Thursday, January 10, 2013

Ask DB1: The Redemption of The Mayerbag?

katy-perry-john-mayer-lead2FDD writes in over the holiday break with an important question:

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Subject: When’s a Douche, Not a Douche?

I have pondered the meaning of life, but the bigger question I have at the moment is: When is a Douche not a Douche? I have readily agreed with your assessments of Mayerbag, but I just saw a FB post, where he has done a very nice thing for the firefighters of a very small town in Montana, and I have not seen any bragging… (yet?).

SO, can a Douche redeem?, or can props be given to an otherwise Douche?,or is there really a Christmas (sorry) spirit that can defeat Douches for a short while?, or just WTF is going on?

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The Mayerbag could save a bus load of orphans from cascading toxic sludge while curing cancer using only zest from orange rinds and the acid residue after stomach pumping a half-drowned Rehab-soaked Lindsey Lohan, and there would still be zero freaking forgiveness for this infected ballsack’s scrotal sins.

Mayberbag is eternal ‘bag.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

# posted by douchebag1
7:31 am January, 10 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The DB1 is stern but correct. The Mayerbag has earned eternal douchetude, irrespective of any future acts or attempts to mitigate said douchetude.

7:31 am January, 10 Troy Tempest said...

Bow tie with jean jacket? Autodouche.

8:02 am January, 10 scaradouche said...

http://youtu.be/3bQnxlHZsjY

8:14 am January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

So let it be written. So let it be done.

8:25 am January, 10 Bag Margera said...

Douchebags will often espouse generosity, provided it serves their own self-interests, and when they can afford it. Successful celebubags will generally be able to afford lots of generosity, and it is pretty much expected of them. It makes them feel good about themselves, and in their own head, it justifies any douchebag behaviour.

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It’s also serves as good public relations, which Mayer could definitely use to counter the ever-increasing public knowledge of what a terrible person he really is. These firemen are actually being exploited by Mayerbag. As they put their lives on the line, Mayer contributes some jam sessions, and in turn gets the lions share of public recognition. It’s masturbatory self-gratification in it’s loftiest form.

8:50 am January, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That Katy Perry has some big breasts.

8:50 am January, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That Katy Perry has some big breasts.

9:09 am January, 10 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Harsh, but very true. No forgiveness for his douche-sins.

.

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and D-Wallnuts appears to be posting in stereo today.

9:14 am January, 10 Charles Douchewin said...

Excellent, excellent observation Bag Margera. Even the Mayerbag’s ostensible act of charity may actually be self-serving.

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But I respectfully, optimistically disagree with DB1. So long as someone’s alive, I think the possibility for change always exists.

9:27 am January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

MayerBag is one of the preeminent guitarists of the current generation. This alone offers him the opportunity to bed the preeminent beauties of the current generation.

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This is a most impressive list fellers:

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http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_1258/john-mayer/

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Douchebag? Yes, coccsman? Sadly, also yes

9:35 am January, 10 Dr. Don Keydic PHD said...

As Walt Witman said before they named a shopping mall on Long Island after him, “I am large. I contain multitudes.” I say who among us has not contemplated an old timey moustache or a barb wire tat? The seed of douchiness is in us all. We must stay vigilant, but we must not forever banish those who truly repent and by repent I mean post some nude photos of Katey’s uber tits! numnumnum.

9:40 am January, 10 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

In other news of interest, I’d like to ream and hammer Reena Hammer (in Vin D’s link) and then write a heartfelt poem about it.

9:40 am January, 10 DarkSock said...

PermaDouche.

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However Vin’s right. And both of the gigging bands I’m in, one with a (fuccen hott) female vocalist, the other male, play his song “Gravity”, which gets couples out on the dance floor rubbin’ bellies and then disappearing to the parking lot or home for the night. It even got me propositioned by a very drunk MILF (possibly GILF?) holding court at the bar by the stage who liked the way my eyes were closed during that number and wanted to take me home to “lick me like a lollipop”. (Actually my eyes were clamped shut in concentration because “Gravity” was the last song of the set, and I had to let those 5 beers I pounded during the prior break back into the urinal recycler, so I was just clamping my prostate. But she was crazy-eyed and drunk enough to wake up the next morning screaming rape, so I politely declined her invitation to auger her love furrow at that particular time).

