Monday, January 21, 2013

The Undersexed World of Jacques Doucheteau: Ep. 3 The Sound of Dolphins Dying

JD

You think you had some weirdos on your bus ride? Try my daily sojourn to the CNC shop, bitch.

I worked just up the street from a pallet manufacturer that was able to get tax exempt status by hiring nothing but ‘tards – sorry, “mentally handicapped ” ‘tards – and had to ride the same bus to work as them.

Forty minutes to and from downtown everyday having to listen to a mess of gimpy bike helmet-wearing half-wits yell children’s songs out of key at the top of their lungs while spitting their Cheerio peanut butter breath all over the side of my neck.

I swear if I ever hear anyone start belting out “The Wheels of the Bus Go ‘Round and ‘Round”, including my own kid, I will tear out their toenails with vise grips and staple their genitals to their gawdamn forehead.

Meanwhile, Ed Hardy bikini sportin’ Shoshana displays her wares for Chinstrap Jason, who exudes a deep spiritualism born of his own brand of disingenuous Catholicism. Shoshana has not been keeping up with current events, and knows nothing of Netanyau’s weakened position as the centrist Yesh Atid Party picked up 19 seats in the parliamentary elections over the weekend. She’s just digging this new concealer that makes her nose look more “petite” like her Caucasian friend Sandy’s.

No it doesn’t.

Off in the distance, oohs and ahs can be heard as Smallman John demonstrates his invisible “skills.” You wanna see some funny sheit? Go to Google images and search “people coughing”. It looks like a bunch of people giving BJs to invisible snausages.

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# posted by douchebag1

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