Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Reader Mail: Douche Wayne Tags a Blurry Aquadouche/Aquahott Combo

Douche Wayne writes in with an excellent story of a blurry Aquatag:

———

DB1 –

I must first apologize for the awful quality of this pic and I don’t blame you for not posting it. I’ve seen clearer pics of the Loch Ness Monster. Taken by Bigfoot. With the lens cap on. However, the point of this pic is not so much the visual representation of douche, but the location of the Grieco virus outbreak.

Where – The Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk, Connecticut (yes, Connecticut).

When – Pirate Day

I took my kids to visit my parents and attend Pirate Day at the aquarium. I’ve been there many times growing up and now my kids love it. As you may know I live in New Jersey, so I didn’t expect to run afoul of the Grieco virus while visiting my home state of Connecticut.

We were at the new shark and ray touch tank, I look across the water and first noticed boobies. Nice ones. Fake but tasteful, wrapped in shimmering peach-colored strapless silk.

I pegged her for late 30’s-early 40’s and hot in the face. A bit much for the aquarium I thought, but even rich CT milfs have kids who would enjoy such events. I would have swam across the seal tank prior to feeing time wearing only a codfish loincloth for the chance to pat her hands dry with my youngest child’s Huggies Pull-Ups.

I then noticed the “shiny building of a man” standing beside her, kung-fu grip around her waist, LITERALLY nibbling on her shoulder. Inappropriate, yet the bleeth had no qualms about the level of PDA or the countless youngsters bearing witness to it. Decked out in a black baseball hat (you can just make out the ghastly pattern on it in the pic) with either studs or rhinestones on it to hide the receding hairline, the ubiquitous skin-tight black Affliction T-shirt covering his overdeveloped pecs and black jeans covering his underdeveloped chicken legs.

If douchebags were trees, you could tell their age by the circumference of their biceps; he was at least 50, or a weathered 42. As bad as the pic is, you can clearly see his watch and arm tatts.

Luckily, my kids were engaged with a 5-foot nurse shark and didn’t notice the gorilla attack going on across the pool.

Most disturbing was that I wasn’t able to connect them with any children at the touch tank. Later on when leaving, I noticed them walking to the parking garage by themselves, without any children in tow. I am cautiously optimistic he had not procreated.

I guess even over-the-hill douchebags enjoy a day at the aquarium prior to a fun-filled Sunday night of fist-pumping in South Norwalk. No we know, and knowing is half the battle.

I remain,

Douche Wayne

——————–

# posted by douchebag1
11:59 am September, 18 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

DW: We’ll give you a B+ for effort. I only wish the big milf boobies were in focus.

12:10 pm September, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Even in their blurry state they still look like they’d be valedictorians in the dumbass capital of America, Riverside, CA.

.

That shit’s everywhere. At least from across the pool/parking lot you may have been out of Axe© range. So you got that going for you

12:14 pm September, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmm…….. “rich CT milfs”, I’m sorry what we were we talking about?.

12:15 pm September, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Douche Wayne could make a fortune working for TMZ.

2:04 pm September, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This looks a still from the 8mm Zapruder douchebag assassination film. Douche Wayne isn’t fooling anyone here. He’ s on the grassy knoll waiting with his bolt-action Carcano to get that “back and to the left” head shot we’re all secretly hoping that he took. I’ll bet later that evening they found DW in a dirty movie theater rubbing one out to ” Indiana Joan and the Black Hole of Mammoo” before the cops busted in and arrested him. Now we gotta collect some bail money for him.

2:14 pm September, 18 DarkSock said...

That photo is what the world looks like to Reverend Chad.

2:34 pm September, 18 Charles Douchewin said...

The Maritime Aquarium made a huge mistake by replacing their MILF touch-tank with sharks and rays.

.

Now I never visit, even if they do have pirate days.

2:49 pm September, 18 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I’m from CT (Danbury division) and even through the blurry lens can make out the taint of dyed-in-da-wool, Connecticut

River Valley choad.

.

East Bridgeport breeds these pudwacks like rabbits….although Waterbury is also known as fertile grown for their proliferation. Poor Dylan McDermott knows of which I speak.

.

.

.Middletown, however, is a fine place to discover the joys of the steamed cheeseburger.

.

.

.Just thought you’d like to know.

5:42 pm September, 18 Wheezer said...

I am cautiously optimistic he had not procreated.

.

My fear is that he left “them fuccen little brats” wit’ “Maaaaaaaah” ‘cuz “I gotta date tonight, Maaaaaaaaah! I don’t need da rugrats fuccen up my style, yo! Youse gonna make supper f’r us all, too, ain’t ya? The kids’ll help ya wit’ it – don’t worry ‘boudit!”

6:35 pm September, 18 ehcuodouche said...

That pic is blurry like the Loch Douche Monster or Douchesquatch.

7:39 pm September, 18 hermit said...

Charles, yeah f#@k Pirate Days. Oil Tanker days is far better. They flood the penguin and sea otter exhibits with used motor oil, the kids love it.

8:29 pm September, 18 Studly1 said...

“My fear is that he left “them fuccen little brats” wit’ “Maaaaaaaah” ‘cuz “I gotta date tonight, Maaaaaaaaah! I don’t need da rugrats fuccen up my style, yo! Youse gonna make supper f’r us all, too, ain’t ya? The kids’ll help ya wit’ it – don’t worry ‘boudit!””

Ahahahahaha

5:29 am September, 19 Douche Wayne said...

Thanks to all for the supportive comments! I was expecting to get whatfor about the poor quality of the photo.

Happy hunting!

6:09 am September, 20 Charles Smythe-Smythe-Smythe said...

Poor photo quality is entirely excusable due to hands shaking from the overwhelming horror of what Douche Wayne’s was witnessing when he snapped the photo.

8:21 am September, 20 SonnyChibaChoad said...

@CTDS…many nights (early 80s) of pitchers of snakebites etc. were finished with multiple Steamed Cheeseburgers @ O’Rourke’s Diner in Middletown.

@DoucheWayne…nice tag in spite of blurriness. my kids love that aquarium. hopefully steroid, Axe and hair product runoff from the douche did not affect the marine life.

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