Friday, September 28, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

I just drove by three mules by the side of the road on a dusty Los Angeles street.

On one of the mules was the following link written in gaffer’s tape.

I have read that link.

And I feel enlightened.

At least enough to ignore oily eurodouche hitting on barely legal Swedish Fish.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “A putz? What’s a putz? It’s somethin’ bad, isn’t it? You better take that back or I’m gonna kick your fuzzy butt!”

World’s oldest douchebag corpse discovered! The battle has been long and complex.

Ripped abs or gay porn? Hard to tell anymore.

Bro-ing it up with URC this weekend? Use this handy kegulator.

Twenty-something Brooklyn Herpster tries to defend herpsterism on the merits. Use of “Beer Garden” as a concept = autodouche.

Fun with photoshop: Trekdouche. “Damn it Jim! I’m a scrotebag, not a choadlick!” Or something.

For the lady who has everything: Vibra-finger.

Here’s a fairly amusing parody of an Instagram Hipster Artist.

Sophia Vergara has a’spicey meatballs.

For the philosophers among us: How to explain Heidegger to Douchebags. Screw it, lets open up a restaurant in Santa Fe.

Okay, you’ve been good. Have some.

Real World Adjustment Pearo.

Not enough? Okay, one more. Because I like you:

Mellonic Pear.

Like choral harmonies from 17th Century European Indentured Servants. If 17th Century European Indentured Servants were glute chompy chomps.

# posted by douchebag1
1:02 pm September, 28 Wheezer said...

Rerun main pic, but it’s still disturbing to see how much hair dye James LaBrie is using.

1:12 pm September, 28 Wheezer said...

Is that Kristen Stewart Pear adjusting her bikini?

1:18 pm September, 28 Vin Douchal said...

The definitive on “cunt” , Tucker’s Law

1:22 pm September, 28 Vin Douchal said...
1:25 pm September, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Blast from the most excellent past: Jeff Beck Group Situation

1:41 pm September, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

The answers are:

1) Alvy Moore (Hank Kimball on Green Acres) did quite a star turn in “A Boy and His Dog;”

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2) Six-pack abs have always been gayer than a Richard Simmons butt plug;

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3) Back in the day, we didn’t need no stinkin’ keg regulators; and,

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4) That there little vibrating finger thing there has gotten many an old maid through many a lonely night…and is just the thing when you’ve got a hemorrhoid the size of a tennis ball.; and finally,

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5) In case anyone hasn’t noticed, Sophia Vergara has a great set of tits.

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.Any more questions?

3:11 pm September, 28 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Y’all dengenerate best be waking up at 8:30am tomorrow, and tapping your mini-kegs of New Castle, to watch dem Buckeyes visit Michigan State. Gonna be a slug fest. Definitely have that feeling of doom in my balls, although if Braxton Miller does his voodoo magic that he mysteriously pulls out of his cheetah legs, we just might be alright.

3:27 pm September, 28 DarkSock said...

I’d pee in adjustment pear’s butt

3:34 pm September, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Drunk off a six pack of keg beer? More like sor-ing it up, amirite? Get it?

4:09 pm September, 28 Jeet Kune Douche said...

The Pear selection was off the hook this friday – I kowtow to you, DB1.

Who is Mellonic Pear? She looks like a goddess in human form.

5:14 pm September, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

I noticed Real World Adjustment Pearo early in the day and the next thing I know I just woke up. I have never had Pear knock me out cold like that. Damn!!! that’s some fine pear.

5:18 pm September, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Sofia Vergara, Salma Hayek & Raquel Welch before them is what real world Latin goodness is all about.

10:04 pm September, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

philsophybro.com is my new second favorite website.

11:47 pm September, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Real world adjustment pearo made me masturbate my penis furiously until I shot semen all over my carpet.

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That’s not an metaphor for anything.

8:07 am September, 29 Troy Tempest said...

@JD – yeah philosophybro is actually pretty cool. He doesn’t really “get” some of the finer points of post-modernism and has no idea about object oriented ontology, but he does have a good grasp of the basics, and explains it in a funny and oddly clear way.

9:06 am September, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice pears. I wouldn’t pop Sophia Vergara, or Salma Hayek with Et Tu’s Jesus-sized coock. Fucking Vergara sounds like Arianna Huffington doing baratone shit and Hayak sounds like a cheech and Chong (respect) character Sister Kary Elephant However, I may be attracted by them if they were silent, like in the following philosphical quandery.

1. Consider firstly a remote conferous forest, the Ardennes for argument sake in an ameniable season for survival. 2. Consider malevolent henchman sent to confine said ear-destroyer and sew her mouth shut after proper consideration to set up a sterile device to feed a stomach tube and proper hydration. 3. After a month of vocal chord atrophy the said audio belligerent is unstitched and examined by a medical doctor to be mute.

4. If a week after this I attended to the miscreant mute’s feminine needs and a force feeding of raw meat, would they still be so fucking annoying? And would anyone care or hear my cackling laugh from outside the forest.

10:24 am September, 29 Elwood BluezBag said...

Sweet Jesus, Mellonic pear reminds me of a young Elle Macpherson. Hell, it reminds me of her now.

10:39 am September, 29 Anonymous said...

Version 55577.89 of Dreuche is unsurprisingly uninteresting . . .

10:46 am September, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

Maybe this* will change your mind about Salma Hayek, she doesn’t speak a word nor does she have to. Also are we on for Giants v Eagles game tomorrow? if so I go the Eagles.

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* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYxxgvA8rlM&feature=related

11:13 am September, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is in resplendent tight dirty mode in that clip and no talking she is a tempting vixen, thank you. Penelope Cruz is on my list of annoying Mexican Catholics (respect) but I can’t handle Catholics since that Tami broke my heart lo those many years ago when my huge penis flew in full renob compared to it’s lunking Cialis churning semi-renob I have now. Impressive, but not rock hard.

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I’m still in, you got Eagles. And here is a video of of Nancy Dreuche on the campaign trail,

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpAOwJvTOio&feature=player_embedded

11:27 am September, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpAOwJvTOio

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Sites weird today. ^Hot Selma no talky. Nancy Dreuche in video. I’m Giants. We on.

5:14 pm September, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The ab video is DouchePorn.

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