Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Ask DB1: Pudwanks Who Salsa

Salsa——————–

Hi DB1,

I started learning salsa dancing in 2011. It’s not an easy dance to learn and can take up to 2 years or so before a lead dancer is truly good at it. Even then, a lot of the leads still take lessons to hone their dancing skills even further.

Because salsa dancing takes actual talent, the salsa clubs in St. Louis, where I was started learning how to dance, were blissfully douchebag/bleeth free. Since I moved to Florida, there has been some douchebag “creep” onto the dance floor (mostly hair gel and Affliction t-shirts), but still not near the infestation that a regular house music club would see.

So what is this pudwank’s deal? Is there a special douchebag version of salsa dancing done in Dallas? I mean, look at all the signifiers in this picture: backwards ball cap, pseudo-gangland sign, ab reveal, stupid-ass smirk. There’s no way this dude can dance salsa, or if he can, he can’t dress himself. At a real salsa club, he’d be the guy holding a drink off the dance floor, talking big but never asking a girl to dance.

– Douche ex Machina

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“Douchecreep.” I like it. Let us define it as the moment in which choadwankery moves into various subcultures in which it has no rightful place.

Like knitting.

And tiddlywinks.

And lets get some Pear Counterbalance all up in this shiznit.

# posted by douchebag1
12:42 pm February, 20 DarkSock said...

That is a perfect pear-shaped pear.

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Fappers.

12:44 pm February, 20 Bag Margera said...

I used to go through a phase where I thought Salsa dancing would be a good way to impress hispanic women. Then someone showed me what salsa dancing was on youtube. It was not nearly as cool as I first thought. Turned out it was samba that I was interested in learning all along. Maybe if I learned that someday, I’d impress some brazilian chicks.

1:46 pm February, 20 Douchble Helix said...

I’m no judge, but it would seem there should be some cultural leniency for guys that speak Mexican as their first language.

.

Or not.

1:58 pm February, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Salsa dancing? What the fuck is that? The only thing I can think is maybe it’s the way you hop and squeeze your butt cheeks to the bathroom after a few Flaming Gorditas at the T.Bell, Mang.

2:07 pm February, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I’ll be the first to call PHOTOSHOP on pudwank’s abs. And a shit job at that.

2:29 pm February, 20 Douche ex Machina said...

I’d dance sensual bachata with Pear. Repeatedly. To get all the combinations right, of course.

2:59 pm February, 20 hermit said...

Dallas Salsa Dancers are all members of a left-wing separatist movement which has ties to Henry Gibson and the Illinois Nazis.

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I have had no formal training and dance only after several hours of loud jukebox music and drinking hard liquor.

I’ve been told that I’m really quite graceful.

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I’ve danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs

throughout The South.

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Mr. Bojangles

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I hate Illinois Nazis.

3:29 pm February, 20 Vin Douchal said...

@ Douche ex Machina

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You should learn the forbidden “Lambada” . This will help screen the mere “Salsa” women and upgrade your floor partners from serious to very-serious dancers

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This is how Carlos Slim made his billions. Look it up

4:17 pm February, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

let’s all take a moment of silence & reflection whilst gazing upon Pear Counterbalance for it is sublime.

5:03 pm February, 20 Guid is Good said...

Hi DB1, I have recently commenced as a cabana boy in Las Vegas and am concerned about teh doucheflux I am witnessing. ….

8:21 pm February, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

121 pictures of Mila Kunis. She looks dang fertile Son.

8:21 pm February, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

oops. I’m stoned.Son.

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http://www.stylebistro.com/lookbook/Mila+Kunis/UjvGw2E1MD_

8:36 pm February, 20 creature said...

…map of hawaiian isles for this pear…Yes, yes I will donate!

10:24 pm February, 20 DarkSock said...

I want to write her doo-doo a letter, son.

10:24 pm February, 20 DarkSock said...

With my Meat Pen.

10:51 pm February, 20 DarkSock said...

I peed in a butt once.

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Micturation Jockeys.

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Pissers.

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Rump Humpers.

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Stool Pushers.

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Booty Worshipers.

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Elastic Snap-Holes of the Love Pear.

8:37 am February, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That pear made me forget all about the horror of the salsaboy douchebag.

5:36 pm February, 21 douche equis said...

This seems like an opportune moment to mention that the Hall of Pear needs a good (butt) flossing. Today’s example is better than 90% of what’s in there now . . .

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although I suppose there are those who have a taste for the kind that look like they would maul you:

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http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/AssPear-710354.jpg

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or the truly pedestrian/Thai hooker tranny style:

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http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/BrazilPear-754706.jpg

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or this:

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http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DB6033-785524.JPG

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or funny but not attractive:

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/SqueezeyPear.jpg

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Seriously, some of these pix look to me like the entire attraction is that the woman’s buttocks are showing, regardless of any inherent interest therein. We can do better — and this site has, many times, including today. Standards, gentlemen. Standards.

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