Saturday, February 23, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark

photo (22)So the other night I stopped by one a my favorite waterin’ holes in midtown for a belt or two.

When I bellied up to the bar and ordered a Makers on the Rocks one a the bartenders tole me if I liked bourbon I really should try this one and that one! And that bourbon is so popular that there! They’se got all kinds a choices these days!

Just pour me a drink, son.

If that wasn’t enough, he started suggestin’ all a these other mixed drinks with all kinds a ingredients in ‘em.

I was thinkin’ back on the old days where there weren’t no drinks with more than three ingredients.  An usually two of ‘em were the booze an the ice.

Madonna Mia, what ever happened to a simple friggin’ drink?

Then this nice young fella asks me if I’d like ta see a drink menu. “A drink menu?” I says, “Listen Jack, I don’t need no menu for no drinks. Take a glass, put some ice in it, and then pour that there Makers Mark in it. Real simple, like. Inin it?”

One time Normy Fell ordered a Jack and Coke with a slice a orange in it. By the reaction he got from the bartender you woulda thought poor Normy laid out a lincoln log stool on the bar like it was a finsky.

“Orange?!? Who the f@#k orders a slice a orange in a Jack and Coke?,” Sinatra says.

I can hear him sayin’ it like it just happened today.

A whiles back we went to that movie with the half-a-Finnoch Cruise guy who was a bartender and they was doin’ all kinds a things with the shaker like they was the Harlem Globetrotters, trowin’ it around the bar pourin’ drinks all silly an all a that.

I remember Frank and Dean sayin’ that if any guy tried to do that whilst makin’ their drink they woulda grabbed him by the shirt and punched ‘em in the mush.

Punched ‘em in the mush, they says.

# posted by Vin Douchal
12:49 pm February, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Crown Royal straight up. The ya got two ingredients , booze and the glass

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Hey Mr Wallnuts, what do you think of a dame that likes the hard liquor?

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Do you want your twist being a broad that can hold liquor which would probably make her a lush or do want your sidecar drinking girlie stuff and knowing her limits?

1:22 pm February, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Broads who drink Bourbon are right on, It speaks to her character and by speaks to her character i mean they’re usually good to go. “Imp & Iron” the old school way to get your buzz on.

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@DW

What about and actual dry Martinis? I mean Bond(Connery) drank them and I’m assuming him & Frank would be tight banging broads and what not. Speaking of Bond what was Franks take on Roger Moores as Bond. I for one was never impressed.

1:24 pm February, 23 Troy Tempest said...

It’s true about the booze. About the fruitiest thing I’ll drink is a margerita, and only with Mexican food. Otherwise, it’s a waste of good tequila. Otherwise what’s a floppy drink for me? Drambuie. On the rocks. It’s scottish, so you know it ain’t crap.It’s very sweet and has a nice aftertaste. And it’s 45% alc., so it kicks your ASS HARD AND FAST.

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boozers.

1:25 pm February, 23 Troy Tempest said...

A super dry martini is basically gin shaken over the rocks with an olive in it.

1:45 pm February, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I don’t drink whiskey or bourbon anymore. And I sure as hell ain’t risking a vodka. This ain’t because of the time I blacked out and woke up with a tattoo of Maria Ozawa on my ass either. It’s that so much of this stuff is counterfeit today. I read that up to 50% of liquor consumed in the UK is fake, tainted, or diluted. In China? Nearly all of it. So unless you want to go sterile or have your eyes permanently crossed, watch out for that shit and consider a good Burgundy, or failing that a bottled beer.

http://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2012/11/counterfeit-alcohol-costs-uk-1-2bn-a-year/

1:59 pm February, 23 skrag2112 said...

Got my dad 25 year old Glenfiddich scotch for his 70th birthday. Theres a drink that doesn’t need anything else.

2:01 pm February, 23 creature said...

me I like a broad who puts a coaconut between her legs, squeezes the top off withher thighs, fills it up with rum, drops a straw init & says, “drink me dry sailor!”

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boat drinkers

2:05 pm February, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Jeebus, you put ice in a good bourbon? what the hell is wrong wit you? or am I just a product of a by-gone era, who drinks his bourbon neat? Very, very neat.

