Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark: Frank 'n The Boys

BoobStare

Legendary Douchebag Hunter and owner of this here site, DB1, asked me how Sinatra and the rest a the guys interacted with dames back in the day.

That’s a good question there, DB.

There obviously weren’t no textin’ or Internet or nothin’ like that, so the guys, for the most part, actually had ta talk to broads face to face.

Now some a the guys was real crude, but you’d be amazed by how so many dames was so star struck they’d respond to anything. Except to Rickles, as you all know by now.

One time when we was filmin’ “Ocean’s 11”  Buddy Lester tole some broad he wanted to, “Drive his bike trew her mud puddle,” and she went for it! But Sinatra would never say somethin’ like that. He’d write somethin’ like, “You are the most darling creature that I have ever seen and I would love to meet you and get to know you.”  Now he coulda been sayin’ somethin’ in Chinese or jibberish like, “Cockey moomen Hanukkah dreck,” and he still woulda got laid. But he enjoyed the seduction. Ya mean?

When he was done, he always treated dames right. Made ’em breakfast, brushed their hair, drove ’em home. That’s why you ain’t never heard a any stories from pissed off dames he banged. All the other guys would get jammed up from time to time and had ta scramble to cover their tracks. But not Frank. Not never.

I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing wrong with progress. Anyone who remembers when Hi-Fis was able to be in Stereo instead a Mono knows that progress is good. Do any a youse even know what Mono is, have you ever listened to music in Mono? Madonna mia!

Now that I think of it, I been readin’ about how vinyl records is comin’ back. I don’t know how I feel about that; records sounded good but it was a pain in the ass with the scratches and the needles and if your kids walked into the room and were jumpin’ around the friggin’ record could skip and God forbid you scratched the album and it would skip every time you played that tune. I remember buyin’ the Sinatra Live at the Sands with the Count Basie Band album and the first day I dropped the friggin’ needle on the record and made a scratch on the opening track, “Come Fly With Me,”and it ruined my week. I had to go out and lift another one.

Now me, I like the 8-track tape. I got the complete Sinatra collection on 8-track, baby. These babies can get runned over by a semi rig and not skip a beat. Of course, it sounds like you’re listenin’ to music trew a pillow.

The Twitter and the Facebook and that other thing that lets you post pictures and add comments to them, and all a the other societal media don’t make it no easier to meet and talk with dames, or anyone for that matter. People think these things represent progress and maybe in some sense they is progress, but is it really progress?

I know Dean never would a posted his spur a the moment thoughts on the Twitter or started a beef with another guy by sendin’ a Tweeter usin’ misspelled words, remoticons or whatever the fuck they’s called, and phrases like, “U suxxor, the Pack is 1337,” or “My last album pwned urs n00b! :))”

So maybe we weren’t as advanced with all a these gizmos and things, but we knew how to talk to people and how to treat ’em and weren’t hidin’ behind a cell phone or computer.

# posted by Vin Douchal
3:20 pm January, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Fucking Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:28 pm January, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

^ I’d pay a decent amount of scratch to go see DW in a smokey old time club, sitting on stage, with booze of choice in hand, regaling people with these stories. I imagine it to be in a town like Chicago or maybe Kansas City.

4:24 pm January, 30 Vin Douchal said...

#OneEyedBojangles

4:26 pm January, 30 Vin Douchal said...

#SonOfaGunBish

4:26 pm January, 30 Vin Douchal said...

#RoyalWedPeteLaw

4:27 pm January, 30 Vin Douchal said...

#KingofCoolDino

4:28 pm January, 30 Vin Douchal said...

#Didliniven

4:30 pm January, 30 Vin Douchal said...

@#AngieDick- Lawford said you gave him the pooper, wagives?

4:37 pm January, 30 Charles Douchewin said...

DoucheyWallnuts, well written and well said!

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Also, a choice picture pairing.

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When in doubt, ask: WWFD?

5:01 pm January, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Is it me or does playboy bleeth look like a “Nikki”?

5:13 pm January, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Walnuts makes me nostalgic for the old days, though I can’t remember them myself because I’m not a geezer. I want to ask DW’s opinion though… Facebook, twitter… Those are for Tweens and Soccer moms. But Whatsapp… This seems like a miracle of the modern hookup. You can see exactly what a hott looks like, and I’ve had like 4 at a time all asking to meet up at once. It’s like juggling hotties through the miracle of technology. Or maybe it’s magic. Lovely, sinful, black magic. Thoughts?

