Friday, March 1, 2013

Friday Thoughts and Links

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And there it is.

A bored pec-tatt zombie stumbling through life like a retarded yeti in search of primordial boobs, living the unthinking, unexamined life of the basest kind.

And there are the boobs of deliverance.

The comedy of life continues.

So your humb narrs has become ridiculous infatuated with peanut butter and jelly sandiwches of late.

Theories abound.

Is this a need to return to the comfort foods of childhood?

A way of satiating the stomach with consumptive innocence as an act of resistance to the deepening sands of time as they pass by?

Alls I know is a good PB&J on toast, washed down with some Dr. Pepper, is what makes life worth a’livin’.

It smacks the wildebeasts of depressive discourse away.

It holds back the raging, surging waters of ephemeral turmoil.

And so, for that, I munch.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD German Expressionist Silent Film Masterpiece Pick of the Week: ……… (no quotes because it’s a silent film)………………

Would you say… I have a plethora of pinatas?

Married? Bored? Here’s one way to spice things up.

For the Girls fans among us (and you know you’re out there), Lena Dunham pwned.

Tag Bodyspray goes down!! We are winning.

The DB1 finds blow-up satisfaction.

Surprising no one in the history of anything, a Miami-Dade Prosecutor turns out to be a… you guessed it.

Oakland defensive tackle Desmond Bryant perfects the art of the Doucheface Mugshot.

Aussie Douchebags. Just like American Douchebags, but much more polite.

And in other news: What Girls Gone Up must Girls Gone Down.

But. Alas. There can be only two loaves of perfection:

White Pear

You’re welcome.

# posted by douchebag1
12:53 pm March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Thair Be Filthman?

1:06 pm March, 1 Wheezer said...

Methinks King Sharty’s (AKA “Starry Blight’s) red shorts bro decided to ink up, ‘roid up, and start his own bleeth collection…..oh, and he’s working on a Sharty scowl of his own.

1:09 pm March, 1 jonezy said...

So, the question is, DB1, do you use jam or jelly? More importantly, what flavor? I’m guessing strawberry.

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As I grew up in the town of Knott’s Berry Farm, let me just give everyone the tip of the day- Knott’s Berry Farm jam is the best brand on the market, if you trust by totally unbiased opinion.

.

.

Boysenberries.

.

.

(Seriously, do whatever it is you need to do to buy Boysenberry pancake syrup for your waffle/pancakes and you will see the truth)

1:30 pm March, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Is that Zyyyyyzzzz in the blue shorts returned from the afterlife?

2:12 pm March, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Axe has by far dominated the men’s deodorant spray market, according to Euromonitor International.”

.

“Love it or hate it, Axe is everywhere,’’ said Rob Callender of Teenage Research Unlimited.”

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Whatever became of the original Old Spice guy? I wonder if his port of call routine of banging whores from Rotterdam, Marseilles Manilla, Shanghai and points unknown finally caught up to him? And I’m not talking about the guy sitting backwards on a horse. I’m talking bout this guy.

2:26 pm March, 1 Douche Wayne said...

As an authority on PB&J, the correct answer is Welch’s grape jelly and Skippy extra chunky peanut butter. That is all.

2:35 pm March, 1 DarkSock said...

@ DW, whenever you shows up: I emailed youse a couple a recipes from Deano and Sinatra.

2:56 pm March, 1 Marcel Douchechamp said...

Has Joe Francis come out of the closet yet?

3:20 pm March, 1 Crucial Head said...

I’d carelessly toss all Ted Nugent’s guns into a diaper fire while peddling a big wheel made of epilepsy around the Daytona 500 if it meant the exploding shrapnel would scalp one of the spectators and carry the DNA into the hungry maw of the machinist who milled the oil pan that was meticulously attached via Mulebrow torque wrench to the Datsun owned by the attendant running the petrol station three blocks from White Pear’s stepfather’s murder shed.

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Nekromantix.

3:24 pm March, 1 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

.

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I Love White Pear

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**clicks off**

3:46 pm March, 1 Scooby Douche said...

