Thursday, December 13, 2012

Herpsteriest Herpster: Braden the Metalworker

While we saw many annoying Herpster douches over the past year, such as Mitch Dillon, Herpster Van, The Tablecloth, The Casios, The Sci-Fi Poobags, the PBR Handlebar, The Pornstache, The Scarfsters, and more PBR Herpsterbaggery, none were more annoying than this handlebar supporting Williamsburg/Silverlake mutant rectal scratch. From September’s thoughts and links, Braden was the worst. Far and away.

Working in his metal shop, Braden likes to cut reclaimed sheet metal into lawn art aardvarks, which he sells on Etsy for $29.99 each (plus shipping and handling).

And Skinny Katharine is a tasty real-world treat that we should all appreciate. With pooch spackle butt pokey prodd.

# posted by douchebag1
7:39 am December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Being that today is the day after Frank Sinatra’s birthday let’s all wish Braden the Metalworker a nice punch in the friggin’ mug.

8:38 am December, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Good call DB1, Herpsterbaggery is a vile blight and for some unknown reason has been running wild in my neck of the woods lately. Their smug, self aware, I’m better then you cause I care, attitude drives me nuts. What really gets me though is the quality of hott they pull. It makes want to not bathe, go to the local Goodwill for a new wardrobe, buy a fixie, and purchase some Serge Gainsbourg on vinyl just for the slight chance I might get to impress Ilyana, as seen above, enough to let me rub up against her succulent naturals if only for a few seconds.

8:51 am December, 13 Tits McGee said...

PBR started making a lot money off of this hipster phase in the late aughts, and relocated to LA in 2010. Hipsters don’t know that because all hipsters know is the name of every band you’ve never heard of. In Chicago, there are a lotta hipsters and a still a lot of PBR. It’s a bad combination which often leads to pictures like this one. I was upset to see herpsters flourish in great numbers, but content with the proportionate level of mock they got on this site this year. Lets hope this fad dies quicker than a PBR buzz.

9:02 am December, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Skinny /= lanky, graceless awkwardness. That raf-face leprechaun can have her. Friggin gingers.

9:38 am December, 13 Vin J Douchal said...

Beeeeerrrr……… >>>>>Burp<<<<

9:43 am December, 13 Dickie Fingers said...

SK, ferrets don’t make good pets and you have clearly overfed this one.

10:08 am December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Are Tattoos Still Cool?

10:24 am December, 13 The Dude said...

What a nice looking gal that Katharine is standing next to the toadstool.

10:30 am December, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Vin, if you hike into the deepest recesses of Borneo, join a shark cult, and fast for 4 days while a tribal elder taps a shark tooth into the skin of your back until the stylized avatar of Barong the lion-headed god emerges… then you have a cool tattoo. The jury is still out on everything else.

10:46 am December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

While watching Vin’s Gary Clark Jr. good shit, the increasingly attractive and weight- losing Queen “The Mrs. Reverend Chad Kroeger” wanted me to listen to these rocking hipsters of whom I haven’t heard. I think this guy would say they were mainstream. Are these guys cool or not? I’m old and stoned and giving myself a fecal transpant before I take a cab to get vodka, cause I’m drinking till January. Sons.

.

Drunks

.

Live from Vin’s Recording Studio the band I heard of this morning, The Black Keys?

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k8es2BNloE

.

Son

10:54 am December, 13 Ich verstehe sie ist heiß said...

“Shark cult” made me giggle so hard I peed a little bit.

.

My neighborhood is full of these people. I can’t really hate them because they are just so harmless on their little bikes. I definitely prefer the hipster plague to the Hardy/Affliction epidemic that almost wiped out Southern California in the mid-aughts. My biggest fear is what will replace the hipsters after the trend wanes; now that they have been lampooned on the Simpsons, the movement has clearly past its sell-by-date. Perhaps there will be a blooming of wild-west cowboy fetishists or make-believe superheroes.

10:56 am December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck I hate the Canada Revenue Agency. I’m gonna go all “Free Man On The Land” on the fuckers.

.

Peers

12:03 pm December, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

You know you like to get your party on when you take a cab to get vodka. I for one can appreciate that.

12:07 pm December, 13 hermit said...

That chick has an uncanny resemblance to Harpo Marx.

12:59 pm December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I hate farging sitting through 30-second commercials to watch a video on YouTube. My New Year’s Resolution (another thing I farging hate) is to not never watch a commercial on YouTube.

.

That being said, The Black Keys and all a these other Alt groups have been co-opted and are not at all Alt, but mainstream. My eldest son, Primo Wallnuts, tole me to check out one a these Alt stations on Pandora, and all a the songs was from commercials I seen on TV. You ain’t Alt when Microsoft is usin your tune as their jingle. Jingle, I says.

1:03 pm December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Oh, and this dame is your typical Park Slope/Brooklyn Heights Jewess who’s daddy foots the bill for her apartment because the job she has at the gallery in Soho don’t pay enough for her train fare. She’ll date these poor goyim hipsters until she finds a nice jewish boychik who works on Wall Street and she’ll buy her clothes at Lulu Lemon, Neiman, Saks, and all a the other fancy places she now eschews. Eschews, I says.

1:05 pm December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

And one more thing. The Who fucking rocked it last night at the 12/12/12 benefit.

1:54 pm December, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Wallnuts, how come the jewish babes in Israel look like actual babes, but the ones from the boroughs look like Howard Stern in a dress? I think the Israelis are pulling a fast one on us like when the switch the diamond you paid for with one of a lower grade.

2:00 pm December, 13 DarkSock said...

I’d hit it.

.

His soulless face and her Mons Pubis.

.

Skinnies.

7:27 pm December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Jew broads in Israel is tough, and tough is Hott. Over here they is soft and spoiled like a bad Avocado.

10:25 pm December, 13 Stephanie said...

What crawled from under the Blarney Stone for 400, Alex?

6:29 am December, 14 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

When one dons a muscle shirt, should they have some muscle? Discuss

4:27 pm December, 14 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

If I was in church, getting married, and this guy was in the front row…. I would still have to smack him.

.

I don’t know why, but he makes me angry. I hope his mom is proud, she should of used her head instead.

.

ASvB

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 9 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)