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Neat, I says. Every now and again I come across a newbie barkeep, and they look at me like I got two heads growing out of my neck when I says “neat”.

2:29 pm February, 23 Tits McGee said...

I’m in no way surprised to learn that contributors to this site have good taste in lickher.

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Ice turns bad bourbon into good bourbon, and any alcohol other than whiskey is for suburbanite divorcees on a diet.

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@Darth – I’m with ya; if the bartender needs a definition of ‘neat,’ I slap the friend that brought me there and leave.

2:56 pm February, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Well put Sons. My favourite booze is that shit in the bottle all healthy and manly-like, with cheap beer and drugs. Son. Makers is brown. Son.

3:26 pm February, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Jack. Chilled.

3:39 pm February, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Oh, I could go on about Bond and Martinis and dames that drink the hard stuff. And by the hard stuff I mean the hard stuff.

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That’s good fodder for a post. Fodder, I says. As long as the boss don’t edit the shit out if it, that is.

6:41 pm February, 23 Wheezer said...

What I’d like is ta make time wit’ da brunette broad makin’ da kissy face. Kissy face, I says.

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Yeah, dat broad.

6:48 pm February, 23 The Dude said...

Looks like Champagne Katie on the right. ‘Pagne, I says. I like Chardonnay, and I really enjoy ordering it at a bar with real men on the stools, and I use my Sam Elliot voice doing it. Because Chardonnay is the RAM tough Banquet Beer pour moi.

6:49 pm February, 23 The Dude said...

and, thanks for another fine tail, DW!

7:58 pm February, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’ll tell ya, brown liquor pigs are awesome. The Misses don’t like the brown. But Shari the chick with huge tits and parents with multiple boats and one of the Mighty Thousand Islands on her hands was a juicy infill-chick/fuck buddy. If I would have asked while she was high on my hash oil and the awesome creation Southern Comfort she would have gone for the Alabama Hot Pocket. She passed out and In shoved my shitty Beyonce ,looking Mulatto cock into Stacey,her island parents co-owner for a live body. Fuck I wish I was 17 again. Son. I’m fucking loade. Better go for a smoke. Wow.

9:15 pm February, 23 Troy Tempest said...

So, tonite, it’s a drink I inveterated called the PEtunia. It’s 1pt triple sec, 2 parts reposado tequila, served on the rocks. IT WILL fuck you up, and I’m the hammmered livingg proof of it.

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And so, we all hates the hipsterbags right? Well one of ‘em made a public spectacle of himself with an article in the New School news rag.

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cry. now.

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Feel better? Good, now read the inner thoughtsd of this douchenozzle:

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http://www.newschoolfreepress.com/2013/02/21/fifty-shades-of-rey/

12:22 am February, 24 The Dude said...

dang Troy, that hurt parts of my brain I had left alone for the time being. Worse.

1:57 am February, 24 DarkSock said...

Makers is beloved.
.
Markers.
alks

2:36 am February, 24 The Dude said...

Markers Make. Beloved Sons

3:26 am February, 24 The Dude said...

Is that, or is that not Champagne Katie? And is that or is that not a rusted stump in the middle?

3:33 am February, 24 The Dude said...

Gawd, I can’t sleep. Porn is boring. The sexy weather chick on NBC don’t fill the screen until another hour from now. Already watched Superbad, must return by 11 toborrow. It sucked. Stupid kid flick.

.

I hate my life. Maybe there can be an American Jihad – to make it possible for 72 virgins available here, on planet earth? ehh, thass the cough syrup talking ;)

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Refill

5:53 am February, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That has to be CK @Dude. Ya need some weed to sleep, Son. That cough syrup shit got bad shit in it. Son.

11:43 am February, 24 DarkSock said...

son

7:41 pm February, 24 The Dude said...

Katie puts the payne in champagne. I’m about to eat a bunch, sleep 8 wake up great and hit the ground running! Well, at least hit the ground.

11:38 pm February, 24 Billy The Scrote said...

Now we know the type of guy champagne katie likes…blonde poo.

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