Friday, January 18, 2013

Friday Thoughts and Links

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— Insert standard hookah/hooker joke here —

Nice hair, Vazquez. May all your tacos be taint.

So, yeah.

HCwDB’s rocky journey into the future continues. Bumps and crashes. Bumps and crashes.

Kinda like when I snuck into the Limelight as a teenager in NYC in the early 1990s and unsuccessfully hit on a sexy Long Island princess while “Groove is in the Heart” was spun by the DJ. Nothing worked right after that. I blame the bubble room.

Who the hell knows where the site goes in 2013. I sure don’t know.

Is it fun anymore? Is it funny?

Do actual blogs even have relevancy in a customized scrolling world of feeds and lists?

Sheeeiiiittt..

Wells, I can always drown my sorrows in some wood grain.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Depressive DVD Pick of the Week: “Mommy? Why is Steve Guttenberg in this? I thought it was a drama?”

In Ole’ Miss, the URC races alone.

The Greatest Cotton Candy in the World.

Bagimi. No I don’t really get it either.

In groin-shaving news, Bikini Waxing Decreases Pubic Lice. So I got that going for me.

The Mayerbag is still trying to redeem himself. Still eternally damned to douche mock.

Okay. I got nothin’. So lets get to the goods:

Doughy Panda Pear

Doughy but in all the right ways. Or perhaps Poppin’ Fresh?

# posted by douchebag1
12:57 pm January, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Doughy panda pear and Bagimi are the same link…

12:57 pm January, 18 Ted Brogan said...

Don’t tease us with a broken pear link, boss!

12:59 pm January, 18 Wheezer said...

Yeah, ‘Bagimli certainly doesn’t have nice pear. I don’t think even dwarf women do. Some people even think there arrrrre no dwarf women! They believe dwarves just spring up right out of the ground—–whoops! Inner geek alert!

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So now everyone knows who sent that to the Boss…..

1:00 pm January, 18 ronniejamesdiogenes said...

That’s totally ok if it’s the same link. That shit is funny.

1:04 pm January, 18 no pear said...

no pear! NO PEAR!!!! WTF?????

1:12 pm January, 18 Wheezer said...

If anyone cares:

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“…..and my axe!”

1:14 pm January, 18 DarkSock said...

I fixed the link to doughy pear.

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Now…MAN YOUR ‘BATION STATIONS!

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whackers.

1:27 pm January, 18 ronniejamesdiogenes said...

Now that the link is working I’m thrown in to a paroxysm cognitive dissonance. The pear is so succulent my deep oral fixation can’t be denied yet if I bite the pear I would be making out with a cartoon panda. Cartoon panda.

1:34 pm January, 18 The Dude said...

…and the Panda smiles, for it covers pear.

1:49 pm January, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Limelight? Should have seen his first bar. The Aardvark. Right here in shit city where he got the insurance settlement from a lost hockey eye, started up a jeans store and sold coke out the back door to buy the Aardvark. Sold more coke and shit and started his Limelight chain. Peter Gatien’s brother is my lawyer. His sister Sheila sells real estate and gives my wife all lot of business. His other brother is an abortionist and GP with a french looking mansion on the Mighty St’ Lawrence River overlooking the Mighty Adirondack Mountains in the distant US. Crooks all of them.

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I forgot my point. Oh. The girls in his bars were way sluttier and hotter than these hot chicks. The smoke and fireworks at the end of the night were the bomb to young stoned boners. Son.

2:05 pm January, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mrs. Kroeger shaving her puss bald is what lowered the pubic lice population. Bald hooker pussy has helped as well.

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Johns

3:38 pm January, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmm…. Doughy Panda Ham Dangle™

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Cotton candy guy is alright in my book. I like people who take pride in their skill sets.

3:53 pm January, 18 Merle Baggard said...

Keep it coming DB1. Your’s is one of the only sites I like.

4:28 pm January, 18 creature said...

bunghole….it’s a great word, say it aloud

5:22 pm January, 18 The Dude said...

Don’t give up DB1 – if you do, I swear I will inhale a can of Axe Body Spray. Or maybe I’ll just attempt some boobie suckle. Not sure which, but you see the conundrum I’m facing? I promise to participate in the Friady Haiku more regularlarly.

5:46 pm January, 18 Douchble Helix said...

Pear? Beef.

6:20 pm January, 18 Troy Tempest said...

“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law, for Love is the Law, love under will.”

6:58 pm January, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

@ Rev Chad

What’s with you hosers naming bars The Aardvark, eh? As a 19-20 American whom Uncle Sam deemed fit for military service, yet not old enough to handle my drink, I would cross the river into Windsor nearly every weekend (and on most Thursdays when the Spitfires were playing at home) to get steaming drunk in the True North, strong & free. This was in the heady days of a Strong American Economy where I would order a pack of du Mauriers and a pint of Molson and hand the barmaid $20 US and then get my smokes, my beer something like $22 CDN in change. There was an absolute shithole of a bar called The Aardvark that my friends and gravitated towards because we could buy hash from the bouncer and smoke it in the bathroom and no one would bother us. We could definitely not do that in any of the bars that were full of drunk Americans under 21. So is the Aardvark a chain of bars then?

8:41 pm January, 18 Troy Tempest said...

Douche on the right has a pussy made of Walnuts named “Cribs the Crab Master”.

7:16 am January, 19 Vin J Douchal said...

My giant morning poop asked me say a little about proper wiping methods. No, sorry, giant morning poop. And I’m also not going to mention why I say ,”See ya A-Rod” as I watch you spin to your demise

8:43 am January, 19 Jesus X. Crutch said...

Self rising buns?

9:26 am January, 19 Ted Brogan said...

Oh, and boss, keep the faith with this site. If it goes away in 2013, I fear that I may perish. And I like to not die sometimes. I will re-quote my comment from the HCwDB of the year post:

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DB1, thanks for putting this all together. I owe you a black-market order of Ho-Hos and a bottle of Night Train. Your HCwDB book holds a proud place on my coffee table. I look back at the 2007 Douchies and get a little choked up about how my life has been influenced by this site over the years. And to the regulars, you know who you are, you make this site what it is.

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I meant that shit.

9:56 am January, 19 Douchble Helix said...

^^^ Pussy.

10:01 am January, 19 Reverend Chad's Remote Hotspot Location said...

@Douche Springsteen

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You question will be answered in my next column.

10:25 am January, 19 DarkSock said...

What The Boss needs right now is an infusion of primo (and even grade B) pics of Hot Chicks with Douchebags. The submittals have tapered off of late, which I take to mean that we’re winning the war.

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You fuckers that send those pics in are the unsung heroes of this site. That, and Jay Louis, who keeps this site running out of his own pocket.

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Mockers.

11:20 am January, 19 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Oh, I get it; this is an up and coming alt rock outfit that try to be a little bit different than the usual generics; perhaps they have a name like “Saharan Sierra” or whatever.

Speaking of Gatien, he tried to get a club going in Toronto called, Circa, it didn’t survive a year as it went into bankruptcy. He sometimes visit his old hometown that still lingers from the smell of pulp byproduct.

Anyway, DB, your chronicles have covered 3 presidential terms thus far and the descent of axe-filled decadence. Don’t you want to see how it all plays out?

12:11 am January, 20 DarkSock said...

I peed in a horse once.

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A horse called FATE.

11:56 am January, 20 creature said...

I rode a horse once that made a sloshing sound as it trotted & when it farted it left a jet stream of odor that smelled like Dodger stadium mens room trofts

…weird

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