Saturday, October 20, 2012

HCwDB of the Month: Yankee McSpankee and Andrea's Dreas

Your humb narrs finally got around to tallying up the vote, and the douchey-ass grenade tatt and female grenade globbles barely bested the barely legalities of Alissa and the Pepscrote.

The voters speak:

Tits McGee: Pepscrote is young and still has the potential to grow out of this horrible phase. Yankee is in it to win it for life, and for the month.

IRA Darth Aggie: Alissa and the Pepscrote FTW. DoucheyWallnuts says it well, but let me point out that Alissa and Pepscrote have the greatest ratio of non-bleeth to scrote.

FredN.: While I still think Gayle is one of the hottest real worlders to appear on this site in over a year, I vote for YANKEE MCSPANKEE/ANDREAS as worst pile of asplodin’ poo.

Colossus of Choads: I believe Yankee has what we are looking for. And by looking for, I mean as candidates for fumigation.

stereotype, but…: Even though Guyliner Gary looks like an evil, greasy furbie, and Tri-Vag’s sheer dorkiness begs for mock, it has got to be Yankee M–the signifiers and the look on his face speak for themselves–he is douche and she is bleeth

Douche ex Machina: Yankee McSpankee, OTOH, is. It was the grenade tattoo even more than that Yankees hat that sent me over the edge. YM and Andrea FTW (loss).

Jeet Kune Douche: Let them never breed, so their genetic poison does not infect humanity. It would be a gift to mankind if they were thrown into the primary lava pool of Kilauea. Thus would the world be cleansed, and the sun would shine brighter thereby.

SonnyChibaChoad: Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas… Winners all around

Charles Douchewin: I vote for Andrea and McSpankee.

For McSpankee is archetype douche, and undeserving of Andrea or her dreas.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche: Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas FTW! Why? ‘Cause its 1 (Ed Tardy shirt. Really??), 2 (Grenade tatt. Seriously? No appreciation for the hott), 3 strikes (Yankmees hat, smug look, and facial pube dusting) you’re out at the ol’ ball game.

Vin Douchal: as her Diacos would fly in the wind when she mounts ya. Oh yeah, and Yankee’s a colossal Douchebag

Hermit: I disdain all the douches with near-equal hatred. I too have become a bit jaded, but I gotta‘ go with Yankee McSpankee for sheer boilerplate douchiosity.

Well said, team, and great to hear from a lot of classic ‘bag hunters. Coming in a close second was the barely legal hip poke and douche hair of the Pepsico:

Chris in ‘Baghdad: Alyssa takes the cake, and thus drags the middling ‘Bag Pepscrote across the line. Sez me.

DoucheyWallnuts: Alissa and Pepscrote FTW (loss) and by FTW I mean Alissa and her hip bone gives me a renoB. Andrea and Yankee McSpanky are noteworthy, yet do nothing spectacular, while Alissa’s hip bone is spectacular.

Et tu douche?: Alissa and the Pepscrote get my vote an by my vote I mean her perky nipple calls to me in my dreams.

The Reverend Chad Kroeger: Alissa and Pepscrote for the underage doobies. I mean boobies. And that hip is dang fine too. Guy Fieris.

Well, we know who the pervs in our midst are. Respek. Third and fourth were Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle and Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather.

Los Douches: Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle, because Gayle just does it for me (my thing is normally for blondes, but Gayle…yummy). Plus Alissa is very, very underage. That gives me the creeps.

FoghornLeghorn: Guyliner Gary and Goth Gayle for the win. McSpankee and Andrea (oh, Andrea) are contenders, but Gayle looks like she’s dirtier.

Leery: A hand grenade tatt is just fucking idiotic; yet guyliner gary deserves a punch in the eye….decisions decisions. Hell, we have not a goth champion for a while….Guyliner Gary it is

But this was boobages and douche tatt’s Month to shine/mock. Not sure they’re gonna be favored for the HCwDB of the Year, but they have earned their place. Lets let talking puppet Troy Tempest take us home:

Yankee McSpankee for the societal loss, because as long as he breathess, precious oxygen is being wasted on his precious bodily fluids. And by precious bodily fluids, I don’t mean spooge, I mean bile because that is what passes for brain fluid in this scuzbag. When he wakes up, flowers die. When he breathes, kitten jump into blenders. When he speaks, whales leap into volcanos. He doesn’t use AX body sprray, he uses VX body spray, and when he sleeps, the world breathes a sigh of relief. He has fangs in his butthole that make holes in his turds, which make them faster to cook for dinner.

# posted by douchebag1
11:27 am October, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Andrea’s Dreas FTW!!

1:17 pm October, 20 Troy Tempest said...

Yankee McSpankee isn’t worth a bag of burning dog shit.

1:46 pm October, 20 The Dude (remote loc) said...

“When he wakes up, flowers die” = another keyboard killed. Boo! And by ~Boo!~ I mean that’s pretty fkn funny!

2:17 pm October, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d like to have a moment with Andrea long enough for her to get to the point on my Jean-Guy where face gets stroke-like numb (I know), speech centers are disabled,

balance and memory are temporarily lost, and giggles start. Then I would request her to take off her shirt and raise her arms. And by raise her arms I mean analingus.

.

