Bob The Heaping Pile of Taint Has a Conversation with Ashley
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Yo.”
Ashley: “Hey.”
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Dis DJ is off the chain!”
Ashley: “I love dubstep!”
(crickets)
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “(mumbling)”
Ashley: “Did you ask me if I wanted a butt plug prime?”
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Bud Light Lime! I asked if you wanted a Bud Light Lime! Damn womin, fogets it.”
Ashley: “(giggling) sure!”
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Fo’ realz?”
Ashley: “You’re treating me, right?”
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Heellz yeah, girl! I treat you with my fine cash my moms gave me this morning!”
Ashley: “Sweet!”
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Bud Light Lime gets all the bitches.”
(crickets)
Ashey: “So… you wanna go get it now?”
Bob the Heaping Pile of Taint: “Can I borrow ten bucks?”
And… scene.
Mmmmm – Quart-Nav-Am hottie…
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Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue like “Quartasian” but I’m patenting it nonetheless. Royalties should start rolling in….Now.
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Now?
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Indian givers.
Largeman D’ark approves, from a safe distance. As do I
Meanwhile in the background Chet Largeman continues to tamp the mound of monkey skulls flat, still silently fuming about the one that got away…
Under the best of circumstances, a guy’s nipples are gross. Tiny nipples ramp it up a bit.
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http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=mlCiDEXuxxA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DmlCiDEXuxxA
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Don Ho’s
I was tempted to grant him a “notta-goinpeace” for what appears to be (to my untrained eye) some well thought out and beautifully executed ink. Many experienced hunters and huntresses (Medusa, I’m looking at you) have opined that it’s not the ink itself which makes the douche, but the unplanned arrangements and shitty execution which indicates asshattery. Random tatts conglomerating on an arm does not a “sleeve” make. Double true if the ink appears to be drawn by a four year old with washable marker. But B.H.P.T. here spent some real time and money on his arm. And I’m not talking about Ashley.
Then the hat, kissy face, flavor-saver, hand gestures and watch brought me back to reality. Not only is he a douche, I’m fairly confident he’s a dickhead as well.
Ashley sporting the double-sailor knot bracelets indicates a privileged background and tasteful country-club upbringing. “Behind the boathouse, I’ll show you my dark secret.”
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Connecticut Native
What the fuck does Sammy Davis Laggerman have in his left hand? It looks like Sacagawea’s big blue dildo. Sacagawea hot has drawn on eyebrows. She is deducted a point.
This schlub asks me if I want my windows tinted everytime I go to the car wash. No , douche, no
Jackie Mehoff
Ann Nalingus
Asstue Mouth
Boo Kockee
Dawn Onmee
Sea menbreath
Rima Jobb
Dickie Guzinya
This schlub asks me if I want to supersize it every time I go into a fast food joint
This schlub asks me for a dollar every time I leave a bodega in Queens.
This schlub asks the officer what he was doing wrong when he is playing with himself in front of a all boys junior high.
This picture disheartens me. I love me the brunette spinners. I had a date with a pro spinner yesterday at 10 am. A high class broad who you text 20 minutes or so before to get the room number. So I pops a full strength Cialis. No Contact. Noon comes and I’m running out of time. She calls me to say her alarm didn’t go off and she was checking out but she’d be back in a few weeks and give me a free hour on top of the paid hour and was gonna do that thing with my ass, balls, and taint again. I scratched my cock at the same time and had an erection until after the kids went to bed. You can go at least 8 hours with a priapism and get off. Got another bone on this morning from wiping my ass.
Lubie Ricate
This schlub asks himself was it really worth paying for the tats on his credit card after receiving a collection notice while laying on his futon in his mom’s basement.
Don Keydic
Good fkn grief Vin, that’s no small trickle of genius.
A hott chick with a nice little pooch
Parties on with the neighborhood Chooch
But the romance was squashed
Dad put on the kibosh
So those fingers don’t smell like biznooch
Jen Italia
Onya Knob
Clint Taurus
Ari Ola
Cli Toralhood
Finn Gerbang
Shav D’Pouseé
Doubley Penn-O’Tration
@ DSock, I prefer Squawparts
…as opposed to RedskinRod, ofcourse
Alternate conversation:
BHPT: Yo homey my sweetie here will make you feel nice.
Guy: What?
BHPT: fitty bucks she’s all yours
Ashley: What the fuck Todd
BHPT: We outta cash- gotta make some to keep the party roling.
Ashley: I’m your sister!!
BHPT: Yeah and that is why you need to help out bitch
Guy: Hey asshole why don’t you sell yourself if you need the money
BHPT: Duuuude, how do you think I paid the cover-but at 5 bucks a shot there’s only so much I can do.
I’m going to start inserting “fo realz” into conversations to gain some street cred.
^ Fo realz
Hepa Titus See
Douche in the pic is so stupid that he thinks if he keeps running his two wet fingers around her cups that she “sing” like a wine glass.
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Fo realz. (I’m just tryin’ it out too Hermit. Peace out, yo!)
Colonel Angus
Harry Balsogna
Ben Dover
Phil McCracken
A couple of mouth breathers that you can just exchange for two more you posted three days ago. Does everyone just look the same? Douchebags are thee most boring copycats I’ve ever seen.