Saturday, March 16, 2013

Wallnuts After Dark – Somebody Needs to Whack That Dick Vitali Character

476623_10150687781701728_1353733183_oSomebody needs to whack that Dick Vitali jabrone.

So I was watching the Duke/UNC college hoops game on The ESPN the other night and I had to turn the sound down because that Mama Luke was screamin’ his tits off like he’d just blown a c-note at the track!

That manudnick was screamin’ all a the time and says the same friggin’ thing over and over. “Take a T.O. Roy! Take a T.O. Take a T.O. Oh, baby! Oh baby!” I found myself yellin’ at the damn T.V., “Shut the f@#k up you bald, one-eyed hump.” Mrs. Wallnuts came in and tole me to cheese it on account a my high blood pressure and lumbago, which always acts up when I get sore at somethin’ or have a beef wit someone.

Lumbago, I says.

I tells ya, back in the old neighborhood anytime there was a big mouth always yackety yakkin’ about somethin’ or some such, one a the guys would a hit him with a sockful a stale gnocchi right across the back a his noggin’ and rolled him for good measure.

Stale gnocchi, I says.

One time there was this neighborhood babbo named Jimmy “Lobes” – he had earlobes that looked like balls a pizza dough – who was goin’ on and on about winning a Trifecta at Belmont Park to the point that  this local mook Tommy “Elbows” – he never trew punches wit his fist, but trew elbows – cracked Lobes so hard that all a his fillings fell out a his head right there on the sidewalk on Grand Avenue in front of the Conca D’oro Social Club. Madon!

This Vitali Momo is way worse than any a these neighborhood Sfachims I used ta know. He never shuts up and he gave me so much agita that I had to take a physic and put some Jimmy Roselli on my 8-track player to calm my nerves. That Roselli really does the trick. He had a voice like a friggin’ angel and so I was able to relax thanks to him singin’ “Mala Femmina,” enjoyed that great game. I was rootin’ for Duke, but UNC covered and I had the under too, so all in all it was a good night.

# posted by Vin Douchal
1:45 pm March, 16 DarkSock said...

I have a bald, one-eyed hump that lives in my pants.

.

Stellar dispatch from the front, Sir.

.

Jabrones

1:46 pm March, 16 DarkSock said...

Also, Lois Griffin has just edged out Betty Rubble as the cartoon character I’d most like to empty my engorged schwantz into.
GIGGITY-GIGGITY
Giggities.

1:54 pm March, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

Lois Griffin is a hot piece of naughty ass, and DW kills it again still awaiting his Sean Connery remembrances though as to who got more tail between him & The Chairman.

2:02 pm March, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mongors chick will take it right up her Via Poopinanus happily. I have become an extreme couporner. Tonight is annual Mens Wellness Night 25. Assorted home town dudes getting bent at discos, diners, and dives. I will not be first to puke, the second time.

4:26 pm March, 16 The Dude said...

There’s nothing about that guy from the neck down that screams DOUCHEBAG!! All the stuff that makes me want to punch him very hard occurs above his neck fat.

4:28 pm March, 16 The Dude said...

‘Sock, you gotta let me in the club, dude! Where do you find these gals that know how to apply eyeliner properly?

4:53 pm March, 16 creature said...

sockful of stale gnocchi is a great handle for Mongor

4:56 pm March, 16 creature said...

uh…wattabout Jessica Rabbit, or Velma from scoobydoo

…the Archie’s gals?

5:18 pm March, 16 Douchble Helix said...

Great stuff.

.

I’d hate to be there when your bets go south.

5:23 pm March, 16 Douchble Helix said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sfacim

7:49 pm March, 16 DarkSock said...

All well and fine, Creature. We’re on the same page. I would just prefer to anal Lois first.
.
Then Betty.
Bed Rocker
.
Then, of course, Velma.
Scooby Doo-Doo Humper

5:09 am March, 17 Guid is Good said...

I’m not sure I could be with a chick with a dead ferret. Or that thing around her neck either.

8:35 am March, 17 Douchble Helix said...

Is “Whack That Dick Vitali Character” a euphemism for pleasuring oneself?

9:20 am March, 17 DarkSock said...

If so then what does Dick Butkus represent?

.

Burdizzos.

9:45 pm March, 17 The Dude said...

This place is my comfort zone. When something annoying appears on my screen, I go here. Nobody fracks with me here. Thanks, management!

10:28 pm March, 17 DarkSock said...

Lumbago Gnocchi does my taxes on the lowdown.

10:46 pm March, 17 The Dude said...

“Am I Dead Yet?” <-new theme for my birthday fest next month, if I am not dead. Current theme = 21st 29th. Do the math, I'm obviously too old!

11:07 pm March, 17 airdomin8 said...

Mongorrrr… Stare… Nothing impress… The Mongorrrr…

11:03 am March, 18 The Dude said...

Somebody pee’d in my horse. Bueller?

12:07 am March, 19 Stephanie said...

Mongor killed that thing around her neck by simply looking at it.

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