Monday, April 1, 2013

Meet the New Hot Chicks with Douchebags Quality Assurance Team!

rarr

Meet the new Quality Control Board of HCwDB: Manny “Bride of FrankenDouche” Horowitz, Vinny “The Watch” Fazuli and Corine “Anime Eyes” Falco. They are here to ensure that during my week at the helm here that ol’ DarkSock does not once again besmirch the front page with non-PG 13 terms such as “taint squelch”, “Monkey Hole” and “Pootie Tang”.

More importantly, they are here to ensure that I stay ON MESSAGE, with none of my trademark forays into gratuitous distraction such as Mass Quantity Pear, Flotation Device Pear, and OH MY GOD WOULD YOU FRIGGIN’ LOOK AT THAT Pear.

Yep. Just the straight and narrow this time.

Be strong with me, folks. Maybe we should make little rubber wristbands or something.

# posted by Bagnonymous
4:43 am April, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As I get stoned on prescription and over-the-Lenny drugs, with a chaser of Buckley’s DM, and have my morning shit, I wish Dark Sock luck. Go in Mons, Son.

.

Pearstrong

4:48 am April, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Thank the maker. With the exception of “straight and narrow”, I’m overjoyed to see that Rubenesque figures are making a comeback.

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And I’m making my own comeback as a result. Give me another 12 minutes of staring at Mass Quantity Pear and I’ll be ready to make another comeback.

4:55 am April, 1 douche equis said...

That last one is not so much a pear as a basketball smuggling operation.

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As for mass quantity pear, I am indeed ready to consume.

4:56 am April, 1 douche equis said...

Second-to-last, sorry . . . I missed straight and narrow, possibly because my view was at that point blocked by my own. Too much information?

4:57 am April, 1 douche equis said...

I find the lack of bite marks on mass quantity pear to be somewhat distressing. What is this, a world of emasculated wusses or something?

5:55 am April, 1 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Great! Monday morning and I have a fierce renob and an even fiercer hankerin’ for ass sex!

2:17 pm April, 1 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

…and all is right with the world.

3:21 pm April, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Men in Gack

3:21 pm April, 1 The Dude said...

Wow, I just remembered why I have never gotten a tattoo.

3:22 pm April, 1 The Dude said...

I am REEF, btw

3:45 pm April, 1 bigphatnotadouche said...

D.S. – Pear is never gratuitous. Pear should be handled and savored like a fine wine.

Brandy sniffers

3:57 pm April, 1 The Dude said...

thank you, bigphat – meanwhile, I am partaking of a $3 bottle of Tisdale. Then I’m hitting the local Happy Hour for my daily meal. Then, I might savor some Pear. And handle it. Because I am capable. And stoned, did I mention that?

4:09 pm April, 1 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Okay, okay…I like a nice round rump as much as the next overage pervert, but shouldn’t we restrict the objects of our voyeurism to tasty snaps of the non-photoshopped variety?

.

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.Not that a late, middle-aged dude like me even knows what the fuck photoshopping is….having just acquainted myself with this here whole interwebs thing….but those asses cannot be real.

.

.

.What say you Sock? Is there a way to distinguish between real, actual, delectable female hind quarters and ones that have artificially altered for the delectation of guys even more loathsome/puerile/polymorphously perverse than yours truly?

.

.

.And by “guys even more loathsome/puerile/polymorphously perverse than yours truly” I mean the Reverend Chad Kroeger.

4:13 pm April, 1 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

….and Crucial Head.

4:13 pm April, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I have quite the boner right now.

5:28 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Choad the D.S. brings up a…

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fuck you, Jacques! GAH!

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…brings up a very profound point: what is the subtext here between actual, real-world pear, vs. a perhaps insanely enhanced platonic bootonic depiction as C.T.D.S. contends is here, vs. mien boner?

.

Discuss.

6:59 pm April, 1 Sir Douche said...

We’re in for an interesting week.

7:09 pm April, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

I hate you, Jacques.

.

I’ve broken my ankles/legs five times–four times playing basketball–and am grateful that all of them combined were not even one percent as serious as that dude’s phucked up leg. Well, maybe they were two percent in total when I think about it–had a tib/fib break in HS but no bloody shank sticking out my shin. Thank the Baby Jesus for that.

.

Ever notice how they hold the leg up for everybody to see?

7:23 pm April, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

The Nerd Herd is really pulling some tail these days. Too bad they blew their weekly salary at the Boobie Bungalow to get it.

.

7:28 pm April, 1 Vin J Douchal said...

Pear may turn out very much to be in the same taste discussion as real verses fake boobages

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Some are really nice , some are atrocious. As long as there’s a puss in the middle that there pear is the main thing, eh?

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Let the Jackie Bradley Jr era begin, mates

.

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Orsillos

7:37 pm April, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Bunch of crybabies. Boy, back in ’86 when I was on the Prineville HS Junior Varsity Curling team, I got my slender teenage frame beat up 10x more than any pro nose guard in the NFL.

.

The worst I ever got was a brutal strain to my hip flexor at the state semi-finals when I slide out from the hack whilst attempting a clockwise turn from the eleven o’ clock position off the hog line. My mom got a picture of my injury right after it happened and I had to have my team help me off the sheet. That shit HURT.

.

It took me a good couple weeks to recover, but it wasn’t quite as bad as my buddy Jonathan’s speed chess trauma. Now he’s reduced to playing cribbage with old ladies. Sad.

8:04 pm April, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The banner picture indicates this is retard chicks with docuhebags.

8:29 pm April, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That leg break would be a welcome vacation from chronic pain and shit.. Jacques is a psycho-Zen warrior from lipase equilibria ben ifactionai, Son. I’m stoned Egyptian princes.

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Fibulas

8:30 pm April, 1 creature said...

…sock, yer slippin, brah!

8:36 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

I been slippin’ since 1993.

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Son.

5:40 am April, 2 Dickie Fingers said...

I’m not clicking on Jacques links. I’m scared.

6:11 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

as

6:12 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

Yoda looks like George Jones there.

8:14 am April, 2 kneejerk said...

That last one has a terrible case off ass acromegaly.

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