Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Vortex of Suckage That Is A Los Angeles Herpster BBQ
Kelly’s accidental run-in with notorious Silverlake DJs Scrabblex and Parcheesix did not end well when her boobs decided to recoil in horror and her vageen donned sunglasses in the hopes that none of the other vageens would recognize her at the next Vageenas Anonymous meeting.
Yup. Stop making sense. And you may ask yourself, why does the DB1 need a coffee? And you may say to yourself, this is not my beautiful sheboyyyyyygen.
Jerry Lewis.
Home Depot’s foray into the breast enhancement and tattoo business looks like a bad idea.
Worst boobjob ever.
Is that Carrot Top with a blond wig and really bad implants ?
The tattoo on the Asian guy’s back reads,” My Other Tattoo is Worse.”
Is this a poster for Planned Parenthood’s new pro abortion campaign ?
Not everything you buy in Tijuana is worth the money you save.
Either her boobs or their farts sound like this.
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I’ll bet your dogs just came running to you, didn’t they?
Is that a dent on her right breasticle?
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Or is it just a convenient receptacle for my man mustard?
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.Either way, she deserves to get her $50 back for the augmentation.
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Bet she used a coupon for the boob job.
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and shit
tattoos & boobjobs best results occur if gotten whilst sober…whilst I sez
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enhancers
…it’s a shadow from her nose
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cyranos
With a shrill *POP!* Olga’s butt plug caromed off the concrete and into the desert air, leaving behind a steady saline discharge from the gaping maw of her prolapsed asshole.
Thank God for Crucial
Thank Lämp for Jay Louis.
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And Plinky’s mom.
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And my beloved asbestos flaygon.
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Thigh rapers.
By the age of fourteen Kelly realized her breasts were destined to be undersized , droopy and unremarkable. She figured her problems were over when she read the flyer in the window of Uncle Rico’s van.
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Now, sixty-five dollars and four cans of Fix-a-Flat later, she realizes her life took a turn for the worse, ’cause now she’s stuck with misshapen tits and these boobs.
I’m glad I’m a quazi-professional. Sounds like it sucks to be an architect. Dark Sock done married and divorced three chicks two times? And as resident DJ I honour crucial Head’s pain Canadianianly? with the one and only Asbestos flaygon straight from the DMZ gulag.
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Looks like two fudge packers and a tranny.
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Maybe it’s just me….
Crucial Head is a national treasure.
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Her malformed boob is actually a blessing, it draws attention away from her face.
Wheezer, that was a gas!
I think I sprained my neck whilst recoiling in horror at this pic.
Thank God for Obamacare……
Is her right tit flexing? Is it asking the left boob “Bra, do you even lift?”
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Cuz it don’t.
Luncheon meat as a breast implant was a poor choice.
Her boobs are so lumpy she lactates buttermilk.
Her boobs are so lumpy she fills her bra with gravel to smooth it out.
Her boobs are so lumpy her nipples look like Marty Feldman’s eyes.
Her boobs are so lumpy you don’t motor-boat them, you white-water raft them.
Her boobs are so lumpy she can’t jog in a straight line
Her boobs are so lumpy if you tit-fuck her you get splinters
Her boobs are so lumpy her body lotion is Bond-O™
Her boobs are so lumpy this is what happened to her son after breast feeding
Plastic surgeons are even getting sick of having to use Groupon, and it’s starting to show.
Her boobs are so lumpy when she goes topless it looks like Mother Theresa french-kissing Eudora Welty
Why you don’t use a plastic surgeon with Parkinson’s
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Yeah…goin’ to Hell for that ‘un.
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And shit.
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Son
Her boobs are so lumpy when she jogs it sounds like someone holding an empty coke bottle out of a speeding car’s window.
Her boobs are so lumpy when she has to shower upside down.
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I don’t understand that one either.
test from canada..and shit. Son.
Do you dude’s have Good Friday off as a holiday?
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And
Meanwhile, in other news, liberwhore Chris Jansing cooks pasta and wears man-watches.
But she has smooth teatays. As does conserviwhore Fox shill Megyn Kelly.
And Bill O’Reilly
And Stephen Colbert
And since we’re talking about fake journalists, Olivia Munn, who apparently shaves her bush and fawks like a rabbit:
Her boobs are so lumpy she grates cheese and does her laundry on them.
Dark Sock is loaded cause I understand what he said short moments ago on his velveteen ipad then I realized his train of thought is thin. Would he verily be unsmurching son that is not the philosopher with the red hair not be in the same situation as the one on the other sise of ze mountain. Son. And Passover and shit from a Catholic goat stir fire with foreskins. Awesome Montreal dish. I’m stoooooooooned Easter Fans. Fuck you this year Seder(respect)! Mensches
Her boobs are so lumpy a blind man can read the Illiad, Odyssey and a George F. Will column on them.
