Friday, September 7, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Clownbags + Barely Legal Hotts + iPhones – Dignity = HCwDB

Your humble salivator is doing a three day juice cleanse. Yup. I’ve gone Hollywood, baby. Gotta do something to get all the cheap Five Guys burgers, four gallons of Night Train wine, and various sundry Trader Joes cookie treats I’ve consumed over the past few months outta my system.

So I’se drinking a lot of green shite that tastes like roasted ferret turd.

Judge me if you must. But the pooper needs a break.

Wait, that didn’t sound right.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: I don’t have a quote but mmmm…. Amanda Peet.

Parents who get it.

Turns out recently boobscarred Champagne Katie has a far less Bleethed sister. We’ll call her Champagne Kelly. Unfortunately, Champagne Kelly has an equal predilection for the ‘bags.

Say Jim, that’s a boatload of hottness!

Chuck Norris, American douchebag. A thousand year apocalypse only happens if the Greico and the Bleeth have a child together, don’t you know that Chuck?

Goldblum lives the dream for all of us Hebrew school boys.

Smells like Snooki.

But you are not here for Snooki smell. You are here for Pear:

Artistic Shallow Focus Pear

Not enough? Okay, one more, because you’ve been good:

Purple Pear

Now go forth and undo all that has been wrought.

# posted by douchebag1
11:52 am September, 7 FredN. said...

No way main pic is barely-legal. She’s closer to 30, look at those eyes.

11:54 am September, 7 FredN. said...

Correction, DB1: Champagne Kelly has predilection for the gaybags.

11:55 am September, 7 Douche Wayne said...

DB1 –

Be careful, Bossman. I heard that shit almost killed Eddie Van Halen.

11:56 am September, 7 Charles Smythe-Smythe-Smythe said...

I hope I’m as trim as Goldblum when I’m 59…

12:00 pm September, 7 Wheezer said...

Being a Chicagoland native, I’d like ta make do wit…..

.

.

.

.

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DA PEARSSSSSS.

12:04 pm September, 7 Wheezer said...

Horrible Smell : Snooki by Nicole Polizzi

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Is there such a thing as “tripletalk”?

12:18 pm September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Boatload of Hottness = Masterbatory Goodness for the Weekend

12:22 pm September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Bellada Semana” means “boatload of semen” in Spanish.

12:23 pm September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

JWoww’s scent is called, “Ho’s Taint.”

12:25 pm September, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Green and red bikini on the boatload of hotness FTW.

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Is it antisemitic to think Jeff Goldblum is a creepy twatnozzle?

12:27 pm September, 7 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Did Snooki hold a jar over her fart bubbles in the tub and collect them to sell?

I fuckin’ hate Chuck Norris, I’ve hated him since like 1988. Chuck Norris couldn’t fight his way out of a toilet paper cocoon soaked in the high octane urine of techno Viking! He’s been a douche since the 70s churning out purulent, mediocre action bilge riding on the coat tails of having barely known and worked with Bruce Lee. He is vastly overrated as a martial artist and those rediculous facts are far funnier when replaced with dos Equis guy. If Bruce Lee were alive today, even on his best day Chuck Norris would be crying in a pool of blood sucking on Lee’s little Chinese nuts! His last desperate attempt to stay relevant is to peddle right wing extremism and creationist poppycock to the NASCAR demographic. Fuck him!

12:28 pm September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Rejected names for Snooki’s scent

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Queef Reef

Brown-Eye Breeze

Jersey Sore

Piss Flaps Colada

Eau de Goomada

12:29 pm September, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Snooki: check. Champagne sister 1: check. Champagne sister 2: check. New age colonic fetishism: check I guess. Just connecting the dots, son. Just connecting the dots.

12:39 pm September, 7 Charles Douchewin said...

Death by sinking on the Boatload of Hotness would be almost as good as going out like this:

12:41 pm September, 7 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Five guys is the shit literally and figuratively they’re fries are laced with crack and I’ve got pancreatitis at least twice from eating there and loved it!

12:47 pm September, 7 Finderweet said...

These are repeat pears. We can’t have that.

1:06 pm September, 7 UFO Destroyers said...

Here’s Darksock’s recent Labor Day weekend spectacular. Notice he’s not wearing his trademark hat or blackface.

