Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Cocky Racoon Learns to Make Love the Old Fashioned Way

CockyRacoon5

With an electric cattle prod, a half-pound of bacon grease, and a short Guatalupe towelboy named Yajah offering Gatorade, ice milk, and nipple clamp cathode rays delivered in short bursts to the upper colon.

# posted by douchebag1
7:08 am March, 20 DarkSock said...

I’ll bet she’s better in bed than Champagne Katie.

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Because she has to be.

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Just sayin’.

7:24 am March, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

DB1 seems to be out of his funk. This shit is all crazy funny…and shit.

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…..and shit. Not this one Jacques!

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http://www.eroprofile.com/m/videos/view/Poo-friends-2

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Son.

7:46 am March, 20 Charles Douchewin said...

I promise this five second audio commentary is appropriate, and safe for all ages, creeds, and workplace environments:

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8:23 am March, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Is she giving me the Crossed Mayan Eyes Of Cupcakes?

8:25 am March, 20 UFO Destroyers said...

Not quite sure what “nipple clamp cathode rays” are but it does remind me of romantic weekend hot air balloon rides in the spring. Only with radiation poisoning instead of burn unit treatments.

8:26 am March, 20 UFO Destroyers said...

And since when did Salma Hayak’s lazy-eyed second cousin start getting “modelling” gigs?

8:58 am March, 20 Doctor Magnifico! said...

Bride’O’Frankenstein hair.

9:07 am March, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Beautiful People

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9:27 am March, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

She can probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

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He can probably suck a golf ball thru a garden hose.

9:48 am March, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Cocky Racoon, I see what you did there DB1. Reminder to self if this is the type of talent frequenting the Shorebreak hotel no thanks. I’d rather stay at a Ramada.

9:49 am March, 20 Vin Douchal said...

As they say in hockey, Coc Rac’s “keeping his head on a swivel” because he knows that flying bottle is headed his way

10:40 am March, 20 Mr. ScrotatoHead said...

In cocky’s world even balloons and balls are not allowed to be inflated above half full.

11:44 am March, 20 Morbo said...

I almost feel sorry for Cocky in this pic. It’s one thing to pose with semi-hot latina MILFs looking for a memorable “girls night out” by drunkenly throwing themselves at the young male stripper.

But this is the part of the job they didn’t tell him about in the training video.

What do you do when the pudgy 26-year-old receptionist starts making googily eyes, grinding herself into your junk (just well enough to give you an embarrassing and unprofessional proto-boner) and talks incessantly about her cats, Mr. Sparkles and Felicity?

I mean, it really does sound like Mr. Sparkles is the cute and reserved one and Felicity has the wild side, but you certainly don’t want to meet them.

Times are tough all over, and the Shorebreak Hotel pays well. The tips are great. You could be doing worse. I mean, have you seen some of the ass clowns at the Palms Pool? Those guys don’t know male whoring from a hole in the ground. The Shorebreak requires a little class.

This type of thing makes the day looooonnnng, though. It’s enough to make Cocky Raccoon question some of his life choices. Then he remembers he needs to pay for a matching skull tattoo on his left pec. Time to put on the brave face, Cocky. Time to go to work, or whatever you call this.

11:44 am March, 20 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Time to rename the blog:

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“Short Guatalupe towelboy named Yajah with Douchbag”?

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Where’s the hot chick? Yikes!

11:47 am March, 20 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Is that the honey boo boo everyone keeps effin’ talkin’ about?

12:16 pm March, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Good stuff, Morbo!

12:29 pm March, 20 DarkSock said...

IT MUST EAT GRAIN

12:39 pm March, 20 Marcel Douchechamp said...

If anyone recalls Conan O’Brien’s NBC run, then I swear that Cocky is actually Toshi, Joel Goddard’s gay Asian sweat boy.

3:22 pm March, 20 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Hmmm… I feel like crepes….

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Filled with chocolate.

6:20 pm March, 20 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

It’s like Lena Dunham and Salma Hayek had a daughter and made her stand next to a douchebag.

7:34 am March, 21 Bobel said...

No wonder this site wasn’t working this morning… her face broke it.

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