Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Ask DB1: Are “Nice Guys” the new Douchebag?

YoungPeterFramptonGets Lucky————–

DB1 –

I’m assuming that you’ve seen this Tumblr.

Yes, I enjoy the mocking on a superficial level, but upon deeper reflection this phenomenon poses serious questions for ‘Bag Hunters/tresses – Can you be so anti-douche that you become autodouche?

I feel this is the fate that befell the Herpsters – they wanted to be so non-Grieco they succeeded in transcending Greico. Then they bought “portable” turntables (sorry just spent some time in Brooklyn and I still feel unclean). Same with Goth’bags – they wanted to distance themselves so far from jock assholes, they became their own subset of asshole.

Nearly every one of the guys pictured in the blog makes some anti-douchebag reference, and how they (enlightened as they are) are SO NOT douchebags. Yet the evidence doesn’t lie – douches, one and all. I propose a new “nice guy” class of Bag – the Fedorabag. Possibly the Sadsack’bag (I leave that to your editorial discretion). Just like your garden variety Vegas pool’bag, they try so hard not to suck but wind up sucking because of it. Instead of bling and tatts, they sport an “aw shucks” smile and affected self deprecation. And fedoras, apparently.

Are these guys in douche denial? Or have they run so far down the Douche ladder, they wound up at the top in some cosmic Moebius Strip of asshattery? Much like the shrinking middle class, are honest-to-god-non-douches becoming extinct?

Douche Wayne

——–

Remember Grasshopper, in one model of the universe, the shortest distance between two points is a line in the opposite direction.

EDIT: Link to “Nice Guys of OK Cupid” fixed as tumblr was taken down.

# posted by douchebag1
12:50 pm January, 16 Troy Tempest said...

Meh. Forest for trees problem here.

You want DOUCHEBAGS with HOTTTT CHIX? I’ve railed over and over and lover about the perfidious financier class who are consistently ass raping EVERYONE on the planet. And what kind of pussy do they snare? First Rate. Proof? Link Below. If you aren’t openly weeping and bashing your head against the keyboard and then rising up and screaming “I’m MADE AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” stride directly over to the fridge for a beer and begin masturbating furiously, you’re an idiot.

.

These fucking PARASITES have completely ruined the earth, and they get the REALLY high quality poon tang.

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http://www.businessinsider.com/10-nyc-financiers-and-their-ladies-2013-1

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losers. GAAAAAGGHHH!!!

1:30 pm January, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Is this guy ^ Mitch Cumsteen?

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As far as the hedge fund douches go I am unimpressed with their broads.The only thing that I felt was impressive – and from an accomplishment standpoint rather than pure looks – is the guy who bagged both Elle McPherson and Uma, even though Uma is so-so.

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Ivanka Trump is meh. The other high-end, snooty dames are more work than they are worth, and you can find thousands of women that are better looking if you walk around Manhattan on a nice weather day, or even at the Short Hills Mall.

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I was expecting much more.

1:33 pm January, 16 Douche Wayne said...

@ Troy

I’m more disturbed by the level of wealth than the level of ‘tang.

DB1 – I will now have complete and total consciousness on my deathbed, and for that I thank you.

1:49 pm January, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Do people actually use these dating websites to meet people? That smarmy jackuss Dr. Neil Clark Warren from eharmony is like a creepy old lady watching you make out in your car from behind the curtain in her front widow

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As my buddy Mike says “The best way to meet chicks is at a truck stop. You pay your money, get the hummer (with a rubber so’s you can come in her mouth) , go inside for a sausage biscuit sandwich then go home to catch the rest of the game on TV (which youse was listening to on the radio during your sauseeg session)”

.

The dudes in that OKCupid Tumblr aren’t douches, they’re clueless assholes

1:54 pm January, 16 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Troy:

That pic with Mary-Kate Olsen and that old Sarkozy dude so totally creeped me out that my penis retracted inside my torso and I was unable to enjoy looking at the other rich dudes’ babes.

.

That being said, I feel no disdain towards these wall st. boys. Vast majority are from big money families. Wealth begets wealth, born with a silver spoon thing. Nothing you can do about it. Other than laugh when they get divorced and lose half their fortunes to the ex.

2:22 pm January, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Magnum Douche P. I.

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He’s only 43 you prick. I was in kindergarten when he was born.

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@Vin

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Those Lot Lizards can give a great hummer.

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@All

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I got a $50 USD bet somebody tries to take out Obama this year.

.

Stoned Person From Canada

2:31 pm January, 16 Douche Springsteen said...

Hegelian douchalectic.

2:32 pm January, 16 Douche Springsteen said...

oops. I mean to post the above comment in the preceding thread. I blame the 3 Jamesons I had at (I mean for) lunch.

2:36 pm January, 16 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

Dear Mr. D. Wallnuts,

I love your stories however I was wondering what where these guys & dames like at the tables in the casino? Did they play the ponies & dogs? any degenerate gamblers? is it true Sammy loved Pai-Gow?

.

Did you work the set of “The Man With The Golden Arm”? IMHO Frank’s best movie?

.

What was that young, doe-eyed Mia Farrow broad like?

2:41 pm January, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

Olivier Sarkozy pawing that Olspn chick is wrong on so many levels, I wouldn’t know where to begin.

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Money & Hott Snatch goes back time immemorial yet it still irks me. It’s a constant conniving mind fuck for both parties.

3:02 pm January, 16 Bag Margera said...

I’m not gonna lie. This probably most resembles my inner bag. I took a year or so away form this website, to humble myself and learn to not feel threatened by most of the douchebags shown here. I do not want to sound like a sad sack of shit all the time, and hating on douchebags too much, can do that to you.

.

Sometimes I still have to be like “Bitch what the fffffffuck is wrrrrong with you?!?!?!?” Sleepy and Cindy are the most perfect example of a logic-defying scrotocolypse. But that could have been me on OK Cupid, if I did take further lengths to check myself.

3:41 pm January, 16 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Happy Timmy has a childhood dream come true when All-Grown-Up Cindy Lou Who drops into his lap! He can feel his Roast Beast growing! Happy Holidays, indeed!

5:53 pm January, 16 Macsorley McScrote said...

What? The kid’s drunk cousin got a little randy and jumped into his lap for a holiday picture. Hot chick, no douchebag here. Gingerkid could never score that quality of tail, unless he has a 9″ crank.

9:40 pm January, 16 Douchble Helix said...

I dunno what’s going on here, but that’s a can of Cheez Wiz on the microwave.

6:17 am January, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Anybody else notice the all to rare holy green triangle peek??

6:41 am January, 17 DarkSock said...

You know this guy was one of the shit hooks with the Olsel Twins digital counter running down to their 18th birthday:

Pedobears

7:29 am January, 17 UFO Destroyers said...

Gentlemen, meet the new Rusty for the next Vacation adventure/Old Navy commercial.

3:43 pm January, 17 Nice Girl said...

Online dating can be risky. But only IF you don’t have an exit strategy from the get go. That’s right, I said strategy.

11:31 pm January, 17 Stephanie said...

Santa and Santa’s elf should go in peace and buy some condoms. Get out of here and stop writing stupid questions.

9:46 am January, 19 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I believe in the natural world, they call this niche specialization. In this case, Douche Specialization means that scrote advantage has the highest payoff when you attempt to occupy a space first that is separate from other competitors. And thus, the Douche KIngdom grows.

9:51 am January, 19 Sir David Douchenborough said...

From the link in the comments:

If you feel that your generous nature is being taken advantage of, your nature is not so very generous to begin with

I am sorry what? Is this a new Bleeth defense or something?

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