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So, J.M.B. serves that purpose at least. To make folk want to bump uglies.

9:50 am January, 10 Dr. Don Keydic PHD said...

Please share your fav Kate tit

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HcFgwNJDlv0/T4NbKIbWScI/AAAAAAAAEVw/OoZIgIm80bs/s1600/Katy_Perry_breast.jpg

10:08 am January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Mayer’s Epic Crossroads moment prior to going full Douche:

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He’s wearing two Izod shirts, collarz b popped.

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Four minutes of impressive blues farting around intro

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Full band backing up his best composition ever

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Virtuoso licks with acompanying bitter blues faces

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Finally the song

.

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It was in 2004 . May I suggest that maybe he peaked too soon?

10:09 am January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

The video : Here

10:17 am January, 10 jonezy said...

Bam said it right. Either we hear about some teenage Wyoming broad from that town delivering his seed in 9 months or he pays her off to keep it quiet. He’s doing the show so he can get pussy and publicity for doing something that is perceived as selfless.

10:21 am January, 10 Dr. Don Keydic PHD said...

I dont get it why is anyone talking about him when Kate has those great tits to discuss. Man I’d love to motorboat her so hard while Walnuts watched and waited for the Cialis to kick in.

10:29 am January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck John Meyer and Katy Perry. Vanessa Carleton gives me a Renob. But the fucking problem with kids these days is they are adoring these celebrities as gods when they should be praying to G_d to save those 9 killer whales stuck in the ice in Hudson Bay. Fuck you Al Gore,. Muslim newspapers, bastard. Global warming fuck you. Whales stuck this early in the winter disproves fucking you Global Warming Cartel Industrial Complex. Ima get my chainsaw warmed up and go save those fucking Whales Of The Ice Age. Son. Then I’m gonna go south and get Gore. If I get Gore dead will the interwhebs disappear. Fuck.

10:31 am January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Whales Of The Ice Age is my new band name, if I was in a band.

11:35 am January, 10 douche equis said...

Oh sure like I don’t know what’s going on.

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The last time John Mayer came up in a big way on here I went on at some length defending his sense of humor, saying that what y’all were flaying him alive for sounded remarkably like something that’d be said on here, and that the criticism was inappropriate.

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So like I don’t know this is some sort of setup intended to get me to come out in my defend-Mayer crouch again. Don’t think I don’t know it. But . . . Sorry to disappoint, I ain’t leapin’ back in.

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‘Cept to say, y’all’s just jealous.

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Jealous, I say.

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Son.

2:23 pm January, 10 Scrotewank Jones and the furry furry Douchetrots said...

Deep breath……The Mayerbag is very good friends with a lot of stand up comedians. Not California-quasi hipster-I think weed jokes are still funny-let’s attack Christians and Republicans to be edgy funny-California stand up….kind of funny, but real comedians. He occasionally strolls in to the Comedy Cellar in New York, which is where all the great east coast comics make their bones, and does a few minutes on stage. I just want to point out how hard this is, and how much pressure there is on anyone to do that, especially when you are a douchey sex symbol surrounded by real funny talent. I have to kind of give him not-a-douche pass. And I am really drunk right now.

7:07 pm January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

Not so fast, Dr. Don…

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http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/4436/article2187596148669110.jpg

7:09 pm January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

What’s that? That’s not her?

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http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/4696/article2187596148633740.jpg

7:10 pm January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

Goddammit!!!

7:16 pm January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

Let’s see if I tricked ‘em…

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http://img845.imageshack.us/img845/7554/secretstuff.jpg

8:00 pm January, 10 Billy The Scrote said...

MAYERBAG DESERVES NO REDEMPTION, HE WILL FOREVER BE A TOP 5 BAG UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

8:53 am January, 11 Douche Wayne said...

That’s tough but fair.

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