Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Scenes from a New Jersey Kitchen

Vlad: Estrago! Is that her?

Estrago: Who?

Vlad: Godottie!

Estrago: Impossible! Is that undies poke over there?

Vlad: Focus, Estrago! We must wait until she arrives!

Estrago: (looking around) This kitchen is-

Vlad: Yes?-

Estrago: -made of plywood!

Vlad: so?

Estrago: It reminds me of one time in the Antilles when I shat on a squirrel.

Vlad: That makes no sense?

Estrago: It does thematically to the audience because it signifies the fractured nature of a nation traumatized by the war and unable to form coherency and meaning.

Vlad: What should we do?

Estrago: Perhaps if we wait a little longer, Godottie will arrive.

Vlad: But what if she doesn’t come?

Godottie: Guys, yo! I’m right here!

Vlad: Heavens! This defeats the modernist themes underlying our crisis!

Godottie: Screw that postwar expansion of narrative and start fondling my boobs!

And… scene.

# posted by douchebag1
11:53 am September, 5 Mayor McDouche said...

Listen douchebags, when you use up all the paper towels put a new roll back on!

11:55 am September, 5 Vin Douchal said...

I bet the fuccen toilet paper’s out, too, cuntrags

11:55 am September, 5 DouchYouWannaDance said...

That can of Pringles and bottle of Diet Coke is the only food in the house.

It’s a rental, shared between 30 friends because it has a pool in the backyard and a fridge large enough to hold 10 cases of beer.

11:59 am September, 5 Anonymous said...

Hot pear curve on the far left. Mmmmm. I would love to scrolly his osis.

12:06 pm September, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Labia Flexora, Russian spy, prepares to pounce with her legs flexed and put the Kavorka on the homos.

.

And I think that it is pine.

12:15 pm September, 5 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I’m thinking Maple with a natural stain.

.

And I’m guessing a certain bad dye job blond got some Russian stains on her later that night.

12:16 pm September, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

These freaks have two dishwashers.

.

In other news, is it still a boating “accident” if you intentionally gun it into a large wake and injure everyone on board??

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c3#/video/us/2012/09/05/vo-boaters-thrown-in-accident.lake-tv-mylaketv

Watch for Mr. Clean’s planking exit and try not spit coffee out your nose.

12:20 pm September, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Aryan Pocahontas has some toned thighs… and a disobedient right boob.

12:31 pm September, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Anyone else find it creepy that the right window pane, and only the right window pane, is showing the Window’s XP default wallpaper? Like maybe these cretins are living inside my computer and looking out at me right now?

12:48 pm September, 5 Duck Duck Douche said...

@DMcC…those are some heavy duty bikini strings.

.

12:59 pm September, 5 hermit said...

Two dishwashers are gay or European.

I also like to mow my lawn when I’m really hammered in the afternoon because of marginal employment. The ’93 Cub Cadet is fuel injected and sprays broken beer bottles and dog shit across the neighbor’s yard.

Like a Mongol warrior mounted on a spirited steed, cutting down Chinese emperors and tall weeds with the rusted slingblades of death.

.

I am a victorious champion!

1:00 pm September, 5 hermit said...

Did I mention Deep Purple on my ipod?

Fuck No!

1:09 pm September, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@ Dude McCrudeshoes,

.

I believe you are the first to have tagged our beloved DarkSock without his trademark mouse ears and black make-up. Well done. And by well done I mean unintentional mouth-to-asspear midway through DarkSock attempting to put the boat back on the trailer.

1:21 pm September, 5 Vin Douchal said...

RE: Boat shenanigans.

.

Thanks to CNN for looping the hilarity a few times for maximum enjoyment. Then when one is almost worn from guffaws, they keep it rolling for the aftermath.

.

That is fuccen comedy, gents

1:25 pm September, 5 DarkSock said...

Waiting for Guy-Blow

1:27 pm September, 5 DarkSock said...

And I’m not a cannibal but if I were I’d call dibs on the femur meat Trish is sporting on them fine tanned gams.

1:41 pm September, 5 Anonymous said...

The one on the right is a dishwasher, the one on the left is a trash compacter. The ones in the middle are garbage disposables.

2:07 pm September, 5 The Dude said...

That’s the dish rag I’m always trying to find at Bristol Farms. A really big one, with boobies.

2:19 pm September, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

Godottie’s firm, taut, toned, tanned legs, coupled with white bikini holy triangle reveal soothes my jagged nerves on this fine Sept afternoon. As I review the picture for the umpteenth time my eyes drift upwards toward firm, ripe, mid 20ish jiggly fun bags and I have nothing to complain about. She is HOTT.

2:22 pm September, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

Boating Shenanigans had me cracking up multiple times however their crash was minor league to what I believe DarkSock is truly capable of.

.

On another note here’s to a good season for all you ballers out there and your fav o rite team.

2:55 pm September, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Re Boat Shenanigans, if you watch it backwards it’s a story about a guy who gang bangs everyone on his boat so hard that everyone is dazed, bleeding from the nose, or passed out. When he’s done, he springs up from the deck and drives off.

.

Someone needs to loop that shit to Benny Hill theme music.

3:29 pm September, 5 Jeet Kune Douche said...

That blonde hawtie with the LUSCIOUS legz is surrounded by two infected testes! Someone get some bug spray or battery acid!

3:48 pm September, 5 Douche Springsteen said...

I fuccen hate it when someone uses the last of the paper towel and is too lazy to put a new roll on the spindle.

.

.

roommates

4:25 pm September, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Godottie can wrap those athletic legs around me and ride me like I’m a 3 cylinder Ukranian goped.

7:23 pm September, 5 Stephanie said...

Press board cabinets,with a layer of wood colored contact paper,dirty ass Pringles can,that Mr. Tattoo tried to shove up his ass when he was really drunk.

5:51 am September, 6 Charlie Smith said...

The first thing that popped into my head when I saw that photo was “you gonna get raped.” Putting aside her trip inevitabel trip to the emergency room to establish a chain of evidence, do people actually hang around in food preparation areas without shirts?

7:42 am September, 6 Douche Wayne said...

I smell half-shares. “Guys, c’mon, I’m only going to be there, like, six times all summer.” Fast-forward to three weeks after Memorial Day, he hasn’t left and has taken over an entire bedroom since he lost his job and stays there all week while everyone else is working.

8:29 am September, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Why does it look like they’re playing “grab a hiney” but not with her? Shorter douche is leaning waaaaaay too far to his right to be tryin’ to touch hers.

8:31 am September, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Dude McC

.

I hate you. Why? I was eating a handful of cashews when I watched that fuccen comedic genius of a video. Now I can’t stop fuccen coughing.

11:36 am September, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@ Doc Bunsen, I did warn you.

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