Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Ask the Reverend

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Q. Dear Reverend Chad, are Canadian chicks easier than American chicks? Pearce “Ma” Nipples III.

A. French Canadian girls are more promiscuous than American chicks cause they are all stoned and bi-sexual,Son. I don’t know personally about the American chicks cause my member was always well groomed by the chicks I rolled with and the sacred Mrs. Kroeger and Quebec teenage hookers I cheat on her with on the bias. Bobs. All chicks I grooved were drunk and stoned, cause that’s the way I rock. Son.

Q. Dear Reverend Chadster, what do you think about having relations with a girl in menses? In Canada? Wiping locations? Hugh Wypter

A. I always said, ‘ If a woman can’t stand the smell of ya from working to provide dinner for the family.. then that woman’s going out to work. Son

Q: Dear Reverend Chad, I got these two dead clowns I gotta get rid of. Antoniso Prano.

A: Dude. I’m not getting complicit. Watch the fifth season of Criminal Minds. And tanning fluids. From a tanner. Like lye and rotted dog urine. Not orange. A bit of HCL if ya got a bit by the pool.

# posted by Erich von Broheim
3:54 pm January, 29 Bag Margera said...

Translation for Americans:

“member” = I guarantee it’s the most conservative word for “cock” you’ve ever heard in your life.

“grooved” = Opening up a groove between a woman’s legs with said member.

“rock” = the way one spends his time, while floating around on this giant rock in space.

“tanner” = This word was widely used to describe someone who treats animal skins to produce leather, before it was co-opted by douchebags, who turn their own skin into leather.

4:05 pm January, 29 Bag Margera said...

“French Canadian” – I’m sorry, we don’t even have a definition for whatever this is. It’s just something we say when regarding people we don’t understand.

4:24 pm January, 29 Douchble Helix said...

DB1 should post the unedited version with these here comments.

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‘Cause The Rev didn’t write “member”.

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Johnsons

5:50 pm January, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Dear Rev. Chad, what’s the best way to convince a Canadian girl to play a few bars on the rusty trombone?

5:57 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Self Image of every douchebag EVER:

5:58 pm January, 29 The Dude said...

I sure hope tube tops come back into vogue.

6:00 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

@ Dude McCrudeshoes:

.

Just ask

6:06 pm January, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Not true, Bag. Used to be all the strippers and paid-to-party girls were French Canadian. Life was good and all the children were born fair haired and with monster cocks. Then Reagan tore down the wall and Russian mobsters took over Canada and they imported their Russian and Ukrainian strippers and party girls, and they were as mean and cynical as they were hot. That was called Paris Stroika.

6:08 pm January, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Sock, I was hoping for some subterfuge. But I could try it your way.

6:13 pm January, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Another fun-filled Q&A session this week and props to Mr.Sock for getting DB1 through his diabetic coma. And by coma, I mean he was hungover on the Night Train. So drunk I heard that he needed antifreeze to cut his buzz. Now, I don’t know what Night Train is, but I assume it has the similar effect and consequences as Bright’s 57 Port here in the Great White North. Who’s hyped for the Superbowl? Not me. Cause all of my flock come over and smoke all my weed and drink my booze and the Giants are long gone. But for now I have a nice buzz cruising in my veins like a young Gary Coleman.

Q. Dear Reverend Chad, did you use booze or weed in the pursuit of the better sex’s goobily bits? Are Canadian chicks easier than American chicks? Where in Canada are the Temples of Syrinx? Thanks for considering my questions. Pearce “Ma” Nipples III.