I’m going to get fucking wrecked now before we take the kiddies to Pumpkin Inferno at the local back in time village to see 5,000 Jack-O-Lanterns. Cause a stoned Dad is better than no Dad at all. And Grandpa is driving.

.

Son

3:27 pm October, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

Are wagering this weekend? if so let me know by 12PM tomorrow American time, I’m not sure what that equates to in Canadia. Hopefully this gives you enough time to figure it out by then.

4:40 pm October, 20 Wheezer said...

I think Troy’s “taking us home” comment is serving double duty as the uncredited Comment of the Week™. Just a hunch.

5:46 pm October, 20 Rev Chad Superstoned And Mrs. is addicted to my weed. said...

@Et Tu

.

How about this week we bet on your game and I take the opponent? We even again?

.

PumpkInferno was a fucking bust. Line so long Mrs. Kroeger almost punched a woman. I think assertive women are awesome. I’m glad it turned out so bad so I can get to doobin’.

.

Have a great night fuckers. Ima staying home getting totally lit and playing drums.

6:04 pm October, 20 hermit said...

I spent a bittersweet night with a lactating Panamanian hooker. We had sweaty and passionate sex as her newborn infant lay swaddled in a banana crate, stirring occasionally to cough through a restricted wind pipe. The sounds of drunks and hustlers on the street below could be heard through the open window as the bay breeze played gently with thin curtains.

I woke at dawn, bleary-eyed and dehydrated, and watched from across the room as my temporal partner suckled the child, her lilting Spanish soft and reassuring. I rose and dressed quickly then gave her a perfunctory nod good bye as I opened the door to leave. She only

looked at me with wide, pleading eyes, her baby still fastened to her breast. I left quickly and caught a bus home.

Several days later I came down with a severe case of crabs.

6:32 pm October, 20 Wheezer said...

Hermit, you should write a modern version of Aluísio Azevedo’s The Slum. I don’t know what you’d call it, but that’s your task if you choose to accept it.

7:32 pm October, 20 Vin Douchal said...

His tattoo is like one of those “Magic Eye” prints. If you stare at it long enough you can see fail and the chemical equation for Old Spice

7:43 pm October, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Along the long (hopefully) road of life we are forced to toil with trinkets and trivial issues, masking us from the true value of our lives. Here in this forum we have a band of miscreants commenting and running the site while the world winces at some of your stinging blows. Some even write in with lots of spelling mistakes.

.

A band of misceginators, drunks, stoners, idiot savants, and cool dudes with witty reparte. I don’t know how to put accents over pretentious french words so fuck it.. A brigade of poser-haters following the world as it unfolds towards its inevitable end. I think the hipsters are going to assume control. Was in a men’s shop today and the clothes are getting skinny and checkered. Scarfs and shit. Obama’s plot to hide the wealthy democrats in neighbourhoods you all know. It’s even happening in my hometown which I have returned to with the intention of slowing life down. A city of 46K people, a quarter of which are on some from of social assistance, has hipsterbags.

I am going to send in a photo of a big hipsterbag for Halloween. But why do the hipsterbags morph from town to town. Mustachioed pretenders of something ironic to who which the name will never be known in the above and the beyond. Montreal is absent of hipsterbags according to my recent observation. It’s more a Guido/Quebeqois think jiving in them parts of the globe.

.

I really like french hookers. The Quebec chicks that spend their weekends in hotel rooms in Ottawa and Toronto are nasty nice stripper sluts and college girls paying their way through. Clean hookers, the kind you can analingize. Suck your member Attila The Hun style if you know what I mean.

.

Some girl in B.C. killed herself over being a 12 year old exhibitionist. Stupid slut.

.

That Dan Rather is quite a dick. I like Bob Newhart and Rickles better. What the fuck am I doing? I don’t think there was a point to this story. Anyway I’m totally stoned and need to finsh smoking that joint outside with my drink and my Jesus-sized dog.

8:09 pm October, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

Stillers V Bungles, line is Stillers giving a 1, I owe you $20CDN. Double or nothing?

8:12 pm October, 20 Rev Chad Superstoned And Mrs. is addicted to my weed. said...

^Yes.

8:12 pm October, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Based on Hermit & the Rev’s recent posts I need to get back to Montreal and or Toronto soon or head on down to Panama.

9:21 pm October, 20 ehcuodouche said...

Excellent mock this month.

9:29 pm October, 20 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Hermit=Hemmingway

.

Rev=Kerouac

.

As I get ready to turn in for the night and get one day closer to the start of the week that has me looking forward to next weekend, thus wishing away 5/7ths of my life, I have to choose between The Big Lebowski from the credits, soft core porn featuring fake lesbianism that kills the lesbian fantasy, college football and Jesus Christ Superstar.

.

Speaking of JCS, anyone who thinks society hasn’t progressed should watch that piece of crap movie. We have evolved to a point where this type of tripe has been relegated to late night cable. Religion seen through the eyes of Finnochs, god awful and embarrassing faggery. If there was a God he’d be pissed at Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber for making him look like a fairy. A fairy,I says. If there is a God I’d rather him be like Walter Sobchak that a effete pillow biter. Pillow biter, I says.

.

Oh and Monthly Allissa is the first balding chick to give me a renoB.

11:39 pm October, 20 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Take sound advice from The Dude: Stick to Lebowski.

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