What do you think the chances are that guy swings both ways?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…..

How do we get a 360 degree look at White Pear?

4:11 pm March, 1 DarkSock said...

Diaper Fire is a good band name

4:33 pm March, 1 Macsorley McScrote said...

She has boobs. He is a boob.

I would walk through a mile long diaper fire to do unholy things with White Pear. GAWD DAYUM that is a fine backyard. Hall of Pear material fo’ sho’.

For those who might want to buy that blowup sheep – see this first.

7:02 pm March, 1 Troy Tempest said...

blue collar pear:

7:48 pm March, 1 The Dude said...

I love it when Crucial files a post here. It’s almost as great as shooting a load on a hott’s face. Not quite, but pretty darn close.

8:24 pm March, 1 Troy Tempest said...

CRUCIAL!!! Yer back! Where ya been dude?

8:34 pm March, 1 Douchble Helix said...

On the SNL Best of Chris Rock, they do Bensonhurst Dating Game. Joe Pecsi hosts, Sandler and Carvey are mokes (sp?), Julia Sweeney is the bleeth, and Chris Rock is the black guy.

Jersey Shore has nothing on this.

10:10 pm March, 1 The Dude said...

Speaking of body spray, I don’t take a shower unless someone complains, or I have a date. I do hit myself with Febreze Linen & Sky™ a few times a day, whether I need it or not. For the ladies. True story.

11:13 pm March, 1 DarkSock said...

Body Spray is a good porn title.

11:14 pm March, 1 DarkSock said...

Son

4:26 am March, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dude

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Lysol and Windex have covered up manly odors for years, and you can drink ’em too. Fresh breeze. Son.

9:31 am March, 2 DarkSock said...

Fresh Breeze is a good Hip Hop name.

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StepChild

9:33 am March, 2 DarkSock said...

Well, well I been movin’ down to Florida.
And I’m gonna bowl me a perfect game.
Well I’m gonna cut off my leg down in Florida, child.
And I’m gonna dance one-legged off in the rain.
Now, they say that Sidney Poitier was a blind man.
And they say that LBJ was a Soviet Jew.
.
When I go down Florida Way,
They’re ain’t no kind of sexual healing that I would not, could not, should
Not do, stick it right here.
.
Well I been movin’ down to Florida.
I’m gonna potty train the Chairman Mao.
I’m gonna make the governor write my doo-doo a letter, Child.
And I’m gonna grind me up a White Castle slider out of India’s sacred cow.
.
Well, I been movin’ down Florida Way,
And I’m gonna build me the atomic bomb.
Well, I’m gonna hold time hostage down in Florida, child.
Ain’t nobody, said ain’t Nobody gonna tell me what to do. Right here.
.
By this time I guess you’ve figured out about Florida.
Drink the muddy water in the Vaseline stain.
They be makin’ tadpoles the size of Buicks down in Florida.
That be tellin’ Julio Iglesias what to sing, now.
.
Now, whoever said that Sidney Poitier was a blind man,
Knew the same of Elvis Presley, too.
When I go down Florida Way,
Ain’t nobody, said ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do. Right here.
.
Well I been goin’ down to Florida.
Pole Cats lie naked in the Seminole sin.
When I go down Florida Way,
Like Vince, I wanna’ win.
.
Well I went down to Florida.
I got away.
I took the children down to Florida.
I stuck the dick down the drain.
Get that boy down to Florida.
Give him a switch blade.
.
.
.
Tell him what to do.
.
Buttholes.
soapy pear

10:18 am March, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dark Sock sold his soul to the Devil, started butt-chugging expensive bourbon and Ambien, and wrote a semi-coherent blues song to the tune of “Crossroads”? Son.

8:56 am March, 3 creature said...

…I drink a scotch like concoction called Mulebrow

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…tastes more like yak pee, but, packs a whallop!

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gin pokes

12:50 am March, 5 Whoop-di-douche said...

Crucial Head and Dark Sock, head to toe the best commenters this site has ever seen.

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