A. Excellent questions Pearce! Let me first state that the Temples of Syrinx are in the mind, man. Deep in the mind like that time you heard your Grandma ask your mother if you were just a little bit effeminate cause of the listening to RUSH and playing with the Big Jim Camper set instead of putting poker cards on your wheels and driving your bicycle with the other boys. And why were you always playing with girls when you were 5 years old? I’ll teel ya why, cause you were hung to treat the ladies to a show from a young age. Playing with the boys leads to circle jerks and that leads somewhere not in my wheelhouse. Playing with the chicks leads to drinking with the chicks and a little bit of rubbing and feeling if ya got my drifts. Then your buddy Carl shows you the ways of the reefer and the world is your hamster. The girls already know they can trust you so your 14 year old ass finds the booze no matter what it took. Suck it SuperBad (respect). With some booze and reefer and a couple of your feely chick friends and you are gold,Son. Play a little Bob Springsteen while looking at stars on a hazy day through the city’s aerosol effluent. So it goes like this and works as an adult too. You have some drinks to loosen em up. You get the real good weed like my weed. Last girl to not pass out is your uncle kind of like when Tsun Tsu wrote ” Ask not what you can do for you country, ask what your country’s chicks can do for your penis.” And so it goes eternally that a long time ago, in a wood panelled basement far, far, away, you get your pinky in the stinky ,Son. French Canadian girls are more promiscuous than American chicks cause they are all stoned and bi-sexual,Son. I don’t know personally about the American chicks cause my member was always well groomed by the chicks I rolled with and the sacred Mrs. Kroeger and Quebec teenage hookers I cheat on her with on the bias. Bobs. All chicks I grooved were drunk and stoned, cause that’s the way I rock. Son.

Q. Dear Reverend Chadster, what do you think about having relations with a girl in menses? In Canada? Wiping locations? Hugh Wypter

A. Thanks for the question Hugh. Funny how the crackling contraction of aluminum and copper flashing around the house rings through like a cacophony of hard driving rock music. 20 some degrees below zero, Canadian counting rules. is pretty cold when you never wear pants and go long boarding on salt and sand covered buckling infrastructure. Son. I think it’s playing Whole Lotta Love On You. I’m only thinking that cause a the wife is playing it all that time cause we’se going to see them There is a full moon with a rainbowed halo around it in the frozen mist of the land…….Blow one in toer righteously like when the huge brother in The Green Mile sucked the prostate infection out of Tom Hanks unit son and goy the cornbread. to answer your questions in sequence…………..Yes. More often cause it’s cold. Drapes. Duid I mention I have a new favorite weed Sons. A mutant strain of Purple Kush is awesome. I always said, ‘ If a woman can’t stand the smell of ya from working to provide dinner for the family.. then that woman’s going out to work. Son

Q: Dear Reverend Chad, I got these two dead clowns I gotta get rid of. Antoniso Prano.

A: Dude. I’m not getting complicit. Watch the fifth season of Criminal Minds. And tanning fluids. From a tanner. Like lye and rotted dog urine. Not orange. A bit of HCL if ya got a bit by the pool. Have a nice week Paisans, I gotta go take my nerve tonic!

.

Son.

6:54 pm January, 29 Bag Margera said...

Lizzen, you horndogs want to fuck a Canadian chick, just say you’re American. When we want to fuck an American chick we just say were Canadian. There isn’t much to it, other than the grass might be greener from the other side, and they won’t know for sure until they’ve tried.

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P.S. The grass is always greener in Canada, Son.

8:01 pm January, 29 The Dude said...

I sure hope tittyfucking busty teens in tube tops comes back into vogue.

8:28 pm January, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Dear Rev

Did this woman really try to kill her husband, or could it simply be that she is Canadian?

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http://gawker.com/5979655/weird-smell-saves-man-from-poison-embedded-in-wifes-private-parts?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

9:08 pm January, 29 The Dude said...

e-Nads!!

7:09 am January, 30 DarkSock said...

Looks like I picked the right week to resume sniffing glue.

7:12 am January, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Candy stripe tube top girls slight panty reveal tease is right on.

9:32 am January, 30 Confused Douche said...

dear Rev,

I like to consider myself a nottadouche. however heres my problem…I like nailing hot chics. alot. I nail alot of notts (everyone needs a slumpbuster or three) but i want to nail more hotts than notts. I find that the hotts just want to nail the biggest d-bag possible. The Notts or the other hand just want attention and i doesn’t matter from whom. Is this how canadian women are? I find myself pondering the tranformation into doucheiness for the want of high quality poon. Should I transgress for the Hott or stay put for the Nott?

3:38 pm January, 31 Bag Margera said...

@Confused

That is how women are. The only difference between Canadian and American women is Americans like ice cubes during foreplay. Canadians are like “fuck that shit, we’re fucking to keep warm.”

5:45 am February, 1 Justadouchalo said...

The proper way to dispose of a dead clown or two: http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/1998-03-23/index-1.gif

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