...

He could get trapped out at sea with his first cousin. And then thinking they were lost for good have sex with said cousin. But then they would be rescued.

8:40 am August, 18 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Sock: I would bring Sara along. If your boat capsizes you can float to shore on her inflatable jugs. Good luck fishing / drinking.

8:50 am August, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This is pretty bad.

.

9:05 am August, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@rev, cleanse your palette with this:

9:25 am August, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her shirt should read, “Sewage.”

10:28 am August, 18 hermit said...

After months of bad luck, Darksock sails out alone into the briney abyss. Alone with his thoughts, he’s contemplating his life and taking stock of his modest achievements, when a large fish hits his line. He struggles day and night to bring the huge beast on board, gaining respect for his quarry, and asking its forgiveness. After an epic forty-eight hour battle he finally brings the enormous fish beside the tiny boat. But, alas, as he’s bringing his prize home, it’s ravaged by hungry sharks and he sails into port with the skeletal remains of a once -great marlin, dejected and defeated…………

.

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Never mind. This one’s been done before.

10:40 am August, 18 Sally said...

He get shipwrecked on island an all with him are a badmitten set complete with shuttlecock, a catcher’s mask, high speed internet access and an ounce of doob. So actually he’s pretty set when you think about it.

10:41 am August, 18 Sally said...

*all he has with him

11:43 am August, 18 Baron Von Goolo said...

What’s the worst that could happen?

Darksock spots a mermaid, decides to “release the kraken,” and it turns out she’s half candiru.

12:24 pm August, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

A Hemingway reference, Nice Hermit.

12:30 pm August, 18 Douchble Helix said...

LOL BVG!!

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What’s the worst? Isn’t DS the guy that pees in horses? How THE FUCK can we possibly imagine What’s The Worst That Can Happen?

12:31 pm August, 18 Douchble Helix said...

Upon further review…

.

He peed in a horse once.

1:04 pm August, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

What’s the worst that could happen? DarkSock passes out at the helm, from drinking too much warm Dixie®, snorting Ambien® and sun stroke. He gets whisked into the Gulf Stream and drifts lazily for a day or so before he washes up on some beach in remote location in Southeastern Mexico.

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At this point he’s rescued by some lovely local latinas who nourish him and nurse him back to good health. It’s at this point he begins to understand the lure of the sun baked Latina hott in all there majestic, half naked glory. He decides to wait around for a few weeks while his vessel is repaired by the aged, local pescadors. The pace of life is easy, as easy as the women are on his still bloodshot eyes. With no whisky to slake his thirst he learns about and enjoys the wonders of Tequila especially the blue agave extra Añejo. It’s at this point, whilst lying on a hammock under a shaded portion of the beach being hand fed locally sourced fresh fruit, he decides “why go back?, this IS the life for me”.

.

He heads into town utilizing local transportation, riding side saddle on a burro and then it hits him while the burro looks somewhat like a horse the urge to micturate has vanished and he likes it. When he gets to town, the decision already made, he calls back to Biloxi and lets the firm know he won’t be coming back and that they can keep his T-squares and his all his CAD drawings. He calls his band mates and tells them they might as well start looking for a new bass player or is it organist? doesn’t really matter. The final call is to his young Socks telling them he loves them very much and they are more then welcome to visit as often as they want once he completes the construction of his thatched roof casita which will face the ocean and have plenty of apertures to allow for cooling ocean breezes.

.

Now while this is all great for DSock and I approve of his lifestyle change a selfish part of me hopes they a least have some interwebz in his new location for the slim chance that he might get bored or too hammered on above mentioned tequila and decide that it’s only right that he shares some if not all of the local pear shots of all the lovely local hotts that and I hope he bequeaths me his bad ass speakers.

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Good luck DSock.

1:17 pm August, 18 I R A Darth Aggie said...

She’s hott.

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He’s nott.

1:39 pm August, 18 Douchble Helix said...

Great job, Et Tu.

1:43 pm August, 18 Douchble Helix said...

Here’s the worst:

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Encounters a wormhole or other reincarnate device.

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Comes back as a horse.

1:44 pm August, 18 Douchble Helix said...

I wonder if DS peed in this Streisand look-alike’s horseface?

2:19 pm August, 18 Sally said...

Awesome job Et Tu, once DarkSock abandons his family for an island filled with maids we can probably expect to see his daughters dating douchebags. Circle of life es muy bonita, no?

2:20 pm August, 18 Evilmoose said...

Love how the heifer has a Playboy bunny necklace. Not fooling anyone. Whats with the stubble on his chest?

3:02 pm August, 18 Sally said...

Not true Evilmoose, that Miss Blanduary 2010.

4:00 pm August, 18 Anonymous said...

‘Salvageable Sara’ ? She’s wearing a Playboy necklace fer Christ’s sake! Jesus, if that weren’t enough (and it is) take a look at her hair. It’s what I strongly suspect Nancy “Hambeast” Dreuche’s hair looks like. Worn that way just to remind daddio of his heyday back in the day.

5:19 pm August, 18 Wheezer said...

I like Troy’s and Et Tu’s stories best, I think, though here’s a pic that sort of goes with Et Tu’s ditty:

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http://www.ovejanegra.com.pe/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/3.jpg

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The only thing I would doubt is the horse idea from Et Tu’s vision. You can’t blame me much for that, right?

5:38 pm August, 18 Douchble Helix said...

As Col. Sherman T. Potter once opined of the classic “My Darling Clementine”, “It has everything a great movie needs: Horse, cowboys, and horses!”

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With only slight mods, that’s how DS would describe Wheezer’s pic.

5:50 pm August, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Et Tu does a great job. Substitute “Richard Simmons Fan Club” for “Lovely Latinas” and “Constant Anal Rape” for “Nourish and Nurse.” That’s a gig.

5:51 pm August, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

Kudo’s to The Right Honorable Rev Chad for posting that link. Latina hott on the left in the pic is right in my wheelhouse I loves me latina hott as much as The Rev loves Mulatto’s & hydro.

5:53 pm August, 18 CB Popped said...

So many great band names,,,Blanduary, Briney Abyss, Salvageable Sally,,,Apertures, Fat African American Featuring “With blood on his shirt, (FAA) etc.”

6:02 pm August, 18 Wheezer said...

I find it disturbing that Sneech is seen here…..and wearing the reddish bikini top he snatched from Sara’s 12-year-old sister’s panties drawer.

6:13 pm August, 18 DarkSock said...

Caught me a shark. And got sunburnt. Sun.
Yarrrr
yea bwee

6:33 pm August, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Wheezer’s link deserves a Nobel prize for outstanding work in the realm of beach pear.

7:22 pm August, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

^ I meant Wheezer and I agree with Dude McCrudeshoes assessment.

8:48 pm August, 18 Rev Chad really fucking drunk but more stoned said...

Yellow Fin TunaZ?!

12:51 am August, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

http://cheezburger.com/6511034880

5:07 pm August, 19 Sir Douche said...

Oh my goodness!

8:35 pm August, 23 Anonymous said...

That isn’t the scapula….the scapula is the shoulder blade and can only be seen from the back…this is a shoulder, deltoid, or maybe clavicle star.

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