Friday, September 7, 2012

Undies-Poke Ramon Bothers Jennifer

Although it’s hard to say which douchetribute of Undies-Poke Ramon bothers Jennifer more. Is it the ridiculous undies-poke?

The Ed Hardy faux sleeve tatt?

Or the fact that Undies-Poke Ramon gives the camera the same “tough guy” glare in every pic?

Jennifer’s taut milkshake leg suckle paddles the Baby Tebus with a hopeful swat.

# posted by douchebag1
9:33 am September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Tough gay look”. It looks like someone blew a huge and devasting chimichanga blast to make the room so cloudy. And by cloudy I mean cheap and stinky.

9:36 am September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

His I-Phone is erect. His penis is on vibrate. His mind is on schlong, and vinyl seats. His sleeve says “Kill me now I am an incurable faggoath.”

9:36 am September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Where’s Wedgie?

9:41 am September, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The sign in the background of the second pic tells just how classy Ramon is: “So I wuz thinkin’ we should go to tha bowlin’ alley and chug some of that box wine. Ya down with that? Cool.”

9:52 am September, 7 FredN. said...

Second pic has a MUCH more flattering angle for hottie Jennifer. Absolutely beautiful.

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Which makes my rage towards douchedick even greater.

9:52 am September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

The sign in the background is where he works. It says, “Shoe Shine”

10:01 am September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Jennifer’s slappy lappies ladel laviscious longing leading to lickity luvslurps. Luvslurps, I says

10:07 am September, 7 wonderdouche twin said...

How to be more DOUCHE! Wear a tattoo sleeve! He is actually wearing a tattoo sleeve, there is a wrinkle in it in the second pic! I think Jennifer is one of the wait staff.

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Of course since it is the same blank stare maybe he is just a cardboard cutout for AXE?

10:12 am September, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

You’d have a sour look, too, DB1 if your tighty-whities were giving you a wedgie.

10:17 am September, 7 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

Jennifer is awesome, if a little flat-chested. That’s how Raquel Welch looked when I first met her. She was just some starry-eyed senorita when she came to me at a bible study class. She said, “Ryan, I just know god wants me to be a huge star, but he cursed me with this tiny bust.” “Raq, I told her, that’s why god sent you to the man whose brain is 40 times, or at least 28 times, more powerful than the average human.” You see, back then you couldn’t go all doctor 90210. You had to live with what you had.

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So I gave the problem some thought. Maybe 6 to 7 minutes at least. Then I cut up some marine grade waterproofed canvas into these big raviolis. That’s how I got the brainstorm. I was eating with Chef Boyardee at the time. I don’t mean I was eating out of a can, I mean I was eating with the man himself. He could make a ravioli that would literally make you wet your pants with excitement.

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So what do I put in these canvas raviolis? Momma K’s Grape Jelly. Only it’s not called Momma K’s anymore. It’s called Welches! Get it? We didn’t know about saline or silicone, so this stuff had the perfect consistency. To be honest, I played with them for a full day before I called Raq back.

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Nowadays, before I invented this type of procedure, they cut a hole under your arm or under your nipple. That’s just lazy. I went in through the belly button. It was time consuming… it took me maybe 2 hours 50 some minutes… but it was worth it. Raq has no scars, and only if you look really close can you see her belly button is maybe a millimeter bigger than normal. Later that same year she became famous wearing that animal skin bikini on the big screen. The lord sure works (through me) in mysterious ways.

10:41 am September, 7 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

Those of us who have won Olympic gold usually forget how many medals and which events we won after a while. The only thing you really remember is how super awesome you are. I was discussing this with another medal winner a while back, Duke Kahanamoku. You know, the Duke. The Big Kahuna.

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We were sipping mai tais in Tahiti at the time, and this Typhoon was blowing in. So I wink at the Kahuna and tell him, “Let’s take your boat out and look for some big ones, Duke. Epic, gnarly pounders will be rolling in.” The Duke took a deep breath and said back to me, “Sorry Ry-man, no can do. I don’t mind sayin’, cuz it’s just you and me, but I’m scared to go out there.”

