Monday, January 21, 2013

Monday Crisis. And AbaCrab.

!abacrab

DarkSock here at the helm again, with ominous news.

Our hairless leader, DB1, aka Jay Louis, lies in a coma.

He was found late last night surrounded by a halo of empty Night Train bottles and what appeared to be an empty footlocker once filled with hoarded Hostess™ treats such as Ho-Hos and Twinkies. His shiftless mass was buried under a translucent shroud of shucked snack food wrappers.

He now lies in state in a Los Angeles hospital in a diabetic coma. It is not clear if this was a drunken binge or an attempt to end the crushing despair following the collapse of the corn syrup giant that until recently spewed forth such tasty treats. Given that he posted the news of the downfall of Hostess as “The End Of Joy”, he is now on suicide watch.

Until we know more, we must carry on, wayward sons. With Mock.

Take for example the dongle in the adjacent photograph, whom I’ve named “AbaCrab”.

Six pound watch, gratuitous display of his torso, which has been shorn more hairless than a fetal pig’s belly, and of course the dangerously over-siliconed girlfriend exacting endless revenge on Daddy, who cared more for SportsCenter™ than her.

What say you, faithful readers?  Dissect this crass display, as always, in the comments section.  In the meantime I shall endeavor to tirelessly comb DB1’s filthy apartment in the hopes for some sort of sign, some tiny clue, as to where he has stashed his Vicodin™.

Oh…almost forgot…Gratuitous Pear.

# posted by Bagnonymous
7:23 am January, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Word on the street is that DB1 masterbated himself into a coma whilst watching Sunday’s video. He busted an artery and a nut….

7:43 am January, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Phil Colon’s abs go all the way up to his neck.

7:46 am January, 21 Ted Brogan said...

Lumps

7:48 am January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Abacrab should be dissedted by a 12th grade biology crew. Homies.

7:57 am January, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Nice tits.

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Did you say something about a “Jay Louis”? Never heard of him.

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Say…Are we watching a coup on Inauguration Day?

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Far out!

8:02 am January, 21 Douchble Helix said...

The AVN “Red Carpet”.

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That fine line between “actress” and “whore” keeps getting narrower, and narrower.

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Except #15 is a virgin, somehow. SHUT UP!

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/20/avn-awards-ceremony-2013-photos_n_2513786.html

8:18 am January, 21 Captain Douche said...

Is it just me or does her pearl necklace resemble a pearl necklace?

8:35 am January, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Abacrab aka Kisseus Vomitorious in herpster glasses bums me out. I feel bad for DB1 and I hope he gets better soon at least we have Uncle DarkSock at the helm and by at the helm I mean there will be pear. I like how that chick has her mini Frank Mercurio around her neck cause you never know when the time is right for a little back room stimulation.

8:53 am January, 21 Douche Wayne said...

I’m no account, but those pear numbers look good to me.

10:40 am January, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

That is a pear I could wrap around my head.

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Hey ‘Sock, I’ve got two articles in the can. And by in the can I mean the toilet that is WordPress. Publish at your excretion.

11:20 am January, 21 Rev Chad said...

^Word Mr. Scrotato. I’ma send him one too. Son

12:00 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Indeed, Mr. S.H.

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I have Rev’s 3-part chunk as well. As soon as I get an interpreter I shall post it as well. Possibly in three late-night segments, with Pear chasers.

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Also some fetid finds from ETD?, caught fresh from the interwebs this very morning. Still flopping on the deck, fish slapping, if you will.

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Son.

3:34 pm January, 21 Troy Tempest said...

40 inch butt? If she’s 5ft4in, that a big fat ass. If she’s 6ft3in? Smokin…

It’s prolly a photshop job. dribble sribble blugg my mind MY MIND…

3:35 pm January, 21 Troy Tempest said...

posted to th ewrong picture. I need sleep…

12:01 am January, 22 Stephanie said...

And while he’s at it,he should photo shop a better looking head on his body.

12:50 pm January, 22 French Word for Shower said...

The veins and mottled skin on those titties makes her look like a stripper zombie from “The Walking Dead.” And not in a good way.

6:26 pm January, 22 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I see B. J. Penn’s brother is out enjoying himself after a hard exam at The European Bartender School .

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