Friday, August 10, 2012

The DB1 Tries Out for the Olympics

Here’s a little known fact about my past, before I started mocking douchebags for a living. I was once an ambitious Olympic hurdler. Here’s a video of my last career race, which, unfortunately for all involved, did not end so well.

I am also a short Chinese man. At least for the purposes of this joke.

Carry on, my wayward son.

# posted by douchebag1
9:26 am August, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Gotta love the way you cross the finish line and start looking around with the “Got a problem, Bitch?” deal

9:34 am August, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Actually, this only looks like hurdles. It’s a new Olympic event, specifically invented by the Chinese, called “Super Lucky Firedrill Race to Increase Your Wellness!” Look for China to dominate in 2016 just like they do for beer pong or anything having to do with multiple people being in complete synchronization with each other.

9:44 am August, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I have to admit, I always root for the Chinese. When a Chinese athletes wins gold, they are set for life just like they won the lotto. They are going to be cruising around Beijing in a red Ferrari with a couple of porn stars, doin’ lines off the forehead of a solid gold bust of Mao, and kite boarding through the forbidden city while lighting firecrackers. I can’t ever have that, but I’m not too selfish to want it for someone else. On the other hand, non-medalists are sent to the dogfood factory to be ground up and mixed with heavy metals and toxic melamine. Olympic fact.

9:55 am August, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Usain Bolt called to say he has no respect for you. You’re just looking for attention because nobody talks about you. He has no respect for you, none what so ever.

.

He would, however, be willing to sell you some killer weed. If you’re interested meet him by the red phone booth outside that one pub with the wooden sign hanging over the door. You know, the one with the rowdy soccer fans and fuzzy tv behind the bar.

9:57 am August, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Roger Kingdom would be proud, Renaldo “Skeets” Nehemiah not so much. That was awesome by the way I’d pay to see that dude run again.

10:18 am August, 10 DarkSock said...

Well, you did better than that tool in the blue.

10:19 am August, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Is it wrong that I want to dress up in lederhosen like a giant german babyman and go to Disneyland to stalk this lady??

.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7094/7254162596_3b55a6cd49_k.jpg

11:00 am August, 10 Douche Wayne said...

Dude @ 9:44

“Kite boarding through the forbidden city while lighting firecrackers” FTW. Please work that into next week’s haiku.

11:33 am August, 10 Vincenzio said...

Hurdle boy.

6:21 pm August, 10 Stephanie said...

You won the orange medal!

8:04 am August, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Jews aren’t good athletes. Everybody knows that.

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That “lady” at Disneyland looks like Lindsay Lohan.

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Otherwise, great comments all around, especially the misdirection on Bolt selling ganja, mon!

8:07 am August, 12 Douchble Helix said...

HBere’s a comment left on YouTube, by Mr. Bubble, I believe:

.

“Let’s just give up on athleticism and do monster trucks and demolition derbies. The Greeks would have wanted it that way.”

2:43 pm August, 13 Prince Ahmed Al FaDuche said...

Michelle Jenneke not impressed !!

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