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I tell him, “No worries, Duke. You just tow me in and I’ll do the rest. You don’t need to be afraid because I’ll be there, and I’m super awesome.” But first, let’s call Buzz and have him spot for us. Buzz Aldrin was always up for stealing a Navy jet and taking it for a joyride. Usually it was with some stripper in the navigator’s seat, but he was happy to do this for us.

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About an hour out, Buzz radios down that he’s spotted a monster. This thunder crest was at least 600 feet high. Strictly speaking a tsunami and not a wave, which is why it’s not in the record books. The Kahuna drops me in and I rode that thing for 2 hours and 50 or so minutes. I rode that thing all the way to Manila, where Buzz, Kahuna, and me celebrated with some mai tais, cigars, and these Filipina beauties I saved from drowning. But that’s another story.

10:45 am September, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Superstar Paul Ryan

Leave the reminiscences to Douchey Walnuts, he’s to pure genius as you are to rank amateur.

10:51 am September, 7 Superstar Paul Ryan said...

^Thanks! I knew I could count on your vote!

10:59 am September, 7 Charles Douchewin said...

This is superb HCwDB dialectic. Particularly the second picture.

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I’m watching the sleve-tatt sleve as a contestant for this year’s “Greatest crisis of Modernity”.

Is it an undershirt, with two sleeves, or something like a legging – for only one arm?

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Also, I’ve recently relocated to the Rev Chad side of the border, here on the eastern (but not obnoxiously French) section.

And I’m happy to report a distinct lack of douchebags, herpsters – or even hipsters.

11:02 am September, 7 Charles Douchewin said...

Also, the natural goodness of Pino Jen beats Champagne Katie any day.

11:08 am September, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Funny you should mention, Charles Douchewin… my babe-o-meter readings tell me that is Jamillette Gaxiola, sister of Champagne Katie.

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You be the judge: http://i191.photobucket.com/albums/z8/jamillette/l_56141acad536400c81d06637a7b1de80.jpg

11:13 am September, 7 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

SPR: Huh ?

11:17 am September, 7 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

D Mc C: I believe you are correct. I noticed the resemblance. But I also found this

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Janira-Gaxiola-Kremets-AKA-Champagne-Katie/283168528397316

I love it. How desperate for attention are you when you actually adopt your HCWDB name.

11:25 am September, 7 Ted Brogan said...

Is he wearing adult diapers?

11:25 am September, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Magnum Douche PI, Desperate for attention is what you have to be if you are trying to make it as some sort of semi-pro model / paid to pose partier. And you have to admit, it’s easier to embrace your HCwDB name and go with the joke than write threatening take down letters. Letters of any kind are hard when your written language is twitter.

11:35 am September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Western Michigan hockey goalie Frank Slubowski channels “The Dude”

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Pretty cool

11:36 am September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Charles Douchwin

.

What city are you in. Son?

11:46 am September, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Ted Brogan, “Is he wearing adult diapers?”

.

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Depends, really.

11:48 am September, 7 Charles Douchewin said...

@ Dude McCrudeshoes – I’m impressed. And yes, looking pretty is a dirty, vapid business. I learned this from my home state of NJ – origin of the Miss America pagent.

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New Jersey has alot to answer for.

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@ The Rev, I’m in the Guelphs. It’s nice, but although it’s not cold yet, it’s still kinda white around here.

12:05 pm September, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Maybe DB1 will let us in his secret one of these days. Like any good conspiracy theory, I’m going through the stages of disbelief, suspicion, paranoia, and homicidal rage. Ever since that draftstreet picture give-away, DB1 has had an inside track on limited edition Champagne Katie pictures. Now he seems to have added big sis, Pinogris Jenn to his stable. Are aunts and uncles far behind? Are one of these two his next Snooki? Yeah, there I said it. Snooki. Connect the dots: Past transgressions, relocation, new projects, and insider pictures.

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Hopefully I’m wrong and he’s doing something harmless like founding a new celebrity religious cult.

12:14 pm September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Anyone who wears a fake tatt sleeve in a non-ironic manner should have said arm amputated.

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Why is she wearing a Red Cross rescue blanket on her right shoulder?

12:38 pm September, 7 UFO Destroyers said...

The blanket is covering up DB1 soflty gnawing at the Baby Tebus.

1:45 pm September, 7 Anonymous said...

I for one enjoy Superstar Paul Ryan. I read his posts and process them quite quickly.

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