Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Ballad of Mack the Nozzle

Like all great douchechoads, the Ballad of Mack The Nozzle tells a dark, sordid tale of a once preening nitgargle who stood on top of the club world, only to sink into a pit of second rate hotties as the years wore down his spirit and his credit rating.

And so we witness the descent. From the peak purity of Francine, to the initial descent to quality but slightly skeezy suckle hotts, and to our present condition, peddling pandas for blow.

Tragic.

But not as tragic as those idiotic face tatts.

And yes, when I get off my lazy ass, The Mack is destined for enshrinement in our hallowed Hall of Scrote.

# posted by douchebag1
12:56 pm August, 21 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Chief Runs with Scissors is not amused. It’s exactly this type of douchebag that burdened his ancestors with multimillion dollar casino empires, when they were happy to sit around all day smoking and drinking fire water.

.

Super young Pamela Anderson hott looks super young and hott.

12:57 pm August, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her tits are on a different level. Literally.

12:58 pm August, 21 Jasper said...

Change that Scrote to a Pear and you’ve got my vote.

1:11 pm August, 21 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Jasper, why would Mack the Nozzle or anyone in this pic be good for the hall of pear? I get it, you are a schtick performer… kinda like Yakov Smirnoff but more annoying because he has the good grace not to be here. At least iron out your schtick so that there is some coherence.

1:11 pm August, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The Nozzle’s nozzle socket looks to be showing the signs of meth infatuation. And by infatuation I mean blowing guys named Sancho for a sliver of shit-brown crystal.

.

Warms my heart is does.

1:12 pm August, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

As a member of the Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-eaters, I find Mack’s behavior warrants execution by anal rocketry for his attempt at panda pimping. OK, not really but I do think that “SEX” necklace should be used to garote his smelly ass.

1:15 pm August, 21 DarkSock said...

I guess you can make a living selling dime bags.

1:18 pm August, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

And who knew Papa Smurf’s spunk would stain like that? Given the impressive volume smurfed all over Mack’s eye socket by that old, tiny pened Smurf, I guess I can’t blame the Nozzle for displaying the results of his oral prowess with such pride.

1:19 pm August, 21 Dickie Fingers said...

Its like she had her boob job done on the stairs.

1:29 pm August, 21 Duck Duck Douche said...

The Nozzle is self-evident douche, but what the fucc is that purple thing in the upper left sitting next to the designated driver? Is that even human? Looks like it escaped from some alien carnival.

1:41 pm August, 21 Vin Douchal said...

The Ballad of Mack The Nozzle would have a chorus that included some if not all of the following:

.

Imbecile

Infantile

Cretin

Half-wit

Idiot

Eyesore

Crap and

Gross

1:48 pm August, 21 UFO Destroyers said...

Her plastic surgeon was a big fan of Picasso’s cubist period.

1:52 pm August, 21 Vin Douchal said...

Tito in back is acting on his armpit fetish

1:56 pm August, 21 Wheezer said...

What are you guys talking about? Shannen Doherty says her boobs are level.

2:01 pm August, 21 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Wow, I don’t remember the last time I saw someone that screwed up. The eyes, the extreme grin, and other weird bodily things going on.

…Then I saw her date.

2:08 pm August, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

After years of substance abuse and constant dancing to hide her disfigurements, Blondie can no longer hide her developing Elephantism. She is an animal.

5:13 pm August, 21 Douche and Don'ts said...

Fact: Day-glo tic-tac-toe dresses trigger the pit-musk dopamine receptors in the brain. In the primitive choad brain.

5:27 pm August, 21 Douche and Don'ts said...

After finding–finally!–the perfect blonde wig, Perry Farrell is at last comfortable embracing his feminine side, in public. With the Nozz at his/her side.

5:46 pm August, 21 Guid is Good said...

The highs and lows of DIY boob jobs.

7:17 pm August, 21 The Dude said...

Mack was originally Death Tongue, yes?

7:42 pm August, 21 Stephanie said...

He’d better keep selling dime bags,because he’s among the unemployable. He might also have to work those bathroom hole in the walls too. After all,his name is nozzle.

7:55 pm August, 21 This just in... said...

Avril Livine and that Nickelback douche are getting married. Maybe someone should save her?

9:08 pm August, 21 Troy Tempest said...

Mack the Nozzle

.

See the douche how lame his hands are

As he fondles up his prey

And Mack he’s just a slime mould

Who can’t think straight for a day.

.

See the bleeth how fake her boobs are

As they wobble on her chest

And a douche jerks off his cock cuz

He thinks her boobs are best.

.

And cult of being famous

Has infected society

But the truth is no one cares and

its a low priority.

.

So we’re stuck here with a problem

Culture died on the TV.

Entertainment has no value

When culture becomes economy.

.

So we reach our happy ending.

Douche and bleeth now can embrace.

Once the cash is not a problem,

Happy endings can take place.

.

Disagreements over spoils are

Always worked out in the end.

‘Cause the rich who hold the reins know

How to win back what they spend.

.

Some in light and some in darkness,

That’s the kind of world we mean.

Those you see are in the daylight.

Those in darkness don’t get seen.

6:04 am August, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad

.

WTF?????????

.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/4499445/Avril-Lavigne-to-wed-Nickelback-rocker-Chad-Kroeger.html

6:25 am August, 22 CB Popped said...

Guess that “X-Games/BMX” career choice is finally paying off.

Things change when you turn 26 son.

6:41 am August, 22 Duck Duck Douche said...

Troy for Comment of the Week. No contest.

.

And I agree…Rev. Chad…Avril Lavigne? Seriously? I knew you were getting desperate but Avril Lavigne??

7:04 pm August, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

I think her trip top Bangkok for discount cosmetic surgery ran into a jam when she grossly miscalculated the exchange rate, and only once on the table did she realize she just had enough cash to have one boob done. So she left with one original and one with after market parts, and is plagued by this gross imbalance ever after.

9:44 pm August, 22 Little Willie said...

The Sham Wow guy is hitting the skids. The air head blonde isn’t all that bad, fuckable as long as she ain’t packing a wiener.

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