Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!

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I may not be a Christian, but some of my best friends and at least 40% of my ex-girlfriends are. So let me wish all of you who celebrate Christmas a very Merry Christmas!

May your stockings be full of pear, and may douchebags be roasting on an open fire.

I will be enjoying a tasty meal of Chinese food and dip dangerously into my stash of tasty Hostess HoHos.

# posted by douchebag1
7:15 am December, 25 Ted Brogan said...

Cheers, DB1!

I love how not a single other person is dressed like an idiot here. Also, flotation devices.

7:53 am December, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Your Christian enough for me you sneaky Jew. What I’s like to know is why the fuck Santa killed Quincy M.E, AKA Oscar. AKA Jack Klugman last night. Fuck you Santa you anti-semite cocksucker. Hannukah Harry you drunk fucker you should have been watching out for the tribesman you lazy piece of shit. The drunkeness will proceed forthwith with a nice doobie before the Catholic gluttony commences,

.

Merry Christmas you degenerates.

7:55 am December, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

If your a fan of naughty Jewess’s (Much Respect), and who isn’t, today is could be your day. You see a lot of them are self loathing and during this time of year feel left out & lonely. Start at your local Chinese food establishment hopefully one with a nice sized bar. At this point you can start pin pointing the potential. It’s also key that you know which establishments are open Christmas Night. Hopefully you can persuade them to ditch the folks after dinner and then convince them that a lot of people are in town for the holidays and a bunch of us are meeting up for drinks later. Trust me the bar will be packed with all sorts of lonely types, despondent singles, etc;. At this point it’s on and here’s hoping you can close the deal.

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I’ll have the #69 and a Tsingtao please

8:42 am December, 25 Douchble Helix said...

Not much I can add after those three!

.

Get some!

9:00 am December, 25 Peter said...

Jugs!

9:26 am December, 25 Hermit said...

Send some of those despondent singles my way Et tu. I’m sitting here eating stale cheetos and drinking instant coffee watching my dog lick his penis.

Oscar and Felix were gay when it was still hip and chic.

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Santa’s a pervert.

Ho, Ho Hooooaaaarrrrghhhzzz…

9:31 am December, 25 The Dude said...

John Cusack sure can pull cans on the 2013 Merry Globes! Three Christmas wishes knocked out there, and a buncha Baby Santa/Jesus material that can actually wash out quite easily, so don’t worry, busty elf!

12:29 pm December, 25 Rev Chad on his way to dinner said...

I may be involved in some legitimate rape with my cancer stricken cousin tonight. What has she got to lose?

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Sickos

1:56 pm December, 25 Troy Tempest said...

awesome work, there, Hermit!

3:19 pm December, 25 Guid is Good said...

Possibly illegal pseudo Maria Carey’s new single “Deck the Halls with Jugs of Jolly” was making a solid debut.

3:45 pm December, 25 Wheezer said...

Wondrous jugs and Hermit’s prose – all in all, a fine Christmas! Despite the thigh-high wearing twatbag, of course…..

5:13 pm December, 25 boosh dag said...

I don’t know. She’s chestilicioso, but he seems, despite the thigh-highs, more notta than douche to me. No real signifiers other than the hott.

7:05 pm December, 25 The Dude said...

boosh, consider the oversized watch, the subtle flexing of his bicep. Two drinks from now, he’s all duck lips and pseudo-gangnam style.

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If he’s notta, he’s leaning off the precipice.

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We did establish that costuming does not make for auto-notta, correct?

7:08 pm December, 25 The Dude said...

boosh, consider the oversized watch, the subtle flexing of his bicep. Two drinks from now, he’s all duck lips and Gangnam style.

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If he’s notta, he’s leaning off the precipice.

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We did establish that costuming does not make for auto-notta, correct?

7:08 pm December, 25 The Dude said...

I seem to be repeating myself.

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I seem to be repeating myself.

8:25 pm December, 25 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d deck her boobs with loads of jism. Fa-la-la-la,la-la-la-la.

11:16 pm December, 25 DarkSock said...

I’d put my creme filling on that Hostess’s Ho-Ho’s.

1:20 am December, 26 The Dude said...

Cusack is giving himself a boob press! Instead of her!!

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Subtleteats

4:39 am December, 26 Tattsiana Groinshavia said...

I’ve had all the Christmas ham, turkey, and pudding I can eat. But I haven’t feasted on a proper Christmas pear yet…

http://data.whicdn.com/images/45189521/tumblr_mdp8z3Cg5s1rfcyx5o1_1280_large.jpg

6:51 am December, 26 Ted Brogan said...

Does Cusack have jaundice? Or is that his makeup?

10:07 am December, 26 Troy Tempest said...

Today, my father, Gerry Anderson, died. He transformed me from a piece of pine in the garage into the puppet I am today. Even if he modelled me after a young James Garner, he modelled my first true love, Aquamarina, after Bridget Bardot.

For those wondering, Aquamarina’s doing well. She nearly died a while back from a blood disorder, but she is healtheir and happier than ever. Here’s some video of me singing to Aquamarina.

