Monday, October 15, 2012

HCwDB of the Month

Bring it.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle

We have never properly mocked the emo choadlicks of scortebaguous on this site.

There’s is a Brony subculture of rankling and disturb.

But, really, how different are they than Jerzey Pudwhackery?

Tighty white tee becomes tighty black tee.

Douche tatt is still a douche tatt.

Guyliner Gary reminds us of the toolbaggeries that await even in the seemingly variant of corners.

Goth Gayle has giggle smile. Late night pancakes await.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Alissa and the Pepscrote

This pic feels like a glimpse into another world.

Back in HCwDB’s halycon days, before the media industry tool my beloved (and coined) “douche” descriptive and began applying it willy nilly to any and all males of annoying persuasion as the means to grab a quick laugh (looking at you, “New Girl”).

The Pepscrote is classic sodabag.

Affliction shirts.

Still out there.

Still Ed Hardy’s retarded brother.

Let us never forget the road of cultural suck that led us to this moment in our collective history.

Alissa is barely legal hip suckle.

Pepscrote uses too much gel.

Together, they are rancid key lime pie.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas

Like a broken Jeter ankle, this finalist couple fractures its way into the Monthly.

And while it’s never appropriate to celebrate a sports injury, in the case of the Yankees there is an exception.

For the Yankees sucketh. Goeth Tigers. So it shall be known across the seven lands.

Khaleesi decrees it so.

Andrea’s Dreas swing pendulously with approval and suckle bobble hypnosis.

Her arms are the strength of female wiles.

They crush my spirit and betray my intellect.

As I sell whatever assets I have to have her assets.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather

For sheer retardundity, is there anything we’ve seen worse lately than Tri-vag Dave’s tri-vag chinpubery?

I think not.

But Dave’s an everyday pud underneath it all.

Just an average white boy on the road to mediocrity.

Desperately paying $200 for a douche shit and hoping to keep up in a land he doesn’t understand.

Real World Heather doesn’t set the HC quotient on fire, but she is still quality youth smile.

Together, there is much to hate about Long Island.

So them’s your four.

Which of these hottie/douchey couplings deserves entrance in the Monthly?

Vote, as ever in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:49 am October, 15 Los Douches said...

Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle, because Gayle just does it for me (my thing is normally for blondes, but Gayle….yummy).

Plus Alissa is very, very underage. That gives me the creeps.

7:52 am October, 15 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I submitted Dave & Heather and you gotta dance with who brung ya.

8:06 am October, 15 Tits McGee said...

While Gayle is just too adorable and just looking for anyone to take her to the Vampire Weekend show, Gary is not a douchebag. He is just an overweight, balding, bigheaded jackass who got lucky when he was propositioned into donning eyeliner for this cutie.

I have a feeling that if you took away Alissa’s massive amounts of makeup and youthful attitude, I’d still suck a fart right out of her. Her choice is not of a new generation, but definitely one which needs to be introduced to genocide.

Yank and ‘Drea are just so classic. Not really bringing anything new to the table but still manage to stir up a desire to stop this couple by the poor and ask them both, “Why?” but for different reasons.

Dave was the ugly kid in elementary school and grew into his awkwardness by working out and piercing his ear instead of developing a personality. Heather (while real-worldesque), has Steve Buscemi eyes and the biceps of someone who was taking workout cues from the wrong gender. Not hot.

In the end, Pepscrote is young and still has the potential to grow out of this horrible phase. Yankee is in it to win it for life, and for the month.

…and boobs.

8:19 am October, 15 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Alissa and Pepscrote FTW (loss) and by FTW I mean Alissa and her hip bone gives me a renoB. Andrea and Yankee McSpanky are noteworthy, yet do nothing spectacular, while Alissa’s hip bone is spectacular.

8:59 am October, 15 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Alissa and the Pepscrote FTW. DoucheyWallnuts says it well, but let me point out that Alissa and Pepscrote have the greatest ratio of non-bleeth to scrote.

.

But I would like to discover, in person, the level of bleeth in Andrea’s Dreas.

9:33 am October, 15 Olddog said...

Alissa and the Pepscrote

Because

9:44 am October, 15 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Alyssa and Pepscrote, because what Olddog said.

10:12 am October, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Grenade tatt under muscle tatt on muscle makes me wish for a Palestinian youth with dead aim hitting Yankee McSpankee between the eyes with a well place stone

.

