Friday, October 5, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Clownbags convincing uberhott knee suckle brunettes to dress in day-glo colors gives the DB1 a sad.

For the herpster mutations in our post Jersey Shore moment make the parking lot frolics and fist pumping fauxhawked orangoids of yesteryear seem quaint by comparison.

At least the phase-1 douche was easily identifiable.

The tropes grow more complex.

And so does the mock.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Didn’t you take economics? You could have had me for $49.95.”

Pear Pear. We’re not there yet. Don’t jump ahead. Earn it.

Shopping Malls in 1990. A time for which no nostalgia should be experienced.

The greatest big-speech-slow-clap high school movie moment in 1980s cinema history. (clap starts at 4:39)

The second greatest slow-clap high school movie moment in 1980s cinema history.

Hottie Malin Ackerman reproduces with a douchebag. There is no hope.

Poser British teen sent home for douche-hair. Hey, guy? Punk died in 1984 when Duke was shot. “Lets get sushi! And not pay!”

Okay, you’ve been good. But before we get to the Pear, here’s a little news pear:

All hail Brazil’s Miss Bum Bum pageant! And by hail, I mean the shmeckle meshpucha.

Enough. Lets get to it:

Skyscrapear.

Tall and ubergnaw, as Howard Roark would want it.

# posted by douchebag1
12:40 pm October, 5 Douchble Helix said...

Who is John Galt?

1:00 pm October, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Lets get sushi! And not pay!”, I say yes “let’s go do some crimes”

1:14 pm October, 5 Vin Douchal said...

Heather Clem fucks Hulk Hogan while Bubba leaves the room to let them have at it…. then it goes on sale…. Awesome… That’s what friends are for …. They even mention it was sloppy seconds, that Bubba had already banged her earlier. Yes, Hulk went down on her ….

.

Then the Belz goes on Fox News Network’s lightweight weekend morning show for some hilarity and signs off with, “Zig Heil, to all your other divisions”

.

What a great week

1:20 pm October, 5 Douche Moore said...

Roark tagged it. Selfishly.

2:21 pm October, 5 Scooby Douche said...

There is no day so crappy that a picture of an awesome mullet cannot make you feel better about your life in general…….

2:24 pm October, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Heather Clemydia. I pity the fool that gives The Hulkster sloppy seconds.

4:29 pm October, 5 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Richard Belzer was funny once. Back on National Lampoon’s all-time fuccen classic, “That’s Not Funny That’s Sick,” when he was Dick Ballentine the best looking guy you’ll ever hear.

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You must buy this.

http://www.amazon.com/NATIONAL-LAMPOONS-THATS-NOT-FUNNY/dp/B0000C0FA4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349478575&sr=8-1&keywords=that%27s+not+funny+that%27s+sick

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It must suck when you peak in your 20s.

7:40 pm October, 5 The Dude said...

I still don’t get the pupa shades. Am I too smart?

8:22 pm October, 5 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Don’t come shakin’ my hand like we peeps,” Sammy Davis, Jr. to Harry Cohn, head of Columbia Pictures. This is some story.

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Cohn was a real fuckin douchebag. Back in what they call the Golden Age of Hollywood, Cohn and all his Jew buddies ran the town, ran the picture business. They made most mob guys look like pikers by comparison, got things done by breaking arms, legs and balls.  They banged every starlet, wanna be starlet and for that matter, every broad in town. Any broad they wanted. Anyone who says power ain’t the greatest aphrodisiac don’t know what they’re talking about. Women flocked to ’em. These guys were as ugly as ugly could be, strunzos all, but they got any babe any time.

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Every dame knew that if they wanted to be in a Louis B. Meyer film they’d have to to let Meyer give it to them in the keister; Jack Warner loved to have his joint copped whilst the dame shoved a finger or two up his ass; Cohn loved to cum on broad’s tits. Every studio hot shot had their little thing they liked. Walt Disney liked his conquests to dress up like they was the characters in his cartoons, and he couldn’t hold off on lettin his load fly. He was like 20 seconds and ba-boom. Finished. Way back, Cecil B. DeMille used to get broads to drip hot candle wax on his scrotum. Madon!

.

