Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Boatwanks and Hot Chicks in Dry Dock

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Warning: Never ask to see the “White Whale,” no matter how much they try to goad you into asking.

Payoff: For it is Joey’s peen.

Good news: Rumor has it that Kelly puts out for a Miller Lite.

Problem: No one can tell which one of the woo hotties is Kelly.

# posted by douchebag1
12:34 pm February, 27 The Dude said...

I’d play beach blanket bingo with those hotts. Tasty island treats. Pumpy and his budds can set sail now.

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Kelly is in the middle.

1:13 pm February, 27 Charles Douchewin said...

I call Nottadouche (hang on…) for Joe Redcap. He’s got no signifiers, and his hands up like he wants no part of this.

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Maybe he’s just the driver.

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If so, he should apply for a better job.

1:28 pm February, 27 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I don’t see knot knowing which one is Kelly is a problem. They all will probably go for such a deal regarding Miller Lite…

1:38 pm February, 27 DarkSock said...

I had this exact same thing happen once.

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Except it was just me.

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And the boat was a LOT further inland.

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And it hurt.

2:11 pm February, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

I wanna say Kelly is in the middle, but noticing the luscious, yet somewhat bloated thighs of Woo Hott on the right I’m gonna with her as Kelly.

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@Rev,

Toronto v Montreal tonight? let me know.

2:12 pm February, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

Is it or does Marissa Mayer look like a screamer, maybe a fan of the ole hair tug too?

2:22 pm February, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Bachelor Pad Lake Elsinore™ coming to Cable Channel 56 Riverside™. The twist? The girls go out for more Bud Light™ and don’t return.

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The cameras roll for three days as the doofuses try to figure out why they aren’t back yet.

2:23 pm February, 27 Vin Douchal said...

I think the babe in the middle got shot in her bathroom by a legless man…

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What? Too soon?

2:29 pm February, 27 Vin Douchal said...

A band named, Kung Fu. Funky bad assed solos and jumping jazz-rock

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Do The Right Thing

3:08 pm February, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin

I guy I know just went to check them out live, thanks for link.

3:30 pm February, 27 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Sorry to have been gone from the site for so long gents. And by “gents” I mean perverts.

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.But it seems the Old Choad will be launching a travel show “All Forked Up” on the Travel Channel come late May.

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One can only hope it has some of the dramatic intensity, production values, and pithy yet profound insights that characterized “Is She Really Going Out With Him?” as well as avoiding the foisting of any secondary infections like Snooki on the American public.

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.Regardless of my attention-whore, narcissistic career moves, you should know that I would crawl on my eczema-scarred hands and psoriasis-blistered knees, with carbuncle-inflamed hairs scratching my syphilitic-familiar penis through eight miles of petroleum-ravaged, mosquito-infested mangrove swamp just to attempt to untie Kelly’s bikini top with my leprosy-mangled tongue.

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….and yes, Kelly IS the one in the middle.

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Yours Very Truly,

CTDS

3:39 pm February, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Seconds later the group scattered like so many sand flies when Bert came back from his truck waiving his Glock (concealed carry permit tucked in his jorts) shouting “How many times I gotta tell ya t’git yer fithy orange asses off my boat?!?! Now ya made me spill ma beer Imma gonna shoot some ass I swear t’gawd I am. Hoo lord I’m tired now I gotta sit down.”

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And Kelly is the dude sitting quietly on the bow of the boat hiding his chubby behind bended knee.

6:57 pm February, 27 FoghornLeghorn said...

They’re all named Kelly.

7:13 pm February, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Dougie’s beer belly is pupating. In time, it will blossom into a beautiful adult, it’s splendor forever obscuring what little sight of his peen he has left.

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Candi’s (on the right) sublime knees, dimpled thighs, and soft shoulder speak of impeding disappointment in shea butter and Jenny Craig for not ridding her of postnatal extra baggage and stretch scarring on her tum.

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And Kelly is the one wearing the life jacket.

12:04 pm February, 28 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Once again the five “bros” will need to decide which one of them gets to dress up like a woman so that everything is even. And by dress up like a woman I mean surrender his anus for the cause.

12:54 am March, 5 Whoop-di-douche said...

Kelly’s the one in the kelly green bikini, dumkopfs.

That was easy.

Next.

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