5:20 pm January, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice story DW. Must be nice to not have your stories stripped to the bare bones like mine. I have added the original Ask /the Reverend on yesterdays thread.

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Nepos

5:20 pm January, 30 creature said...

Snatch.com….who’da thunk it?

5:21 pm January, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice domes on the blonde, but the brunette’s ready to go home for some knob.

5:24 pm January, 30 creature said...

…Uhm, DW, ya sure the boss wasn’t askin if Frank & crew shot goo all up in these dames grill…ya know like on the interwebs?

5:25 pm January, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hott on the left looks like Jennifer Connelly, who can literally make your wood explode due to over arousement. Medical fact.

5:41 pm January, 30 creature said...

^maybe Jennifer Connelly after a dbl dongo session….kid in the background looks like he lost a ‘Rolo’ down blondie’s cleave

6:49 pm January, 30 Douchble Helix said...

A fella can learn a lot around here if he keeps his eyes and ears open and his yap shit.

7:13 pm January, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’d tit fuck that blonde broad so hard she’d lactate bloody semen for weeks.

7:42 pm January, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Do you think when Al Gore invented the Internet he envisioned a site like Snatch.com making full use of all the technological wonders of cybersnatch, I mean cyberspace???

7:58 pm January, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^yes. Because I would.

9:38 pm January, 30 creature said...

Al Gore invented the interwebs while searching for some broads to bang other than that clap trap Tipper

12:32 am January, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bath Salts Jennifer Connelly knows that Unsub Largeman is planning something nasty over Blondie’s shoulder boob. I mean boob. Son. Stoned and drunk for the last time for a three week detox fast to keep my licenses. Son.

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@ Douchey Wallnuts

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Assuming you would want to, How hard would you fuck Hayden Panatierre?

4:56 am January, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@Rev. That would be an interesting experience because it would be the closest you could get to bangin’ a midget without having to actually bang a midget. Na mean?

7:01 am January, 31 DarkSock said...

**barges drunkenly into Rev’s and Wallnut’s convo**

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S.up!? **BROTTT! burp kaff kaff**

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WELL…The former Ms. Sock was the same height, weight, build as Ms. Panatteirre; 5′-1″. I’m 6′-1″. Other than the “69” thing (we’d do 68; she did me and I owed her one…badum-TISH) it is a good thing to bang th’ shorties. Big things come in small packages. She was a small package, and I was a big thing.

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Big SUV, small garage.

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Had ta fold in the mirrors. Na’mean?

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But, alas, women are like dogs (no racist) in the fact that the smaller the breed, the more high strung and crazy they tend to be (respect; no racist).

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Barkers.

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There’s an “Ask RevChad” question in there somewhere.

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Son.

7:06 am January, 31 DarkSock said...

And Dammit, DW, get off your ass and write a book.

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And listen to Et Tu Douche and start bookin’ dates in classy lounges on the Casino Circuit. I’ll catch youse when you come to the Beau Rivage here in Biloxi. We’ll carouse afterwards and then I’ll make you eat something weird.

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When DB1 was in town I got him to eat turtle stew with sherry poured over it. He dug it; local delicacy. Don’t knock it til you try it.

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Creoles.

7:10 am January, 31 The Dude said...

For some strange stirring-in the-pants reason, brunette wins this morning’s renoBeL prize.

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HCwDB needs a Steam Boat, with a casino, a stage and at least ten relatively sanitized rooms.

8:42 am January, 31 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Walnust harkens back to a better time and for that we can all be proud.

10:33 am January, 31 UFO Destroyers said...

is the blonde the same as in the Swedouche Meatballs pic, albeit four years older. http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/06/05/swedouche-meatballs/

10:37 am January, 31 UFO Destroyers said...

Is the blonde above the same as the Swedouche Meatballs’ Maria, albeit about four years older and two cup sizes larger.

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/06/05/swedouche-meatballs/

12:13 pm January, 31 Douchble Helix said...

O.M.G.

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Even if that’s not her, that’s amazing, UFO.

2:35 am February, 1 Douchble Helix said...

Mr. UFO, there can be no question…

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http://img585.imageshack.us/img585/9030/swedishfish787650boobst.jpg

1:36 pm February, 2 Swedouche Teatballs said...

UFO Destroyers, that is indeed Natacha Peyre

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