Monday, November 19, 2012

Bar Rafaeli Cuddles a Puddlestomp and Approves of the HCwDB of the Week

Bar Rafaeli is further proof of the perfect exotic boobie spackles of the Semitic Naughty Hebraic Taut Bobble Chomp.

Hers are the anti-Nordic genetic proof of Theodor Herzl’s vision come true in glorious technicolor 3D IMAX of my mind.

I would lick. Then whine softly.

Then cuddle my blankie. Then bite.

Then whimper.

Then run and hide and slap a penguin. And no, that’s not a euphemism for solo emissions. I really hate penguins.

Puddlestomp is paid to douche. But hey, I’m paid to mock.

# posted by douchebag1
10:23 am November, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I don’t think that douche she is riding like a sybian is kosher.

10:32 am November, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

Why? oh why Bar?, You don’t need the money and posing with Pauly D is a Shanda, a Shanda I says.

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I luvs me some depraved “Semitic Naughty Hebraic Taut Bobble Chomp”.

10:44 am November, 19 Bflak said...

Is she tweezing his eyebrow?

10:57 am November, 19 Vin Douchal said...

From IMDB.com- Species IX- The Reckoning, film treatment.

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Initial casting DJ Pauly D as “The Dupe” , Bar Rafaeli as “The Alien”, Joe Pantoliano as “The Grays Hunter”, Snooki as “Victim 7″, Ryan Seacrest as “Blue Boy Cabaret gay stripper”, Natasha Henstridge as “Woman that exposes her breasts for no apparant reason just like the previous nine installments”

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PLOT-

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Alien journeys to earth and takes life form of eyebrow threading employee at Bollywood Brow Bar. Using high tech device ,she sucks the brains out of unsuspecting humans, shipping much needed proteins and cells to home planet

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Alien runs into roadblock when attempting to suck the brain of DJ Pauly D, finds his cranium full of cotton candy, belly button lint, little rolled shards of feces stained toilet paper from the nightclub shitter stall ( called “Tuds” in a hilarious scene as Pauly D’s horrendous food poisoning from frozen pasta fagioli dinner causes a loud fart eruption in the men’s room that comes over the loud speakers as he forgets to turn off his wireless microphone during DJ gig ) and chewed off fingernails

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Conclusion finds The Grays Hunter tossing the Alien villian into vat of sauce at the New Jersey Ragu plant ultimately leading to the death of the antagonist…. followed by a scene of a young family sitting down to spaghetti dinner to end movie

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Initial reaction with focus group screening finds 55% leaving the filming after 22 minutes, 30% falling asleep, 10% staying for the free popcorn/candy/soda , 4% demanding 86 minutes of their life back and 1% stating “That was the most awesome fucking thing I’ve ever seen” then fist pumping to the closing credits

11:08 am November, 19 Bag Margera said...

This inspired me to invent the Ladies Portable Urinal. Just sit, rap the painted leather straps around her legs, and she’s good to go.

11:30 am November, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

And somewheres, Leonardo says, “Yea, I banged that, but got tired of her…Next.”

11:34 am November, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d protect her with my “Iron Dome” vaginal guard. Son.

11:35 am November, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Vin’s in early for COTW.

11:47 am November, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Particularly this passage…

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“Alien runs into roadblock when attempting to suck the brain of DJ Pauly D, finds his cranium full of cotton candy, belly button lint, little rolled shards of feces stained toilet paper from the nightclub shitter stall ( called “Tuds” in a hilarious scene as Pauly D’s horrendous food poisoning from frozen pasta fagioli dinner causes a loud fart eruption in the men’s room that comes over the loud speakers as he forgets to turn off his wireless microphone during DJ gig ) and chewed off fingernails.”

12:24 pm November, 19 The Dude said...

Bar is so hott even Señor Pudstomper can’t bleethe her.

12:24 pm November, 19 Ted Brogan said...

“perfect exotic boobie spackles of the Semitic Naughty Hebraic Taut Bobble Chomp” DB1, you’ve outdone yourself once again!

1:36 pm November, 19 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

Mongor? That dude gets around…

1:59 pm November, 19 Wheezer said...

ALL HAIL VIN

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Salty fuccen tears, broheim.

9:09 pm November, 19 Stephanie said...

Look at his face,do you see mongaloid? Autistic? And there isn’t anything “gifted” about him.

10:49 pm November, 19 Little Willie said...

She can ride me like a sybian anytime. She is straddling a not very lifelike looking pre posed mannequin.

12:30 am November, 22 DarkSock said...

You could throw a PIG through her fucking URETHRA!!!

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Drunks.

11:43 am November, 22 HarryPalmerBag said...

It was not global warming that caused Hurricane Sandy’s wrath to lay waste to the east coast. God was trying to rinse all the douche and bleeth that has blighted the beauty of his creation. Snooki and PaulieDouche bear the blame…. And the gays, of course.

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