Thursday, August 9, 2012

Superspeedo

Look! At an overpriced Vegas event!

It’s a ‘bag!

It’s a douche!

It’s… Superspeedo!

Yeah, got nuthin’. I need a coffee.

# posted by douchebag1
9:35 am August, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Giovanni Ribisi in the very far off-broadway softcore porn Superman musical.

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There must be some kryptonite in those bushes, because his little man of steel looks more like a toothpick and a coule of olives.

10:26 am August, 9 Carpe douchem said...

it’s lars ulrich

11:01 am August, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Crickets….

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Hey, Boss, while I’m the only one here, can we put CK in the HOH based on my quorum of one? It’s totally democratic that way.

11:13 am August, 9 Capt. James T. Douche said...

This is Jor-El’s illegitimate bastard son Jerk-El he fathered while on a drunken bender in the red light district of Argo city that never got mentioned. His powers are however different from his half brother Kal-El after being exposed to the yellow rays of Earths sun. He can consume entire buffets with a single gulp, his farts can wipe out entire cities and/or weld metal when lit, his super-sonic snores can wake the entire block, he can make criminals wretch with a single jiggle of his mighty beer belly he is the sworn protector of strippers and skanks everywhere, he fights for his massive girth, justice as long as its after 1pm (thats when he usually wakes up) and the douchebag way.

11:15 am August, 9 FredN. said...

Why the F was CK *not* voted into HOH?

I vote yes. That’s 2 out of 3 people on this site right now.

Supermajority bitches.

11:19 am August, 9 skrag2112 said...

Faster than a speeding bullet.

And by that I mean he’s done in 20 seconds.

11:25 am August, 9 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Pool Boy indeed.

11:30 am August, 9 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He found that speedo in the filter this morning when he cleaned it out.

11:36 am August, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Olympic Math:

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There are about 10,000 athletes living in the Olympic Village. 10,000 of the world’s fittest bodies; young people at the high point of their lives; and slightly carnival atmosphere are going to lead to a little bit of sex. But how much?

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The London organizers like to be prepared (in every sense of the word), and expect to hand out 150,000 free condoms. Is this ridiculous number? Apparently not. Sidney organizers went through 70,000 in just the first week, while Vancouver organizers said their 100,000 did not last the whole fortnight.

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So 150,000 seems a reasonable number. If you ever thought you had the makings of a world class athlete, but neglected your training, here is what you missed out on: 150,000 condoms for 10,000 Olympians works out to 150 per athlete. But wait… presumably athletes are not using them for ‘singles sports’. No, this is usually a doubles, or even triples, event. Just sticking with couples (no reason to get all kinky), this means every athlete is expected to get busy 300 times over the 2 week period. That’s over 21 times each day; or roughly once an hour if they restrict themselves to just 3 hours of sleep.

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Consider for the most part that people have just met, and you have to condense small talk, flirting, petting, foreplay, and monkey sex into each one hour block. Each athlete is engaging in a CONSTANT, ahem, marathon, of sexual escapades. Kinda makes you want to pick up a ping pong paddle on your way home, doesn’t it?

11:37 am August, 9 Wheezer said...

He’s hung like an infant sparrow.

11:57 am August, 9 Troy Tempest said...

CK didn’t make HOH because she’s a miserable cunt.

12:06 pm August, 9 Anonymous said...

^stoopid puppet

12:07 pm August, 9 FredN. said...

…and the percentage of current HOH inductees that are *not* miserable cunts is…?

12:19 pm August, 9 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

2.85%. And her name is Francine. That is all.

12:49 pm August, 9 Vincenzio said...

@McCrudeshoes, apparently the HOH has higher standards…..now. Good luck girls, you’re gonna have to have the body of Jessica Rabbit, the face of Helen of Troy, the mind of Steven Hawking and the cutting wit of John Hodgman to get in now. Freshies must be acquired elsewhere I ‘spose.

1:19 pm August, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Arielle, Rachel and Quartasian Mia Sara are the only true HOH inductees. Maybe others but I’m too lazy to look any further.

4:55 pm August, 9 Vincenzio said...

Mr. McCrudeshoes, please crunch the numbers for the Special Olympics. Me and the rest of the cool kids wanna know. Also do you think its too late to pose as a Mathlete and wonder into the Olympic Village for some sloppy twenty seconds?

8:03 pm August, 9 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

What Troy said….I was there for the debate.

8:57 pm August, 9 Sofa King said...

Speedoboy is lifting his leg because he is in the process of delivering a large gaseous bubble; the dreaded salsa and black bean air biscuit.

9:26 pm August, 9 Tattsian Groinshavia said...

Unfortunately in Australia the politicians want in on the act…

http://buttonpushingmonkey.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/tony-budgies.jpg

10:54 pm August, 9 ehcuodouche said...

DB1 you just HAVE to stop posting the traumatic ones so early in the morning.

7:17 am August, 10 FredN. said...

Chris in Bag:

I remember the debate, too, but still don’t know why she’s not HOH. Hypocrites abound.

12:17 pm August, 10 Troy Tempest said...

re: CK for HOH – it’s really simple people – it’s not that hard to understand.

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It’s like the old adage – no matter how hot she is, somebody somewhere is totally sick of her bullshit.

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Is CK smokin hott? Yes. Is she a miserable cunt? Yes. Did she blunder her way in here and spew a bunch of semi-literate crap all over the place? Yes she did.

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Therefore, we are sick of her bullshit. No HOH for CK. She doesn’t deserve to be in the same company as Halo Angel.

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And as far as Francine goes, I don’t have that much problem with her in HOH. She doesn’t look like the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she does look to be a decent sort in a kind of boring suburban way.

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