Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Women of LA

Pure genius and the story of my move to L.A., complete with nerdy Jewish doppelganger.

“You’re not in Murray Hill anymore, bro” for the win.

# posted by douchebag1
7:41 am February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

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Hosers

8:15 am February, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

So Murray Hill is the place for easy Jewess’s?(Respect) If so where is Murray Hill?

8:19 am February, 14 Bag Margera said...

@Rev

I was just about to post that.

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Buddies

8:59 am February, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I cut out a picture of my head, put it on his body and watched the last 20 years of my life. Different city, same sad story. I’m going to go lie down in the intersection outside my office now.

9:22 am February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

When I first came to L.A. I went to an agency that helped you find an apartment. Knowing nothing about these suburbs my bud and I went down the list…..

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“Paramount?, Nah,..”

“Santa Anita? We’ll go broke at the horse track, so, no”

“Fullerton?, too expensive..”

“El Monte? El Monte , sounds nice, like a can of peaches…Yeah, El Monte”

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Needless to say we had a Hell’s Angel next door that parked his Harley In his living room and helped himself to our beer , a fat Latina on the other side that had a pimp that came by every other day shaking her down for money so we loaned her some cash we never saw again nor wanted to work off honestly and a pool that had a different dead critter floating in it every morning

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Never saw an opossum before so that was pretty cool . We did go broke at Santa Anita.

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Mr Pink

10:01 am February, 14 creature said...

nope…not telling where or how to get your groove on…y’all just better off going back to wherever the fuck you came from

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natives

10:38 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

Mad Leg in Biloxi, y’all.
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Keep on thinkin’ southern gals all look like Honey Boo Boo’s Momma.
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Say hello to Brittney, from Biloxi; one of Maxim’s “hometown hotties”. She was actually in the swimsuit competition I got to judge last summer. She didn’t even make the top 10. My buddy’s girl did. That sumbitch.
Biloxi Blues
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BeelzeBubbas

10:46 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

And as far as the hotties next door in New Orleans…DB1 visited there a few years back and I have it on good authority that he was enamored with the intoxicating blend of café au lait skinned creole ladies, sultry blondes, quartasians…
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All female Saints fans look like this:
fap time
Medical FACT.
.
.
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Medical Fappers

10:53 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

Okay. Maybe not all female Saints fans.
fat fat fat

10:57 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

But most.
.
It’s Mardi Gras down here, bitches. How many women are roaming your hometown streets right now wearing body paint for a top?
bewbs
teats
honkers
One for the Rev:
reefer
zongas
sex angel   son

11:00 am February, 14 Sir Vance of Douchemock said...

Probably zero DS, but if the livestock in the picture above are included in this whole body paint and nothing else thing, well then I’m not envious.

11:05 am February, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hey Sock you got anymore pics of hotts in Saints jerseys? The Ham Dangle™ on the chick in the above Saints jersey looks like it would pair well with some of my home crafted Crawfish Etouffee and an ice cold Dixie™

11:06 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

Painters Gonna Paint

11:07 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

ETD – does paint count as a Saints Jersey?
ewgf
as

Wait…

11:09 am February, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

LA is the least authentic city in the US. No one is really from there. There is nothing to really do there. You are never sure when you have arrived there. LA is more a state of limbo than a city.

.

When you meet someone from LA, there is no, “Oh so you must go to…” What? Central Park? Fisherman’s Wharf? The French Quarter? What? What? What? Maybe, “You must sit in traffic wishing you were more famous and more important than you are.”

11:11 am February, 14 DarkSock said...

LAX has a nice bar in it. So there’s that.

.

Made me miss my damn plane.

11:22 am February, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Rev, glad you mention, cuz LAX is the same way… a jumble of disjointed, unconnected, and outdated terminals tossed like jacks at the end of W. Century Blvd.

11:22 am February, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sorry, that was to Sock

11:37 am February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Got good pizza, dirty snowbanks, teen single moms, and great looking natives here.

11:41 am February, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Sock

Yes paint does count, good work my man.

11:44 am February, 14 The Dude said...

I love women. Really don’t hate douchebags so much as simply despise them. Most douchebags are funny.

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Body paint = good. On women. Skinny women.

12:22 pm February, 14 creature said...

Dude McC…if all of the jack holes who bad mouth this place would just pack the fuck up & return to the “great places” they came from, I just might have the lovely lotus land I grew up in once again, & y’all could have that story of how you almost made it out on the west coast

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hey DS, wouldn’t them painted ladies be alot ‘nippier’ this time of year?

2:04 pm February, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@creature, the lotus flower is not native to LA nor actually anywhere in the western hemisphere. The west coast of the US is 1,300 miles long, of which only 75 belongs to LA, so it’s possible to make it along most of the west coast while avoiding LA.

2:22 pm February, 14 creature said...

dude mc c…I cheerfully invite you to explore any of those1225 miles of the scenic pacific shore…buh bye!

2:35 pm February, 14 creature said...

…by the way, us multi generational natives still lovingly refer to our town as Los Angeles, short for ‘El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles’ The Town of Our Lady Queen of the Angels….very beautiful indeed & quite steeped in tradition, but, I don’t expect any failed fame seeking newcomers to recognize nor appreciate this….all the negatives said of my town can be identified in the reflection of the dissapointed new comers should they self examine their image in the mirror.

…in short, y’all brought the ugly baggage with you, please take the refuse with you as you leave!

3:15 pm February, 14 DarkSock said...

@ Creature: If you consider 70 degrees nippy.

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you do NOT want to be here in August. Hotter than a pile of burning tractor tires.

7:30 pm February, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Somebody should make a movie called “Swingers” about moving to LA from the east coast.

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Maybe have a Cantor’s Deli scene in it.

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Mikeys.

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