1:14 pm September, 7 Troy Tempest said...

Well, the pear is repeat from not that long ago. So, here’s some free pear for you:

http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/large/34891

1:44 pm September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I like Purple Pear and that fucking boat video is funnier every time I see it.

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@Charles Douchewin

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Used to live in those parts before moving east. No frenchmen and it is very white. Pretty white here too so I had the town black dude (respect) over to watch Barry’s speech last night. And stay away from my brother Rev Chaz Kroeger, he lives there and fucks anything.

2:09 pm September, 7 Mr. Biggs said...

Wait, what? No Sifl and Olly Promo Clip? Don’t make me reach through this computer and smack you.

2:11 pm September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

@ Troy

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Do you kow hard it was to center my ass, hold up my nutsack and snap over my shoulder for that photo?

2:23 pm September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

@ All youse SoCal food fans

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Ever had the pastrami samich at The Hat?

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It’s like a hypodermic needle filled with cholesterol jabbed directly into your heart.

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And by a hypodermic needle filled with cholesterol jabbed directly into your heart I mean fuccen delicious

2:24 pm September, 7 Troy Tempest said...

@Vin –

hahahaha! Had no idea.

🙂

2:26 pm September, 7 Mr. Biggs said...

I haven’t. But it looks like the guy is afraid to venture too far from Pasadena. Meanwhile I’ve got Junior’s and Johnny’s to keep my pastrami tooth satisfied here on the westside.

2:32 pm September, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

A thousand year apocalypse only happens if the Greico and the Bleeth have a child together, don’t you know that Chuck?

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Snooki has a kid. QEeffin’D.

2:36 pm September, 7 Duck Duck Douche said...

Yeah, it’s over. The Mayans had it a couple months late.

2:45 pm September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Under Appreciated Artistry Dept:

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Music video by Danish power-pop genius, Tim Christensen, featuring dope smoking hippies running naked, kissing trees, toting/firing guns, eating ‘shrooms and dancing like lunatics around a fire with smoking Euro Blondies, Jesus complex inflicted leader and lots of nekkid boobs. Nekkid boobs , I says.

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The Damn Crystals – Far Beyond Driven

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Great tune, NSFW video

3:01 pm September, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Black Bikini hott, in front, in “boatload of hotness!” has a great set of Yibbs.

3:10 pm September, 7 Anonymous said...

Wasn’t one Snooki enough?!! Stop playing God! You’ll kill us all!

3:17 pm September, 7 Wheezer said...

“Boatload of hottness” = perfect “Where’s Waldouche?” and perfect wallpaper.

.

And URC has a very nice view of some glittery titties hovering above a holy white “triangle.”

4:03 pm September, 7 Anonymous said...

I AM NOT OVER REACTING!

4:53 pm September, 7 Jeet Kune Douche said...

DISSENTING GODDAM VOTE!!!

Chuck Norris is NAWT a DOUCHEBAG. Chuck kicks commies in the crotch so hard that their naughty bits turn into vagooters.

Chuck Norris also lands HAWT CHICKS.

If you don’t like his politics, fine. (I personally disagree with bazooka-vomiting intensity regarding his choice of prez to vote for.) But just cuz his politics are fucked doesn’t make him a d-bag.

Case in point: if ANY of the meat-munching dbags oft depicted on this site were supporting the current prez, would that absolve them of their scrotewank status and make them unmockable?

PHOCK, NO!

I motion that we restore Chuck Norris to notadouche status. All in favor say Aye.

5:08 pm September, 7 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

Hi! I’m Superstar Paul Ryan, and I’m here with Walker Texas Ranger, Dirty Harry, and the Terminator. Gina Carano was going to join us, but I began to suspect she’s not really Italian. Don’ get me wrong. I don’t care for meatballs, but it could be worse. How much worse? Caraño worse.

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You liberals and your Hollywood syndicate and news media, listen up. These are the real stars. The kind that drink beer instead of merlot and get in fist fights. So: vote for Romney and Ryan… OR Walker Texas Ranger, Dirty Hairy, and the Terminator are going to come to your house and twist your limbs off until you cry like little schoolgirl. There’s you thousand years of darkness, Hoss. Ryan out.

5:08 pm September, 7 Troy Tempest said...

