Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Breaking: HCwDB Celebrity Culture Stains Marissa Miller and Some Leechy Goober About to Spawn

First the Snooki baby, and now this.

Thankfully, ABC News was all over the breaking story of Marissa Miller tweeting a pic of herself swimming underwater:

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Former Victoria’s Secret Angel Marisa Miller revealed her baby bump to her Twitter followers on Tuesday while celebrating her 34th birthday.

The former model, who is expecting a baby with her husband music producer Griffin Guess, shared an image snapped of her in a bikini while swimming underwater.

“Thanks so much for all the sweet birthday wishes! Love you all! I had the best day and spent most of it under water…,” she wrote.

Miller is entering the third trimester if her pregnancy. On August 2 she tweeted an image of herself, writing, and “This was a month ago at 17 weeks. My belly seems to have doubled since! Had to paddleboard to get to this cave.’

Miller joins model Bar Refaeli and reality TV star Kim Kardashian in what seems to be a new trend of women tweeting images and video of themselves underwater.

Israeli model Refaeli tweeted a sexy black and white video ad earlier this summer of her swimming in a pool for her under.me underwear line. In early August, Kardashian tweeted a photo taken of her flaunting her curves in a two-piece. The starlet simply wrote, “Swim good” to her followers.

Miller and Guess, who wed in 2006, are expected to welcome their first child in December.

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The next-generation battles of HCwDB Mock will be epic Bruckheimerian spectacles of ridicule and boobie.

# posted by douchebag1
11:22 am September, 4 I R A Darth Aggie said...

What Ms. Miller didn’t tweet is the picture of her giving an underwater hummer.

11:25 am September, 4 DarkSock said...

Jeffrey Ross, professional asshole, said the other day that Snooki went into labor when her vodka broke. Then he said it was the first time a baby came OUT of a dumpster.

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Harsh. But effective.

12:01 pm September, 4 The Dude said...

And by effective, you mean fuccen liehairyous!!

12:01 pm September, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Yay Jeffrey Ross, he of the, “I wouldn’t Fucc her with Bea Arthur’s dick,” fame.

12:02 pm September, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

To think that there is someone waiting breathlessly for the next celebrity tweet as if it were a proof to Fermat’s last theorem instead of an electronic shart so depressing that I long for an asteroid impact and global extinction.

12:31 pm September, 4 Douche Wayne said...

Dear Ms. Kardashian,

Superman swims good. You swim well.

Wait, is that right? Where’s Grammar Nazi?

12:32 pm September, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Who? My Dad just called and told me Kelli Ripa was boning Lawrence Taylor on the tv shiznit today. What up wit dat yo?

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Giants

12:35 pm September, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

There is only one way to stomach Kelly Ripa… with the sound off, and your pants around your ankles.

12:44 pm September, 4 hermit said...

Speaking of celebrities (and by celebrities i mean i have no idea who those people are) doesn’t Prince Harry, or whatever the fuck his name is, get any run for douching it up, naked and on bath salts, in Vegas?

.

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(the bath salts thing is a stretch, but it sounded good) I’d link to an article, but I’m too lazy and apathetic.

12:55 pm September, 4 Douche Wayne said...

^ Is there some type of Royal Leniency Rule? If not, this site will get clogged with all those oil princes crashing their supercars.

1:01 pm September, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Dude in pic is Evil Bert, therefore muppet leniency rule.

1:01 pm September, 4 hermit said...

Princess Di had sixteen pounds of undigested meat in her intestines when they pried her out of that Terrorist’s Mercedes.

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Fuccckin’ paparozzi.

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.

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Or, maybe that was Elvis.

1:29 pm September, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Wait?! Princess Di had Elvis in her intestines when she was killed by the Welch Separatist mafia? How did that not make the papers sooner?

1:34 pm September, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

John Wayne had 16 pounds of semen in his intestines when he was killed by Big Tobacco, Dewars, and Vicodin.

Lady Di’s ghost is voting for Hermit to represent Red State America, and my house.

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Cockburns

1:36 pm September, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I would so do Marrisa Miller with Bea Arthur’s dick. And when Marissa was fully dilated I’d stuff the rest of Bea into her and pump until she orgasmed a cloud of gray hair and knee scabs.

1:38 pm September, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

If their baby is a boy it’ll start crowning on Monday and be delivered without complications on Thursday just seconds after the nose appears.

1:40 pm September, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

It must be awkward for them to have sex what with Jim Hansen’s corpse dangling by the arm from his ass.

1:49 pm September, 4 Stephanie said...

Why in God’s name would she have children with an alien headed guy?

2:01 pm September, 4 Wheezer said...

I knew this would bring the mock, and with a source called “The Blemish,” it’s apropos.

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It’s readily apparent that she doesn’t read anything on this site or she’d leave that douche.

2:02 pm September, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Has anyone asked Ernie what his feeling are about this?

2:08 pm September, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Back when I was single I wanted nothing more than to be an iPod. It was a simple dream that I though with my looks I might have had a shot at it. But now when I look at this pic, I realize I never had a shot. Why? Because I’m just not douchey enough. *sniff*

2:12 pm September, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

When she pops that puppy outta her pooter it’s gonna shoot straight across the room and get its head buried in the wall.

2:13 pm September, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

When she pops that puppy outta her pooter they’re gonna peel its head and make Elvis’ favorite dessert out of it.

2:26 pm September, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

This ass clown really hit the big time with her, no two ways about it! Now he’s really got his hooks into her, no doubt he was using Swiss cheese for a condom to get her knocked up to really stay in the game but it’ll all go south eventually. After this pile of smegma blows through all her panty money on tattoos and trying to jump start his record producing business she’ll be doing infomercials at 3 am for stretch-mark cream, and he’ll be working at the Hard Rock pool in Vegas hosing the jizz and puke out of the cabanas. Tragic but not surprising.

2:34 pm September, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Snooki baby for immediate entry into Hall of Scrote?

Also he’ll be the keynote speaker at their annual conference this year. http://www.nofas.org/

7:59 pm September, 4 Whoop-di-douche said...

I’d call him a jarhead, but the Marines might seek and destroy me. One might forgive an alien for looking like that, but he doesn’t have any excuse for looking like he lives half his life meditating with his head in a tight ol’pickle crock.

10:25 pm September, 4 Tits McGee said...

Whoever does their hair should be fried, I mean fired.

12:03 am September, 5 Little Willie said...

That fucker’s head is too thin and unnaturally elongated. The fucked up haircut only exaggerates the weirdness factor. He likes looking like he came from the planet Zilkneck.

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