Monday, April 29, 2013

Oldbag Tex Wildflower Lives on Borrowed Time

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Tex Wildflower may have watched the railroads come in and take out the true spirit of the prairie, but he ain’t goin’ out without at least one more suckle fondle.

And for that, we tip the bridge of our stetson and pour out a glass of some of that tasty Sioux City sarsaparilla in Tex’s honor.

# posted by douchebag1
2:59 pm April, 29 Wheezer said...

I’d gladly drive a spike between her Promontories.

3:04 pm April, 29 creature said...

gramps wants to die in the saddle…& for that I applaud!

3:17 pm April, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s the “grand-daughter by the hour” he’s been looking for. She gonna be sorry when his Texas Rose goes up the pooper.

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Men Who Shot Liberty Vallance

3:17 pm April, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Smack ‘im in the face with the same shovel used to dig his grave.

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“Oldbag” nothing. He’s just a bag.

3:53 pm April, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Gregg Allman is alright in my book, I say notta.

4:06 pm April, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Erin Andrews interviews the winner of “World’s Saggiest Nadsack” on ESPN IV.

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Competition includes who’s balls dip furthest into the bowl while popping a squat, Yoyo tricks, and crustiest underwear judged on unrine, fecal, blood and semen matter content.

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Oddly, no one high fives

5:50 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old he craps fossils

5:52 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old the wrinkles in his sack look like a topographical map of the rockies

5:53 pm April, 29 Guid is Good said...

Are you sure that isn’t a well known BBC paedophile cunningly disguised as Kenny Rogers to escape British justice? She looks to be about 25 years too old for him anyway.

5:54 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old his birth certificate was carved in stone

5:56 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old his 1st drivers license was for a chariot

5:57 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old he molested moses

5:59 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old he celebrated like it was 99

6:01 pm April, 29 creature said...

oldbag tex is so old to him flappers are not girls w big curtains

6:07 pm April, 29 Douchble Helix said...

“oldbag tex is so old he celebrated like it was 99” – creature ftw!

6:08 pm April, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I would not feed that one after midnight if I were you, Tex. I’d also conceal your peacekeeper.

7:34 pm April, 29 Troy Tempest said...

If that’s what Tex is banging these days, I say “give him a medal”.

12:19 am April, 30 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Troy is correct. Tex gets a medal, or a lesion, wart, or what the fuck, he’s fracktically dead, right?

6:44 am April, 30 Douchble Helix said...

I think she’s a hostess, or greeter, or something. And she forgot to spray tan her neck.

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And her roots look like shit.

7:56 am April, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ted turner needs a haircut. An exterminator for the looks of the rodent-like creature.

8:00 am April, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That totally is Gregg Allman and he’s mackin’ on Carmen Electra-lite.

2:42 pm April, 30 Guid is Good said...

Oldbag Tex is so old he sprays dust facials.

2:47 pm April, 30 Guid is Good said...

Oldbag Tex is enjoying a pre-dinner drink with a ladyfriend and it’s only 4.30 in the afternoon.

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