OK you cum schnuzzling ferd berfles! I’m a drinkin gin and triple sec – and it’s a mean drunk. So fuck off.

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This is my testament:

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Your momma licks my fuccen butt blorch hole cleaner than a nun’s cervix.

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Too much booze. Back to bed.

5:09 pm September, 7 Anonymous said...

I AM NOT OVER REACTING, I AM YELLING. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

6:23 pm September, 7 Troy Tempest said...

Superstar Paul Ryan can suck my left nad. Because he’s that kind of a faggit.

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Homos.

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But I mean that in the best possible way, unlike Paul Ryan.

6:34 pm September, 7 Anonymous said...

Super Star Paul Ryan is the best thing to happen to this place since FLYTEETH. R.I.P FLYTEETH.

7:08 pm September, 7 Capt. James T. Douche said...

The only thousand years of darkness is the fact that Walker Texas Ranger will still probably be in syndication somewhere a thousand years from now. No wonder that kid he made that stupid ripoff of the karate kid with hanged himself!

7:51 pm September, 7 General Ripper said...

Hey HCWDB – I remember the day after Mr Obama got elected you went off on a rant against Republicans, Conservatives and Tea Party members. I also remember that you caught a lot of flak from people who wanted HCWDB to be politics-free and purely a mecca for bashing douchebags and lots of pics of hott chicks.

It’s clear you are bashing Chuck Norris not because he’s a douchebag but because he went viral against your boy Mr Obama.

Please leave the politics OUT and keep the douchebags & chicks IN.

8:36 pm September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cocksuckers didn’t eben let me defend my thesis. Fucking prick dfunkers. I’m not doin i agan fuck. Gonna grrove man, gonta grove. Sonn…

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PHFuckodFF

9:07 pm September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Thong Remains th Thame Son.

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11:11 pm September, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

Chuck Norris falls under what I like to call The James Brown Principle: you can and should still applaud his work as an entertainer once you choose to separate said work from the fact that he’s an utter dickhole.

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But the fact remains, he’s an utter dickhole.

11:11 pm September, 7 The Dude said...

@Vin, The Hat rules my world!

11:14 pm September, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

“Smells like Snooki.”

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Of course it does. Every blossoming young woman wants to smell like bleach and raw shrimp.

1:11 am September, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Green and pink bikini on the Boatload of Hotness: I would ravage her in ways that would make Ron Jeremy blush.

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Seriously, we’re talking Human Centipede meets Legend of the Overfiend shit here. Her ass would resemble a blown out tire sidewall in a puddle of mud and bloody foam, and her vagina like a kicked in pig carcass when I’m done with her. There is no word in Japanese that would appropriately describe the perversions I would submit her taut body to, and they have a word for every depraved act known.

1:12 am September, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Gross.

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Okay, no more Caprisun vodka cocktails for me. That shit is dangerous.

1:32 am September, 8 Douchble Helix said...

Pastrami sangwidge? Corky & Lenny’s in Cleveland. Case. Closed.

1:37 am September, 8 Douchble Helix said...

Remember that LSD movie they showed in school? The one where they warned you about the “flashbacks”? (It’s true, kiddies, when you least expect it, probably at your own wedding, your firstborn’s Bar Mitzvah, or your parents’ anniversary, you will have a re-trip. On the plus side, it’s free.)

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They need to make a similar flick about White Castles. I imbibed Wednesday night, it’s almost daybreak on Saturday, and that shit is still tearing me up.

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But if you think think Imma “juice”, think again.

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Tree huggers.

1:39 am September, 8 Douchble Helix said...

Tough break, Rev.

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“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” – Dean Vernon Wormer

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Don’t believe ‘im.

5:14 am September, 8 Troy Tempest said...

I have a head ache.

6:58 am September, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

I peed on my shoes last night, there was another time too but that was many years ago when I was a drunkard

7:03 am September, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ari Graynor gives me wood, there’s something naughty about her and I likes it.

7:09 am September, 8 Anonymous said...

I peed on someone else’s shoes last night. Business as usual.

9:23 am September, 8 Baron Von Goolo said...

“Human Centipede meets Legend of the Overfiend”…

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Jeebus wept, Jacques. On the personal baggage scale, I’m giving that 4 Dirty Uncles.

2:33 pm September, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I peed in a horse’s shoes once.

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