Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Douchiest Pepsi: Alissa's Pepsi Challenge

DouchiestPepsi

Affliction taint of barely-legal-hott for the Peptragedy.

# posted by douchebag1
7:30 pm December, 12 The Dude said...

My hip fetish has returned.

7:31 pm December, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

That nipple STILL is outstanding!!

8:35 pm December, 12 DarkSock said...

Gnaw-worthy Hip Protrusion, marred by having it and close cousin Mons Pubis feyly pattered upon by Mr. Pepsi Zero here.
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Bra could crush them both.
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Brah?
Brah!!!

8:37 pm December, 12 DarkSock said...

I’d party down with Brah.

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There. I said it.

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Bros.

8:59 pm December, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Well, it seems my gmail got hacked and I can’t even get into it. Yikes. I would have done something for this list earlier, but I had a stack of grading to get done. So, here’s my contribution:

Guggenheim Award:

Friday, August 31, 2012, Friday Haiku

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/FridayHaiku2.jpeg

It’s fairly well composed, which is a welcome relief. But what makes it museum worthy is the Diane Arbus quality of the image, a kind of brutalism provided by the flash on the camera. What was alluring in the shadows of a nightclub is flattened and revealed in the bright light. His look of disengagement, her look of distrust and dimwittedness are the focus. This is a couple who are not a couple. They despise each other as much as they despise themselves. They both have stupid looking hair, and their hair is only matched by the dumb looks on their faces. They are clearly in some cheesy shithole of a club, and are not having a good time. She’s drinking white wine (because red wine gives her headaches) and he’s been drinking cheap beer all night. Her fake rack and hair extensions teased up into a beehive, if the bees were smoking chronic and listening to Cosmic Thang, reveal her to be as mucha wannabe as the douchenozzle next to her.

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The miracle, and art, of this photo is that it brings out their tawdry incompetence as human beings. They are failures. At the same time, because we are looking at them, we can only project some of our own inadequacies on them. Why didn’t he marry Anne with the Blue SIlk Blouse? Why WHY? Because he’s a fucking idiot. And Bleeth here is no better. Her sister is sitting her three year old – she knows Blondie needs a night out – she loves the night life and needs some Ak-shawn. And who does she hook up with? Fwippy Douchenazi with the 1000 mile stare in his dead pallid eyes.

We are left to wonder – did she fuck him? Did he ever respond to a question with an answer other than “Grooo?” This photo leaves much unknown and unsettled and is unsettling for that reason. This is a photo of the abyss as understood in the lives of the commonplace. You are looking at the end of civilisation, in the dull soulless stare of a fwippy douchebag and the self-hating misery of a woman with serious esteem issues – all of it captured, and even amplified, by the means and quality of the photography.

2:17 am December, 13 Stephanie said...

I’m pretty sure he stuck that can up his ass,that’s why he looks that way. Yes,a spatula,some KY and the can. He’s holding on to that can for dear life.

4:11 am December, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Tastes like teen spirit and cherry flavored antacids. Cute chick but that’s the face of a future chunker. So let it be written.

5:37 am December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Oh Alyssa of hip reveal and excited nipples, I know you are thinking of me when you stand by him. I’d like to wipe my pee-dewed cock tip on you erect post-pubescent? nipples and lick your bung before you cover me with your golden apple-juice tasting liquid and solid excretions you little minx. Son. I love me some hip baring erect-nippled teen spinner at the rate of $250.00 an hour. $450.00 for interactive bisexual duos/ inc. rimming.

7:28 am December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Without Alissa’s hip PepsiDouche would be relegated to the scrap heap of douchedom..

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@ Rev I know somebody who had the crap transplant procedure. It worked. And by worked I mean the story made me sick to my stomach.

8:58 am December, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I think the Germans perfected that operation, only they call it scheisse pornografisch, and they meticulously document each operation on video.

9:29 am December, 13 skrag2112 said...

Sales of Coca Cola shot up 150% when this picture was posted.

9:46 am December, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

The Rev is on fire with his prose. On fire I says.

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If there is an award for hottest underage hott who causes us to have illegal and immoral thoughts. Allissa wins.

12:09 pm December, 13 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Nip to Hip ratio is just about perfect.

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