To your memory, Gerry. Thunderbirds Are Go! to your funeral. They, Captain Scarlet and I are your pall bearers. Thank you Gerry. Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iULyLwvV-A

10:14 am December, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmm…… Belated Proper Christmas Pear

11:32 am December, 26 The Dude said...

Pear Ballers

11:44 am December, 26 jonezy said...

Did someone say Mammy Christmas?

.

My first thought after seeing those was definitely “Jesus Christ!” so call me Christian I guess

11:50 am December, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

Is it me or is anyone else curious as to what kind of shenanigans The Rev got himself into last night?

12:58 pm December, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Thunderbirds are on Crackle, 52 minutes, uncut.

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Yes! What scrapes and misadventures did The Rev get hisself into?

1:47 pm December, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

In honor of Gerry A….

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K9rVRuehGU

1:50 pm December, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

By the way, rumor has it Norman Fell banged Lady Penelope.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwNbuMCAsSE

2:53 pm December, 26 creature said...

happy boxing day

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servants

4:42 pm December, 26 creature said...

I would dress like that daily if I could turn Chestarella into my personal sex toilet

5:03 pm December, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

What’s the scoop on Robert Goulet?

5:43 pm December, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Hey, DW, got any Klugman or Durning stories?

.

How about Eli Wallach? That sonofagun is still alive!

6:46 pm December, 26 The Dude said...

Or Dike Van Dycck.

8:21 pm December, 26 creature said...

…what’s the deal with Zero Mostel?

12:12 am December, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I hope Troy gets through the Creator death. But the real fucking problem these days is that fucking Maroon Fiver, Adele and Rihanna. Do they really need another contrived song written on logistics and gullibility of preteens to dictate to so they can use fucking crap with their iPods, iPhoned, IPads and shit fucking while the economy ruiners. I don’t know how any of that shit works but an old fucking ringed binder keeps notes for me. If any of you guys know how to stop the internet please let me know. My fucking Encyclopaedia Brittaniica updates don’t fucking pay for themselves. Unlike my nieces’ pants you gotta light sa fire to open the fly of the Machine’s corporate malfeasance. I’d tell more but the Guy Fieri gay telecom mafia is hanging around since I complained to a nurse that the Amoxicillin wasn’t working. The national police may be here soon but I won’t. Fuck you Machine!.

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Girls with shaky pancreas are awesome fucks as they’re first cousins or more distant relatives to the best of your knowlege. Whast the fuck is wrong with that you fuckers, she won’t live to the birth so I don’t fivking vsare care cause her Kegels will keep the evil offspring from the Thalidamide birthing. Kesha is ruining the brains of milllions of fine young ladies who choose between the Holy Trinity 0f Jesus, whoredom, and drunkeness.

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Awesomw 73 hour bender bunt I have to go puke before I sleep. Perchance to dream of this coming Sundays hooker threesome this /Sundayu, Fuck the bitches youj m eet everyday ans eat a high class chick. I think the Mrs. just woke up and I have some diarrhea to eliminate.

Fucking Quincy gone so fast. I will hold him dearly in my memories. And ny memories I mean when I shit or puke the gay fucker. Son.

12:44 am December, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Those girls have nice legs. Paid for the extra hot peppers I ate last night with bloddy dairrhea and a strained esophagus. But like Pagliaro said in his famouf tomes.” Some sing, some dance, I love rocking romance, I love to shit, even if it burns and I simultaneosly have explosive diarrhea”. Cause you gotta be back in shape for your friends. So I’m eating fatty Mulatoo (respect) Mac and Cheese till I’m bound up like like bricks for New Yeard Eve. My cousin refuses to play scat games with the Mrs. and myself when we have explosive diarrhea. So we’re going to Boston to find a Quahog diarrhea expert to stuff her ass with laxatives so I can legally fuck the shit out of her with my giant penis while watching Buddy Guy die from heat prostation at a Great White concert. /

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Pardon Me. The dog and I have runbling colons. Son.

2:39 am December, 27 Douchble Helix said...

Awe-some!

4:01 am December, 27 The Dude said...

“Bound up like bricks.” Thanks for the – wtf? Good fuk’n god, now I can’t stop laughing!

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Chadnam Style

5:57 am December, 27 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I have great Klugman/Randall stories…Will share as time goes by. They were great at tag-teaming broads, though. They double-teamed every broad that ever appeared on that show. Especially Joan Hotchkiss and Elenor Donohue, the two dames that was on the show the most over the 5 years. Randall loved to wad in the chick’s hair while Jack was a backdoor man. Once in a while his ex, Brett Somers Klugman who looked like a guy and loved chicks just as much, would get in on the fun and games.

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I can write a book about Goulet…

7:35 am December, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

I have no idea what the Rev just said yet it’s intriguing and I likes it.

6:13 pm January, 2 JustMC said...

I haven’t seen an innocent smile that dirty since the chick with Sleepy Jerkenstein, when he came down off Skullcrusher Mountain to work with Fred Durst.

1:41 am January, 3 Stephanie said...

Happy Holidays,thanks,I know I don’t matter much on this site,but I don’t want a pear in my stocking. Being the only chick here,is tough. And you scared the other girl away. Where did she go,anyways?

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