Monday, February 4, 2013

Martini Mel Deftly Spends His Unemployment Checks on Carrie

blue-steel-ignores-coccktease

If there’s one thing Martini Mel has learned since the North Hollywood Staples laid him off in late 2011, it’s that it’s not the size of the unemployment check that counts, it’s the relocation of the party from overpriced clubs to his parents’ porch area and careful targeting of discounted product purchasing, that best makes the ladies swoon.

Good on you, Martini Mel. I’d almost give you a notta, but I’m in a bad mood these days since I don’t get remotely enough good submissions to keep this site running with the quality control of the old days.

Carrie’s back arch offers the taut skin of lickle suckle lime soda pooch.

# posted by douchebag1
11:49 am February, 4 Douchble Helix said...

You did *not* write that about the submissions.

12:24 pm February, 4 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

why is she wearing a bra under her bikini top ?

.

martini Mel looks like he may be a switch hitter, just sayin.

12:26 pm February, 4 creature said...

if he bends her over the oj & grapefruit juice, he earns a notta

12:32 pm February, 4 The Dude said...

He’s cute. She’s cuter.

12:36 pm February, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

At least gay Mel got the upstairs porch with a view. And by with a view I mean of little smoothe boys on BMX bikes. Fag Hag be representing.

12:42 pm February, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Monday’s run of hotties is making this ‘tator very happy. And by very happy I mean turgid. If Carrie needs help removing that bra I raise my sticky hand as the first volunteer.

12:57 pm February, 4 DarkSock said...

If BCS were here, I’m sure he’d write “I’d fuck ’em both”.

1:09 pm February, 4 Bag Margera said...

Isn’t all this complaining about not being the same website as it used to be, kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy? Y’all got Scrotato still. Quit yer gripin.

1:21 pm February, 4 The Dude said...

Margie is right. The time to start clapping is when the applause starts to die down. *claps*

1:56 pm February, 4 DarkSock said...

Damn Right, B. Margera. There’s a lot more fine wine left in this old…er…box.

2:29 pm February, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Mel’s best decisions will revolve around spending whatever money he has in an effort to get in, and stay in, her Ham Wallet.

.

I think DB1 meant to type he doesn’t get “remotely enough good emissions.”

2:36 pm February, 4 Bflak said...

Mel’s tossing out the eye of coitus, and it’s giving me the heebie jeebies. She’s like a my dream woman other than the thick, white bra under her bathing suit top. Really wondering what’s up with that?

2:38 pm February, 4 The Dude said...

‘Sock, how is it possible that you know I’ve sneaked a couple of ~sips~ from yesterday’s wine box? Are you like clairvoyant, or from the FBI or something?

.

“Breaking news: local douchebag hunter attempts to hide a box of wine in his pants, unsuccessfully.”

.

Monday hangovers are righteous!

2:48 pm February, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Hey! DB1 made the comment, goddammit. Not me.

4:07 pm February, 4 Scooby Douche said...

@ Bflak,

Mel is tossing the West Hollywood Eye of Coitus, na mean?

7:08 pm February, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

HCwDB: Haven’t been the same since we tried Axe Monkey Hole Spray.

10:28 pm February, 4 The Dude said...

This site hasn’t been

The same since DB1 found

Axe Monkey Hole Spray

.

Shit, I never think of good Haiku on Friday!

10:31 pm February, 4 The Dude said...

Ham Wallet? Oh god,

The term ‘Honey Baked’ will not

Ever be the same.

8:46 am February, 6 wonderdouche twin said...

if she is going to wear double protection she needs it on the bottom not the top!!

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