So what does this all have to do with Sammy? Well you kids may not know Sammy and Kim Novak had a public fling. Novak was a real doll and a great actress. She was in that Hitchcock film about the guy who got all dizzy in high places and she played this dame who was pretendin to be another dame who looked like a dame Jimmy Stewart was in love with, or some-fuckin-thing like that. My head always hurt from Hitchcock films. Oh and Hitchcock loved to get head whilst he was sittin on the john. Bloppy, I says.

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Sammy always had a thing for white broads. But they was always nobodies, not big stars like Knockers Novak. Now, she was Cohn’s. And by she was Cohn’s I mean the old hebe was cumming on her jumblies thrice weekly. Thrice, I says. Back in those days colored guys just didn’t date white chicks openly, especially when the white broad was a big Hollywood star who was gettin the Kosher Salami from one of the most powerful men in the world. You know what I’m sayin’, Cool Breeze?

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The public story is that Cohn sent some Mafia goons to scare Sammy offa Novak’s prime poon, threatened to take out his good eye if he didn’t cheese it, and that as a result Sammy backed off. That was all nonsense circulated by the studio to make these studio honchos seem like tough guys. First of all, no L.A. mook woulda been a match for any of the muscle Sammy had at his disposal via Frank via Mr. Giancana.

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Here’s what really happened. Cohn did threaten Sammy and Sammy told that miserable fuckin yid to go screw hisself. Then Cohn sent over some half-a-finnoch, cheese eatin’ tough guy wanna be’s to try and intimidate Sammy. Sammy was with Frank when this happened and Frank got on the blower to Giancana to call in some of his muscle. Giancana sent these guys they called, “The Sausage Brothers,” Cosmo Ascolese and Rocco Bufo. These guys had more hair on their knuckles than most guys have on their head.

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You can probably figure out why they was called The Sausage Brothers. So The Sausage Brothers track down Cohn’s goons, wrap ’em up good and tight and bring ’em over to Cohn’s mansion in the middle of the night. They drag that silk pajama wearin’ Jew outta his bed and into the backyard garden where Cosmo and Rocco proceed to feed Cohn’s goons – alive – through a big industrial sized meat grinder they had in their van. It was their favorite weapon and the best way to get rid of evidence. Na mean? Cohn’s guard dogs was accomplices, as they ate the Goon Sausage right there in front of Cohen, whilst he was crapping his thousand dollar jammies.

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Sammy was gonna dump Novak anyway cuz he caught her boffing some other Titsune on the backlot at Columbia. At some Hollywood awards shindig a few weeks later Sammy said the above to Cohn when Cohn tried to make nice. Yea, Hollywood was a real gas back in the day.

10:02 pm October, 5 The Dude said...

LMFAO! Wallnuts, you’re my reason to live to see another day of mockery and story-telling. Just completely fucking awesome!

10:08 pm October, 5 The Dude said...

uhm, not like I was gonna jump offa bridge if you stopped tellin’ your stories. I ain’t that fuk’n stupid.

10:12 pm October, 5 The Dude said...

and, hermit’s stuff is really funny. So I have that to fall back on, like a funny pillow. And McCrudeShoes whatever he calls himself — oops I’m drunk. Oh well, Rev Chad and Jay are great and this site is by far the most recent site I’ve visited!

10:15 pm October, 5 The Dude said...

and DarkSock, I always get psyched on the Friday Haiku. Never get the ‘A’ game going. I’ll work on that.

3:50 am October, 6 Douchble Helix said...

OMG. DW FTW!!!

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He’s our Will.I.Am fucking Shakespeare, na mean?

7:37 am October, 6 Dickie Fingers said...

Then Cohn sent over some half-a-finnoch, cheese eatin’ tough guy wanna be’s to try and intimidate Sammy.

8:07 am October, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

Douchey Walnuts is brilliant!!!!.

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Speaking of Brazil’s Miss Bum Bum pageant, I says we have a contest to pick the winner and by contest I mean wagering. Who wants in? and how much should we bet?

http://www.missbumbumbrasil.com.br/candidatas/

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@Rev

Are we wagering this weekend? if so what game?

11:15 pm October, 6 Little Willie said...

The oddball shades and zebra pants scream dick sucker in the mens bathroom while he inserts his middle fingers in the recipient’s anus. The brunette looks like she was just passing through as they took the picture.

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