Sure, Jeter fractured his ankle in that slimy bandbox designed so a pop up to second hits the wind stream and sails over the right field fence for the cheapest home run since the 201 foot L.A. Coliseum moonshot in the pre-Dodger Stadium home of Los Doyers .

.

But Yahweh has still not answered my daily prayers for a career ending scrotum injury to A-Rod and Texiera . C’mon Yahweh, step it up

.

Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas FTW

as her Diacos would fly in the wind when she mounts ya. Oh yeah, and Yankee’s a colossal Douchebag

10:17 am October, 15 Charles Douchewin said...

I agree with both DW, and I R A Darth Aggie, but Los Douches is right. Alissa’s indiscretions seem too youthful.

.

And by indiscretions, I mean hip bones.

.

After visiting this site for a while, Dave and Heather just look like normal people to me (see Oranguatan).

.

Guyliner Gary’s stare is unnerving. It’s like an evil elvis-on-black-velvet who’s eyes follow you.

He’s trashcan-to-the-head worthy. But I just want to place the trashcan over him, and hope he never takes it off.

.

I vote for Andrea and McSpankee.

For McSpankee is archetype douche, and undeserving of Andrea or her dreas.

10:17 am October, 15 FredN. said...

While I still think Gayle is one of the hottest real worlders to appear on this site in over a year, I vote for YANKEE MCSPANKEE/ANDREAS as worst pile of asplodin’ poo.

.

OMG, I just realized the rest of that tat is supposed to represent his muscle fibers. Please let these losers lose (win).

10:29 am October, 15 Vin Douchal said...

And “Kudos” to Fox Sports for using Erin Andrews all over the college football and MLB playoff coverage this weekend past. We can NEVER get too much Erin

.

.

Oil Cans

10:47 am October, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

Alissa and the Pepscrote get my vote an by my vote I mean her perky nipple calls to me in my dreams.

10:58 am October, 15 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas…Winners all around

11:31 am October, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Alissa and Pepscrote for the underage doobies. I mean boobies. And that hip is dang fine too. Guy Fieris.

11:37 am October, 15 Colossus of Choads said...

I believe Yankee has what we are looking for.

And by looking for, I mean as candidates for fumigation.

11:58 am October, 15 Blind Squirrel said...

Yankee/Andrea FTW(L)

12:23 pm October, 15 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Individual case analysis follows forthwith:

Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle – Gary is inviting me to punch him in his tiny raisins with jackhammer intensity and frequency. Everything about this guy screams out “I always got picked last in grade school for pickup basketball during gym class.” What a poor excuse for a puddle of pus. Gayle, OTOH, is great – ignoring that ski long jump attached for her face. I’d give Gary a Douchecon 2 status – one step away from armageddon. Gayle is saving him from perdition.

Alissa and Pepscrote – Stunningly enough, Pepscrote – in all his putrid vileness – is not quite as bad as Gary. At least Pepscrote looks vaguely human. Alissa has started her bleethdom career early, and I’m afraid that despite the clear invitation that hip bone poses to my tongue, I suspect that she already carries at least three venereal diseases and is actively expanding her portfolio.

Another Douchecon2, but this time it’s the chick who’s actually driving the rating that high/low.

Yankee and Drea – got a tranny look goin’ on there, honey/dude, though your chesticles are most enticing. And as for Yankee – TAKE OFF THAT HAT, PUSSY BOY. Get that tat/degenerative skin infection on your arm covered up, AND GET RID OF THAT FLOWERED SLEEVELESS T! Yer makin’ Gary look BUTCH, you MANGINA. HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY YANKEES!

DOUCHECON 1. FLAMETHROWER IS PRIMED AND READY.

Dave and Heather – despite the pathetic face pubes, Dave is pretty harmless. And he & heather actually look somewhat…….normal. I can’t even rate them. I hope Dave simply shaves and they have a happy life together.

So the verdict is: YANKEE AND DREA FOR THE LOSS!!!!! Let them never breed, so their genetic poison does not infect humanity. It would be a gift to mankind if they were thrown into the primary lava pool of Kilauea. Thus would the world be cleansed, and the sun would shine brighter thereby.

1:01 pm October, 15 creature said...

guyliner gary doesn’t really qualify, mostly because goth goons are converted goofy twerp, loners who feel alienated & plot the secret distruction of all those who have ever laughed at & belittled them…they paint their nails black & are anti fun & feel good…sometimes anti is ok

…having said that, pepsi scroad ftw due to stupid hair & embrodery on jeans (never cool, dipstick)

1:19 pm October, 15 Troy Tempest said...

