Monday, February 11, 2013

Welcome Back, Bitches!

20

Another week of the mock here at HCwDB!!

Sure this website’s an archaic relic of the pre-app pre-feed days of god darnit actual blogs with unique names and destinations. Back when the internet at least vaguely resembled a digital simulacrum of spatial certainty.

But HCwDB carries on like ole’ Clint. Shoutin’ at chairs and strangely befuddled by working faucets.

We’se still got the hotties with the purple hairs all up innit.

And douchewanks with stupid shirts.

And never the twain shall exchange DNA without collective ridicule.

May your Monday morning be snow-free and filled with tasty snack treats.

For the work week is uponst. So get yer lazy ass in gear. This world won’t consume itself.

# posted by douchebag1
7:42 am February, 11 The Dude said...

Is it possible for a really small meteor to strike down the pud but leave magenta-hair babe in tact? I really just want to see if her carpet matches her drapes. I was thinking of acquiring an area rug by that same color.

8:38 am February, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Shay Guevera knows that tequila is the way to a woman’s pee-pee. Drink till they pass out and do what comes naturally.

is that wrong?

.

Fuck you Mumford and Sons. I apologize for the “roots” and “rockabilly” “music” being played today disguised as “talent” cause of the Catholic guilt and shit. Haters.

9:24 am February, 11 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

“Got Grenoble and then it all itches”?

10:44 am February, 11 Stephanie said...

No i think his shirt says,Got oiled and my anus itches.

12:23 pm February, 11 Bag Margera said...

I refuse to accept this defeatist malarky. I was here when the site switched to wordpress. I know this blog is capable of adapting with the times. I’ve seen this website adapt to every new trend in douchebaggery, faster than the weather man can predict weather. You can’t tell me it is unable to adapt to new trends in web. In the year or so I spent away to humble myself from becoming a sad-sack-of-shit-hater, this website lost Medusa and Crucial Head, two very entertaining commentators, among a few others that may or may not be so significant. Everyone else that made this community special, is still around. And yet motivation is waining in limbo. And the more people bitch about the old days, the more people wain.

.

Let me remind all that this website inspired a book, and a T.V. show. It propelled a disgusting little bleeth on to another MTV show, that reached international attention, that for 4 years caused the world to mock and ridicule the very things, that we here believe is worthy of mock. I can’t think of another amateur blog that has ever been so successful in it’s mission statement. It has done so, without becoming over-saturated with unfunny people with their own agenda, who wish to be on par with the regulars. The core group of jackasses are still banging out classics every week, and yet there is very little direction. I say this as someone who has no interest in contributing consistently enough to be worthy of the hall of mock. I merely wish to contribute enough, to keep those regulars from waining. With everything that this website has accomplished, now is not the time to wain.

.

I refuse to accept that douche-mock is something to be played out like any other douche trend. There will always be an endless supply of people acting douchey in front of cameras. Girls will always set higher standards for weak-willed men to compete in unnatural ways for booby fondling, at the cost of respect from his fellow man. This is the ever-lasting story of modern man, that won’t end until our extinction. It must be told from the side of righteousness, unrelenting even in times of post-Jersey Shore awakening.

.

I implore you Jay Louis. If you falter now… If you have that mid-life crisis, that steers you away from this burden… If you find that petite little brunette with the short hair and glasses, that works part time as a librarian’s secretary, in the knee high skirt, who likes you for you, and your basic clothes and topcuts hairstyle, and expresses no interest in the brightly-lit scum on this website… if you are seduced into a life of normalcy that slowly morphs you in to a happy, humbled person that feels like this burden can be delegated to the perverts and degenerates, who need your wisdom and guidance… If you wain… The douches will come back.

.

They’ll come back stronger, smellier, more self entitled, and without anyone vocal enough to stand against them. Without you, a newer version of Stackhouse could troll through this website, calling out all haters, and in our sober hazes, we would barely lift a finger to type a well written note of how they much they sound like a demented pee-cock. This is your world Jay Louis. We just live in it. I think you would be hard pressed to find anything in your life more significant than this blog. And it’s time you stopped waining, in a stagnant state of abysmal self-reflection. It’s time to get aggressive. It’s time to get creative. Remember what compelled you to design this blog in the first place. If it takes an entire HCWDB 3.0 and a new book to do it, than do it.

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I am merely a humbled person who believes in what this website is capable of, even still. I am not a warrior. I cannot convince a douche to see the error in his douchey ways for the life of me. I can only rely on the mocks of these men who without your leadership, will waste their voice on the classy good old days , and Canadian trash. And as familiar with Canadian trash as I am, I need only walk outside my house to see that irrelevant non-sense. Lead them please. Shave an Alpalca, eat some tasty pastries, search harder for pics, and mock those douches.

2:33 pm February, 11 Harry said...

Hear, hear.

5:44 pm February, 11 Douchble Helix said...

HEY!! What’s this ‘laying around’ shit?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI

12:44 am February, 12 DarkSock said...

Bag Margera just wrote what may simultaneously be the most salient, AND sober, strings of text e’r written on this site.

.

I’m not sure, since I’ve not been sober or salient for 4 years.

.

But it made me cry, and poop, a little.

/.

Shuns.

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