Her teats are so lumpy she lactates chocolate and vanilla cocaine swirls.
Her tits are so lumpy Alpine skiers use them for a test run prior to the winter Olympics.
Her tits are so lumpy they bring all the Heffalumps to the yard.
What Reverend said.
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Um…What did Reverend just say?
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Her tits are so lumpy she lactates raisins. They shoot across the room, like angry black flicked boogers.
Her tits are so lumpy when she sleeps on her stomach it creates a baas relief of Plinky’s Mom’s Labia Major on the bedsheets.
Her tits are so lumpy they have fingernails.
I believe the RevChad just read the first chapter of the Narnia Chronicles in the Old Testament… King James version… not the Koran version. Or Korean. North or South.
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Civil Warriors.
Her tits are so lumpy mountain goats frolic uponst them. To and fro. Son.
Mommy?
Her titties are so lumpy when she lays down she passes ADA path of travel code for all paths adjacent a vehicular path of travel.
Her tits are so lumpy me and Crucial now have time away from stern wife eyes to spew forth non sequiturs. And occasionally mons (pubis) sequiturs.
‘baters
10 points to Gryffindor to the one who can spot Frank Mercurio sticking out because he was shoved in too far.
trick question. No such thing as “too far”
Her titties are so lumpy she spackles them with cellulite
Her teats are so lumpy if you run a record needle down them it plays Godspeed You! Black Emperor’s “Pleut à Mourir”.
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In sign language.
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Turntableists.
I get it!
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You divorced guys have a pal in Reverend Chad. Nice seeing ya Crucial. Mrs. Kroeger just told me to get to sleep, the cunt. Questions answered as allowable by time. Son.
Her tits are so lumpy it sounds like a toddler on speed frantically popping bubble wrap when she rolls over in bed.
Will you be my AA Sponsor Rev?
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I need someone to score me a 30 day chip so’s I can show the judge.
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Addicts.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
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Courage to to change the things I can.
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And wisdom to know the Jon Hamm’s penis.
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Amen.
I hope none of you are picturing the Jon Hamm’s penis RIGHT NOW!
Since the gay marriage thing is in the news, allow me to pontificate.
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The challenge of gay male marriage is that there’s zero boobs. Unless you’re with Ron Jeremy. But because of the butthole prodding I don’t think that’s a viable option.
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Oh, I suppose balls are like miniature boobs, sure. But they’re hairy, and have no nipples. Usually.
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On the other hand, lesbian couples counterbalance this with double boobage. And Mons Pubii. And they have twice the butthole.
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Well, I guess the gay guy couples have dual buttholes, but female buttholes are sexy. Because girls don’t poop. Except Plinky’s Mom, who of course poops whole meat loafs and turduckens.
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Shunting your cockk into a poop shoot is gay, unless it’s a female poopless chute. Medical FACT.
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What were we talking about?
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fuggit, off to RedTube with me.
One of my friends said he won’t go down on girls because he things they pee out of their tooterbugs.
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What a dumbass. How can that be true? Girls don’t have pee-pees. Duh.
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Squirters.
Her titties are so lumpy they have 17 mons pubii
Her titties are so lumpy when she has a seizure they fart in tandem.
I’d hit it though.
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Divorcees.
I have been a tragic AA sponsor in the past. I just say fuck you and wake up the next day no matter how bad I feel to a version of nice and my briefcase full of blues. My case which also holds a change of garments, holds the nother-world muther fucker of a world of some hope. And then I look to my filthy female children and hope that I get to show their boyfriends a shotgun and a good case of Blue Waffles before he touches what her da-da did before changing her crAp when she was one and before da-da got the Blueggos and entered the first bad stage of depression like right know, like a guy
Satchel.
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that is a silly ass word.
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say it.
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“Satchel”
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SATCHEL
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i am in opposition to that word. It doesn’t even SOUND like a real word. Who fuccen even USES it?
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Satchels.
Mangled tittays make me sad.
I ask lady friends to gently toss my satchel in their moutheses
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skin sacs
her breast are so lumpy phrenologist use them as a rosetta stone
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.wha?
her tits are so lumpy the feel like leather satchels filled with 5 oz ball bearings
her tits are so lumpy midgets ride atv’s on them
her tits are so lumpy you can only piston fuck them with a cork screw
her tits are so lumpy they’re used to train oatmeal
her tits are so lumpy they’re walnuts, not chestnuts
her tits are so lumpy they’re boobceps
her tits are so lumpy she has to self-examine for lumps with ice tongs
her tits are so lumpy they rattle
Her tits are so lumpy she can play mini golf on them.