Yankee McSpankee for the societal loss, because as long as he breathess, precious oxygen is being wasted on his precious bodily fluids. And by precious bodily fluids, I don’t mean spooge, I mean bile because that is what passes for brain fluid in this scuzbag. When he wakes up, flowers die. When he breathes, kitten jump into blenders. When he speaks, whales leap into volcanos. He doesn’t use AX body sprray, he uses VX body spray, and when he sleeps, the world breathes a sigh of relief. He has fangs in his butthole that make holes in his turds, which make them faster to cook for dinner.

.

corprophages.

1:24 pm October, 15 icame isaw idouched said...

I wish the shrapnel from that grenade would erase that smug face. Spankee FTW

1:48 pm October, 15 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

The Yankee-bag has a grenade tattoo ! nuff said. And Andrea has big breasteses.

2:02 pm October, 15 Rev Chad Superstoned And Mrs. is addicted to my weed. said...

If only I was going to be in Montreal watching RUSH alone on Thursday I would be doing this:

.

http://www.montrealeroticservices.com/ads/montreal-independent-escort-classy-upscale-private-companion-courtesan-elena-lutens/

.

But the Mrs. has never seen the Holy Threesome so I’ll have to do her instead.

.

http://images3.backpage.com/imager/u/medium/65716122/d3ef259d.jpg

2:28 pm October, 15 Los Douches said...

@Rev Chad Superstoned: You gotta do what you gotta do to see Rush, man.

I’m missing this tour, first time in a long time but I can’t stand the new album.

3:00 pm October, 15 Hermit said...

I find Gayle to be the most attractive of our four female candidates, though I question her Gothness due to the fact that her skin has the healthy glow normally associated with exposure to the sun, and she has a warm smile which bespeaks of afternoon strolls through dew-kissed meadows in June.

My niece looks exactly like Alissa and therefore I find it disconcerting to lust after her, though I must confess to peering down her top as she bent down to scoop some dog poop during an outdoor family gathering. Several verses of Leviticus came to mind when our eyes met in a tortured moment of awkwardness. I can’t vote for her for the same reason observant Jews abstain from eating bear meat.

Andrea: Boobs

Heather is uncomfortable, a bit homely and perspiring lightly.

.

I disdain all the douches with near-equal hatred. I too have become a bit jaded, but I gotta‘ go with Yankee McSpankee for sheer boilerplate douchiosity.

3:20 pm October, 15 Hermit said...

With MLB playoffs and the NFL in full swing, check out a real athlete.

Witness the precision, the speed and the power of a True Master!

Watch this and you’ll find yourself spent, in awe and perhaps a bit thirsty.

3:28 pm October, 15 Merle Baggard said...

GG and GG. She’s cute. He makes me puke.

3:53 pm October, 15 DarkSock said...

At first glance I’d blurt out an up (down) vote for Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas. She is delightful, and he is a poo grenade; his shorn balls are flamethowers that have surely slicked down her unthatched tooterbug with his rancid DNA.
.
But I cannot ignore the Laura Dern Eye Of Coitus comin’ at me from nasty li’l ol’ Real World Heather…ohhhh yeahhhh….Come To DarkSock…..
.
And I’d like to touch up Tri-Vag Dave’s ant trail of a beard with a rusty adze.
ae
TV Dave and RW Heather FTW

3:56 pm October, 15 Leery said...

A hand grenade tatt is just fucking idiotic; yet guyliner gary deserves a punch in the eye….decisions decisions

Hell, we have not a goth champion for a while….Guyliner Gary it is

4:16 pm October, 15 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

GG&GG because he deserves to have his face pummeled and she deserves to have her G-spot discovered.

4:21 pm October, 15 Capt. James T. Douche said...

McSpank FTL, Andreas boobs FTW!

5:33 pm October, 15 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Sorry boss, late to vote today. Gotta get my priorities straight.

Spanky and the Dreas (both of ‘em), any other outcome would be a travesty. Douchiest tatt we’ve seen in some time and fulsome naturals are in short supply around here.

5:58 pm October, 15 ehcuodouche said...

Alyssa and the Pepscrote. I too, couldn’t help but wax nostalgic for the days before tattoo scribblings, grotesque facial manscaping, and the giant hole of no ear. When douchitude could be accomplished with a blowout, trendy gaudy shirt, huge belt buckle, and A/X jeans, mixed with a double helping of douche attitude. Pepscrote probably attends Bible Study when he isn’t a backup dancer for Nsync. Alissa has managed to channel my inner Lolita-lover by having a Selena Gomez and a Miley Cyrus thing going on at the same time. She also channels her inner virgin enough to think that she’s probably porked only two or three guys tops, and then only because Lou Pearlman said it would help her career. Oh, then there was Justin Timberlake cause he was so cute as a Mouseketeer.

7:16 pm October, 15 Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabbadouche said...

I would wave a palm frond on Andrea to keep her cool, in the hopes that she will let me keep the towel she used to dry herself off with after doing hot yoga. Which means…

It’s not even close for me – Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas. The hot chick factor was strong across the board (though Alissa is veering closely to bleethdom, and at such a young age, sigh), but the combination of Andrea’s winning smile (bonus points for putting up the sunglasses so we can see her eyes) and her ample bosom, plus the complete pudwackery of Spankee, and it’s all over. Ridiculous tats, dirtbag shirt, pretend ‘hard’ look at the camera…choad.

1:45 am October, 16 Stephanie said...

Pepscrote deserves a hard punch to the throat,the attitude,the crap in his hair… He’s the one.

2:08 am October, 16 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

They are ‘Bags of heavyweight proportions, although GAY liner Gary goes a bit far even for a ‘Bag.

So for me it comes down to which one is the hottest of the Hotts. In this field of four, Alyssa takes the cake, and thus drags the middling ‘Bag Pepscrote across the line. Sez me.

3:21 am October, 16 Tanath said...

Yankee

6:33 am October, 16 FoghornLeghorn said...

Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle for the win. McSpankee and Andrea (oh, Andrea) are contenders, but Gayle looks like she’s dirtier.

7:18 am October, 16 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

As my dear ole Grandpa Frank said, “If you don’t vote, you can’t mock.”

Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas

Tat, hat smug look and well he is crying cause Jetter went down so you gotta give him something

8:48 am October, 16 jonezy said...

Andrea.

.

Cuz I’ve always had fantasies of hate-fucking Mariah Carey.

11:12 am October, 16 ummm said...

Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle for sure. Gary brings the term douchebag to a higher level with his Metallica tattoo, and his black beater: while Gayle is by far, the hottest of the chicks. What I wouldn’t give to tie her up in leather and teach her how a real man looks.

2:45 pm October, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas FTW! Why? ‘Cause its 1 (Ed Tardy shirt. Really??), 2 (Grenade tatt. Seriously? No appreciation for the hott), 3 strikes (Yankmees hat, smug look, and facial pube dusting) you’re out at the ol’ ball game.

9:20 pm October, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

I’m just gonna throw in Yankee McSpankee. I could offer some reasoning like self-seriousness, a demonstration of the success of douchosity in pulling top-shelf suckle, etc. but it’s the post-season. And F the Yankees. That’s reason enough.

9:23 pm October, 16 Anonymous said...

Even though Guyliner Gary looks like an evil, greasy furbie, and Tri-Vag’s sheer dorkiness begs for mock, it has got to be Yankee M–the signifiers and the look on his face speak for themselves–he is douche and she is bleeth

9:24 pm October, 16 stereotype, but... said...

Even though Guyliner Gary looks like an evil, greasy furbie, and Tri-Vag’s sheer dorkiness begs for mock, it has got to be Yankee M–the signifiers and the look on his face speak for themselves–he is douche and she is bleeth

9:55 am October, 17 Army (ret) Douche said...

Randomly checking a box because we all know the lobbyists run the mothly…. Pepscrote

11:03 am October, 17 Anonymous said...

I’m going to have to go with #3, she doesn’t look like a complete bagette and he is by far the biggest douche.

6:40 pm October, 17 Douche ex Machina said...

Alissa and her hipbone reveal is definitely the hottest Hott, but Andrea is definitely not hard to look at. Yankee McSpankee, OTOH, is. It was the grenade tattoo even more than that Yankees hat that sent me over the edge. YM and Andrea FTW (loss).

1:56 pm October, 22 alexandreedumbass said...

Guyliner Gary all the way!! What clinched it for me was the OVS (obvious vanity shot), IE, the hott’s arm extended to hold the camera. Honestly, can’t Gen Y get enough of themselves already??

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